To stop paying 50/50 after being fired

[Copenhagener]

I’ve been with my partner for 10 years. We’ve always split things 50/50 (bills, mortgage, food) and then kept the rest of our paychecks to spend as we like. We were both good earners in corporate jobs and took home approximately the same, until this year when he got a new job and a massive raise.

We don’t have children yet (going through IVF).

In October, I was fired from a new job for not being ‘the right cultural fit’. I’ve never been unemployed before.

We live in his country, and I’m not eligible for any benefits, or I will never be able to become a citizen. I have enough from my last pay check to last me until January.

The job market is really rough, and I’m not getting any offers right now despite applying and networking hard. Before, I was fighting off job offers :(

I’ve saved up about £10,000 through freelance work over the past couple of years in an emergency fund. Unfortunately; the freelance work is also drying up.

My partner wants me to use that emergency fund money so we both still pay 50/50, like if I still had a job, and he wouldn’t have to increase his share of the bills/mortgage. I’m happy to put some of my savings into bills/mortgage, but feel he should shoulder more of the burden for now, until I get a new job. He can cover it all using his paycheck alone, and still have some money leftover.

The savings are my emergency fund / IVF fund if our state-funded IVF fails.

He’s from a culture where men and women tend to split everything 50/50.

Who is in the right here?

I'm glad that you had a chat and sorted it out. How did the interview go?

Does he have savings? If he doesn’t I can see why he would expect you to dip into yours a bit while you’re not earning.
However I do think bills should be split proportionally with earnings overall so he should be paying more even when you are working as he earns more.

Am I understanding the OP’s original post correctly: it mentions being a good earner in a corporate job but at the same time only having £10k of savings built up from freelance (so separate to the corporate job) work over the last couple of years. Does the partner know her savings are so low? It seems odd to have not built significant savings from a high paid corporate job.

If you two previously agreed that your finances are separate, then I don't think he is being unreasonable, especially if you have an emergency fund.

Ive attached screenshots of the current rules about citizenship and benefits.

There's another criteria about how much work you must have had in the run up to your application, but in your case it's a few years away, so you've got loads of time to meet that goal.

Also remember that your membership of A kasse is tax deductible.

Love from a dagpenge rådgiver

100% this. You’re not a team. Don’t build your life around a man who puts money above you. Your circumstances are not a piss take but as far as he is concerned there’s no grey area and he doesn’t have your back. Throw him back before it’s too late and you’re trapped there with a child. Shudder.

Ok read through thread and glad you’ve sorted. My earlier post is redundant now. Good luck.

How nice to hear an update where your partner has listened and apologised for causing stress! As it should be!

Might be nice if the UK adopted some of these requirements too! They sound mostly very sensible, to ensure that people immigrating are likely to integrate and contribute.

@Copenhagener - I hope the interview went well!

I was talking with someone yesterday who kept saying "me" instead of "my". I got to the point I could only hear that, and missed most of the rest of what they were saying. 😸