Denied leave from work bereavement

[welshwonderful]

My grandad has passed away and his funeral is on Thursday. With work I am entitled to one day's compassionate leave for a grandparent, which I will take for the day of the funeral. I haven't had any other time off due to his death and have been at work every day since, including the day he passed away. I was advised that if I needed any more time off I could take annual leave, however when I asked for Friday as annual leave they have said no as there are already too many people off on that day.

I wanted the day following the funeral too as I am already pretty upset about losing him, and I expect to find the funeral emotionally draining and will probably be exhausted by Friday. My grandad had also been very ill and in and out of hospital in the weeks before his death so my emotional reserves were already low. I also separately experience depression and anxiety and my mental health isn't great currently.

AIBU to want to have the Friday off too? Where do I go from here?

I'd agree with this and if you did decide to leave, then you could just ring in sick for the rest of the week and get signed off?

I’m so sorry for your loss OP.

Calling in sick on Friday is risky even if you are planning to find a new job (and who would blame you). I agree with others who advised ploughing through it and maybe requesting Monday off.

Being on probation means I would say you need to go in on Friday.

Yes it's shit but it's just one day. It may go better than you think. Good luck.

I'm sorry for your loss

How well do you get on with your colleagues? Would one of them swap their day off with you?

Its too bad you don't live in the United States. Where my sister works they give employees time off for everything. employers are so hard pressed to keep employees that they don't dare say no to anyone for almost any reason.

You can self certificate for 7 days so no you are not wasting anyone’s time. If you need longer than 7 days, yes you can get signed off. You aren’t taking a fucking holiday so no don’t use your annual leave. You have lost your grandparent and need some time to process it and for your mental well-being. Take as long as you need or can depending on what sick pay you get.

My god this thread is depressing. Employers really do think they own us, don't they?
A close friend of mine died horribly earlier this year and I had a wedding to attend the day after the funeral. It was awful. I was emotionally wrung out and really struggled to "power through it". I was counting down the seconds until I could leave.
I would have been a disaster on legs if I'd had to work in that state.
I do think you need to play the presenteeist game here. Keep your job a bit longer, recover, then go find a better employer.

get a sink line. Good employers or not they would replace u or ditch u in a heart beat: no one is single handedly keeping workplaces afloat.. my dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly at a public event which was picked up and in papers etc and my old work place granted me 3 days compassionate leave. All heart eh ! Was a nightmare time. U can bet ur backside I took sick leave !

No, @WeightWhat is correct. there is no requirement (Department of Work and Pensions rules) for a sick note - more correctly known as a fit note - for absences of under 1 week - the law allows you to self certify.

If the OP feels unable to work the day after the funeral (which is understandable), she should call in sick, but does not need to see her GP, nor does the GP need to give her a sick note. They would be within their rights to ask for payment for providing a private sick note though.

yes, re self-certification but my post was in relation to the annual leave comment, which the OP had already said had been refused in the opening post.

You can really see how many people have lost someone they really love on this thread.

Haven't read through the rest of the posts after this but don't fuck with that.

Making the privy to mental health difficulties and needing time off and disputing annual leave isn't something you do on probation.

Not all employers would take such a strict line. Some would be compassionate and hope to build a better employer/employee relationship and that the goodwill would come back with some flexibility when needed.

Family first.

Annual leave.

I’m afraid I wouldn’t take sick leave if it triggers a probation review, they will know it’s because you were denied leave after all. I’d go but spend half the day /whatever is needed sobbing outside /in the bathrooms or break room. You don’t need to sit at your desk trying to hold your quivering lip straight, be human.
I’m sorry for your loss.

Fucking hell reading these replies I'm shocked! I had 8 weeks off after my mam died very suddenly and unexpectedly (I did have a lot more going on too, ill father and my husband left at the same time). But my work were incredible and so so supportive!

Op im so sorry for your loss.

Does the day of Compassionate Leave have to be the funeral day or could you take annual leave on the Thursday and book Friday as Compassionate? I realise this is splitting hairs and will still leave them short-handed on Friday. Alternatively take A/L on Wednesday and gather your strength for the funeral, although not easy a funeral can be a natural break point and a source of comfort.

Gosh aren't you lucky for your mam?!

What's your point? Not every employer can be so generous..not everyone can risk losing their job for time off.

Generous for allowing someone to go to their grandfather's funeral? God what a callous world we live in if everyone thinks like you

That's a tough one. You're certainly not being unreasonable to want a little time off but if you work for a large company, they have their rules and you signed your contract with them.
I know some companies I've worked for only allowed time off for a funeral if it was a close family member. (Literally a parent, a spouse etc) so grandparents weren't included in their policy either.
Are you able to do a shift swap maybe or work an extra day to make it up somehow?

Sorry to hear about your granddad. I do hope you're able to sort something out so you find your time to grieve properly.

Sorry about your grandad. I wouldn't risk not passing probation by taking a sick day, your manager will be fully aware that your annual leave request was refused. It's just not worth it.

It's really crappy but go to work on Friday and manage as best you can under the circumstances xx

One day of for the death of a parent is abysmal.
What would someone who lost a spouse be entitled to then. Work colleagues who lost a spouse would have been off at least a month if not more.
My work allowed a week. When my dad died I was given a week and my gp had no hesitation in giving me another week. Work had no problem with that. Where I come from a wake can last at least three days or sometimes more.and not being at your own parents wake would be the talk of the town.

I’d phone in sick. In all likelihood if it were me I would actually have a migraine attack (always get them after extremely intense /draining events). I couldn’t possibly work with a migraine (I can’t speak and am blind) so I’d phone in and explain that I needed the day off sick. If they queried it is point out that I had anticipated it was likely I’d be unable to work and requested leave.

@Lookingatthesunset My comment on 'pulling a fast one' was in response to many posters suggesting the OP was dishonest.

She's asked for time off and it's been refused.

Are you really suggesting that her employer won't realise that any absence on the grounds of 'sickness' is just another way of getting the day off, which they refused?

I didn't say she didn't 'deserve' more time off. I'm looking at how she should protect her employment, which is a real risk

I said that she would be jeopardising her position because it would be crystal clear she was doing what she wanted, not what they wanted.

It's not about not being compassionate- it's taking a realistic view of what her employer will think.

If she wants to take that risk, fair enough.

I had an employer who, on paper, had a fairly generous compassionate leave policy but my father-in-law and father died within 9 months of each other. Two weeks off, within a year, triggered a meeting with my manager and HR and I had to justify the time off!