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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that, mothers that do not even try to breastfeed, are selfish and perhaps lazy?

284 replies

mrsdannydyer · 13/03/2008 10:16

yes i know their will be women that have been sexually abused or have hiv or something, yes there is always, the execption to the rule.
but in gerneral, why do some women not even try?
this really baffles me?

OP posts:
ALMummy · 16/03/2008 18:31

Girlsquare - that is one of the funniest things I have ever read. Thank you. I will now forward it to all the other parents I know.

PuppyMonkey · 16/03/2008 19:09

Hey, did the op ever come back from her lunch on Thursday? Wonder what she reckons to this thread now!

Janni · 16/03/2008 20:15

Girlsquare - that's brilliant. I read it years ago (when first pregnant I think) and just laughed at how extreme it was The bit about the goat feels especially apt.

GirlySquare · 17/03/2008 19:27

Thanks guys I'm sure this thread is a wind up though (and not in good taste, thank you).

chipmonkey I'm now looking out for "The Beginners Guide to Fatherhood" as it's not available on Amazon.

Okay, now for my BF experience - dd was PFB so no experience at all. c-section and small 5.5lbs which makes BF difficult (not that anyone told me). BF dd, plus expressing and formula. Tried for eight weeks. Stopped when doctor told me dd would be put into scbu if not gaining weight. Straight off to Tescos to buy formula. Still feel guilty about starving dd for first eight weeks. Would love to go to ante natal groups and explain BF not necessarily best. That's it.

Thefearlessfreak · 17/03/2008 19:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

chipmonkey · 17/03/2008 22:57

Girly, I'm wondering it it's actually out of print as it was given to us years ago and I haven't seen it in shops since. You might get it through AbeBooks.

cory · 18/03/2008 10:11

lljkk on Sun 16-Mar-08 11:13:35
"Why do people reply to these threads if you ever have tried to breastfeed? OP wasnt critical of failure, just unwillingness to even try."

Maybe out of sympathy for those of our friends who were too exhausted/battered by pregnancy or labour to attempt it, who knew there were medical reasons not to attempt it, who had emotional reasons (other than rape) not to attempt it, who had so much else going on in their lives that this was one thing they knew they wouldn't be able to cope with, who were worn down by the unsupportive attitude of partners, mothers, families, health professionals etc etc etc.

Unwillingness to even try can cover a
multitude of situations, all of which are personal and private.

Or in my own case, from a guilty feeling that both my children would have had a better start in life if I had not tried.

But mainly because my own experience has left me with a very strong dislike of inflexible attitudes. It was precisely my inflexible attitude that put my children at risk. It wasn't breastfeeding as such, it was the fact that I couldn't cope with the thought that the situation surrounding my precious children might be different from my ideal. I knew because I had read the books, that bf had got to be best for my child, because the books said it was best for all children. And that kind of inflexibility is a dangerous attitude to have around children.

The OP would not have got the angry responses she did if she had phrased the question something like this:

if you chose from the start not to breastfeed, what were your reasons?

It was the whole lazy and selfish thing that got people going. And of course people who have breastfed are ideally qualified to tackle this part as they are the ones to know that breastfeeding can be the ultimate in laziness.

TJF · 18/03/2008 18:10

My dd was small for dates and weighed 4.lb 10 ozs when she was born. She was in a SCBU for almost a week and l tried to bf her. I wasnt able to produce enough milk (the consultants view not mine) and it was agreed after a lengthy discussion that l would use both methods. I would bf and top up with formula. When l was not bf her, l used a machine which l hired from an antenatal clinic for a month. This still did not produce enough milk, so instead of feeling a failure and immense guilt l accepted that l would need to continue with formula (which my HV had been trying to tell me since my dd & l came out of the hospital ). My dd is now 2.3 months and is very healthy and strong. Sometimes nature takes the decision away from us and there is nothing we can do about it.

Meandmyjoe · 19/03/2008 20:03

It's a personal choice. Personally I think you are being unreasonable. i remember when i was in hospital having ds and I was trying breast feed, I found it annoying when all the other mums were put on the ward and immediately said they'd chosen to bottle feed. I now know it was just because I was bitter as I couldn't breasfeed immediately and it took ages for milk to come. However, i totally understand why some people choose to bottle feed. I got so pissed off with the horrified looks from people in town when I was breastfeeding. People don't look at you like that when you have a bottle in your hand! I'd leave it up to the mum to decide, it doesn't affect anyone else.

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