Denied leave from work bereavement

[welshwonderful]

My grandad has passed away and his funeral is on Thursday. With work I am entitled to one day's compassionate leave for a grandparent, which I will take for the day of the funeral. I haven't had any other time off due to his death and have been at work every day since, including the day he passed away. I was advised that if I needed any more time off I could take annual leave, however when I asked for Friday as annual leave they have said no as there are already too many people off on that day.

I wanted the day following the funeral too as I am already pretty upset about losing him, and I expect to find the funeral emotionally draining and will probably be exhausted by Friday. My grandad had also been very ill and in and out of hospital in the weeks before his death so my emotional reserves were already low. I also separately experience depression and anxiety and my mental health isn't great currently.

AIBU to want to have the Friday off too? Where do I go from here?

I'd ask the other people off on the Friday if they would mind swopping. No harm in asking and I'd happily change a day (and have done) if I didn't have anything particular in mind.

Take it as sick leave. It's an unfortunate coincidence if you got a head on the Friday. How would they prove it.

duplicate

Read the whole thread before casting nasty aspersions and making yourself look like a dick.

It’s not @Pizfufffff who’s making themselves look a dick.

You won’t get signed off for anything less than a week. Your GP will tell you to self cert. Which is what you should do, you are not faking being too unwell to work when you are grieving.

odfo

I di think companies could be more compassionate. My cousin was denied a day off to attend the funeral of her MIL as she had no more leave left and MIL wasn't considered a close relative. Despite the fact she's known her 35 years and her husband was an only child.

They reluctantly said she could have a coupe of hours for the service but then had to work in the afternoon and work the hours back.

Once the estate had been sorted my cousin was financially well provided for and she promptly handed in her notice and then went off sick for the whole notice period at their busiest time - plus she did quite a niche role. Her manager was pretty much begging her to cone in and do a handover and couldn't understand why she wasn't inclined to help them out. You reap what you sow.

Im sorry for your loss. A day off for the funeral is about what I would expect for a grandparent if I’m honest. Obviously very sad but not a very unexpected or shocking bereavement. I would expect a little more for an elderly parent (a few days to a week) and much more for a spouse or child. When my granddad died I got the day off for his funeral and was grateful for that. I would do as they suggest and use annual leave if you need more time off.

I’m sorry for your loss.
Call in sick Friday, don’t you self-certificate for first few days. I’m sure you’ll have a migraine causing disturbed vision come Friday morning.

It’s incredible how many people are still saying ‘take it as annual leave’ when OP said clearly in her first post that she had already asked and had been denied and many others here have already pointed that out. I guess it just goes to show how many people like to comment on stuff without actually doing basic things like reading.

I know from experience that the day after a funeral is not as bad as we think. The service is over and the person has been given a good send off. Also the run up to a funeral can be very stressful, but strangely it is somewhat of a relief to have the funeral over, well at least I felt I could relax a bit and let my shoulders down, even for a few hours.

On that basis if it were me, and due to your probation period and sick limits, I would go in on the Friday, but book Monday off instead. That means you have a long weekend to recharge and rest if you need to.

The distraction of going in on the Friday might help your mood anyway. So sorry for your loss, and I am sorry to hear that your employer was not in a position to facilitate you. However, as a new member of staff it is possible that more senior or long serving staff were given priority.

@Goodornot "aren't I lucky for my mam?" I beg your fucking pardon?! What a horrible, heartless and spiteful comment!!!!

I officially had 5 days compassionate leave then got signed off sick.. we had to wait 6 weeks for her funeral, she had to be subjected to a post mortem due to it being so sudden and with hey dying at Christmas she wasn't moved to the funeral home in time for us to see her and say our goodbyes (it was recommended we not see her as her body was beginning to look unrecognisable). Like I say, my dad almost died during the same time and my husband fucked off and left me with two young kids.

Fucking lucky indeed.

What I'm clearly saying is that I was treated with nothing but compassion by my employers and it saddens me that others aren't.

I sincerely hope you don't have to go through such a traumatic time.

I know you mean well but really writing the sentence 'I know from experience that the day after a funeral is not as bad as we think' - did you really mean to write that?

Do you think that you are the only person who has been bereaved? Do you think the way you feel after a funeral WILL be the same way others will feel?

You are being quite cold, somewhat simplistic and very assuming in your post.

Why, especially on sensitive threads like these, do posters not bother to even read everything the OP has written?

It's so damn rude and disrespectful when someone is in distress.

I’m a line manager she have had a couple of people signed off sick by the doctor when Close relatives have died. It’s fairly normal, and if you’re in a bad head space you’ll be no use to work anyway.

Did you read the ops post right through? It's been denied that's the whole point of the thread.

You're not being unreasonable to want the Friday off, and you weren't asking for the second day as anything other than a day out of your AL entitlement. Your employer is. However, it does sound as if you're probably stuck with that.

I don't see anything wrong with asking if anyone is able to swap days for Friday, but if not, perhaps you can take alternative annual leave some time soon and plan to do something with it. Do you have other family members living near you to arrange a post funeral meet up or lunch date, for example?

As someone who has lost a beloved grandparent in the last 6 months, do what you need to do to get the time off. Take it as sick, take annual leave, but just do it. Screw work, you will be in no fit state to be productive.
I am so so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself - there is often a 'before' and 'after' the funeral. I seemed to cope well before and it hit me like an avalanche after.

I'm sorry for your loss.
I think by law, grandparents is not classed as close family - only parents / children are. So they do not need to allow more time off, although most do out of compassion -
I'm sorry your company is not one of these 😔
Given they have already declined annual leave, the only choice you have is to be ill. There's no other choice sadly.

@WeightWhatYou can’t always get annual leave. When my great uncle died, I knew I wouldn’t get bereavement leave, as he wasn’t (on paper) a close enough relative to me. However, I was actually his closest relative and I tried to see him as much as I could, as he was like a grandfather to me, so I requested annual leave. My line manager (NHS) originally said that would be fine, but then phoned me and said that her manager had overturned her and I couldn’t have the day off, as (like the OP) there were already too many people on annual leave.

I was told I could take the normal amount of time allowed, for a distant relative, which was 3 hours (unpaid). My problem was the funeral was over 1 and a half hours away. My line manager ended up agreeing with me, that I would take the 3 hours unpaid, plus my 45 minute meal and tea break (also unpaid) straight after that, as it was the only way I could go.

It was a very long, emotional and tiring day, as I started my shift at 10am, then left at 1pm to drive nearly 150 miles, attend the funeral, then drove the 150 miles back to my workplace, where I was immediately back to work, before finishing my shift at 8.30. I was absolutely knackered.

And they say the NHS is the caring profession!!

I'd self cert for 7 days starting Wednesday.

They cld get ta fuck. Go sick. Seriously.
I am both the director of a company I own and a paye worker. This is appalling behaviour by your employer. Go sick.
And if They dare to question it tell them you were sick with grief. Disgraceful carry on.

See how you actually feel on Friday and then decide, you may be ok. If you are too upset you can either phone in sick or request the day unpaid.

As others have said, see if anyone will swap. If not, book leave as soon as you are able & drag yourself in. There's not a lot else you can do.