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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that, mothers that do not even try to breastfeed, are selfish and perhaps lazy?

284 replies

mrsdannydyer · 13/03/2008 10:16

yes i know their will be women that have been sexually abused or have hiv or something, yes there is always, the execption to the rule.
but in gerneral, why do some women not even try?
this really baffles me?

OP posts:
Belgianchocolates · 13/03/2008 19:44

Cory, what medication were you taking? I think that whoever prescribed you the medication should also have informed you of the risk it posed to you with relation to bf baby.
Did no one point out that your first lo was hypotonic while you were trying to bf?
I think it's great that you tried, you couldn't have anticipated that you would encounter the problems that you did.

cory · 13/03/2008 22:16

The medication was only the ordinary blood pressure medication, can't remember the name, but the one that is usually recommended for bf'ing, precisely because it is the one thought to be safe for the baby - never mind that it turned me into a depressed zombie. (I was on a VERY high dose though. Got switched to Atenelol when ds was a few months old and got my life back!)

I had to wait 11 years to find out that dd's feeding problems were linked to her hypermobility syndrome- the OT told me when they were booking her into the children's rehab clinic just before Christmas.

But then I'd had to wait for 8 years for her condition to be diagnosed in the first place.

Ds also had a blip when he struggled with bf'ing and seemed to weak to suckle, but by then I knew all the tricks and force fed him with extra bottles. He was finally diagnosed with hypermobility syndrome two months ago (aged 7).

This is not unusual: a recent survey on the Hypermobility forum showed that over 50% of the posters had had to wait over 10 years for a diagnosis.

To get the balance right, I would have to admit that once dd was onto solids (which you were advised to start rather earlier 11 years ago), I carried on bf'ing until she was nearly a year and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. It was just that she wasn't strong enough to get her main feeds that way. So I don't have negative feelings about breast feeding. Just about my pigheaded attitude as a new mum, taking too long to listen to people who had a lot more experience than I had.

chipmonkey · 13/03/2008 22:54

Janbo, tell your sis if I'd seen her I'd have known a Haberman feeder when I say one!

chipmonkey · 13/03/2008 22:55

Saw one, even!

widgypog · 14/03/2008 09:21

not read whole thread but surely if you are lazy you would breatfeed. Buying formula bottle sterilisers, washing sterilising, making bottles, heating them up , waiting for them to cool down. as opposed to wopping your boobie out. ERR think bottle feeding much harder work.

btw I didnt want to breastfeed(no real reason I just didnt want to) and I was told by my antinatel teacher I was selfish , I was a bit obnoxious and had a big argument about MY right to do what I want. she didnt seem impressed.

Each to their own I say!!

widgypog · 14/03/2008 09:23

p.s Disclaimer , I am aware how hard breastfeeding can be on the woman and her body, just trying to make a point.

Kitti · 14/03/2008 16:10

I tried with my first and found it incredibly hard - she wouldn't latch on properly and although the midwives insisted I breastfed they were very unsympathetic that I just couldn't "get it right". I was treated as an object there to simply satisfy the baby and not as a person who was feeling incredibly low and terrified at being a first time mum. The whole experience really upset me and I discharged myself so that I could get home and switch to bottle (I did try a breastpump first but there was nothing coming out) - rather than continue as I was and resenting my constantly crying and hungry baby I went to the bottle but it was too late - she developed jaundice which the midwives told me was my fault for not giving her enough milk. After that experience I was determined to go straight to bottle with my next 2 babies and it was a much more positive experience. I am alot closer to them now than my eldest and I do wonder if it's because I couldn;t form a bond in those early days due to my resentment at feeling such a failure as a mother. Bottle feeding is alot harder because you try desperately to find the right formula for your child and have to be extremely careful about steralising and looking after the teats and not overheating the bottles or letting them get too old before starting a new one. I'm sure breast is best but it wasn't for me and I think no-one should judge and feel superior just because they manage to breastfeed. So what if you can breastfeed ? doesn't mean you're going to be a great mother!

HereComeTheGirls · 14/03/2008 18:54

cory..I also tried for 4 months to bf my DD but she couldn't stay latched on..turns out she has hypotonia and hypermobility too.

HereComeTheGirls · 14/03/2008 18:56

I was constantly told she was "lazy" and all the midwives in the hospital kept roughly shoving her head on to me

HereComeTheGirls · 14/03/2008 18:59

And I ended up beating myself up about it so much that I expressed all her feeds for 11 months which was really stressful and time consuming and probably contributed to my PND. If the same happened again I'd have to say I would just give formula.

HereComeTheGirls · 14/03/2008 18:59

Note to self: think of all you want to say before posting instead of making loads of posts

MrsMattie · 14/03/2008 19:00

Zzzzzzzz - so bored of this topic.

warthog · 14/03/2008 20:15

well i think it's pretty clear that there are virtually zero women out there who don't bf out of laziness.

Nessamommy · 14/03/2008 20:33

Why should it bother you about what anyone else does? Do what you feel is best for your child. Breastfeeding doesn't equal perfect children, in any way shape or form. Feeding them bm or formula...as long as they are fed!!! Some people neglect their children by not offering anything. Use your head you twit!

orangehead · 14/03/2008 20:44

I know this is probably a troll, but why do people have such a big issue about this. I am pro bf but at the same time have an open mind and realise it not always the best for some people. I dont think I have every read a thread going on about why some women think they can drink and smoke while preg, lots more selfish

KimiKilledTheEasterBunny · 14/03/2008 20:51

Were you my Antenatal class teacher DD.
Big dykeish looking woman who I doubt could have got a man if she paid for one, and most certainly had no children?

She laid in to me for not breastfeeding (was the only one out of a class of 14 that was not) without asking my reasons just assumed I was lazy or that my lovely 36Gs are just for show.

In fact I had been told I could not Breastfeed as I had kidney failure and they though I would not produce clean milk!!

Pass the popcorn this way please ladies!

frasersmummy · 14/03/2008 21:16

havent read all this thread but your original post has really incensed me

I normally only post when I think I have something helpful to say but I will make an exception in this case

what right do you have to question anyone's decision not to breastfeed. Unless I'm very much mistaken there is no law against bottle feeding

just because I bottle fed my son doesnt mean I am lazy, selfish, was abused or have HIV!!!!!!

I made a choice based on my cicumstances at the time and neither you or non anybody else has ANY right to judge me

so to answer your question you are completely unreasonable (as well as rude and judgemental

fizzbuzz · 14/03/2008 21:31

LAZY.

4 kids/skids, working full time........Lazy??

Elasticwoman · 14/03/2008 22:00

Frasersmummy - I think I detect just a smidgin of rudeness and judgmentality (judgmentitis?) in your post.

There is a difference between saying "parking on a yellow line is wrong" and "you are wrong to park on that yellow line". One is judging an action, the other is judging a person.

Elasticwoman · 14/03/2008 22:01

Though I must admit the post is phrased in a provocative way.

Janni · 14/03/2008 22:50

I have a close friend who's a mother of four. She has not BF any of her children - she tried a couple of times, but her HUGE boobs simply did not do what they were meant to do and even the midwives told her to give up.

She is the most fantastic mother to her brood. Lazy and selfish would not be words that would EVER describe her.

loopylou6 · 15/03/2008 09:35

Oooo get you mrsdannydyer, who rattled your judgemental cage, i chose not to breastfeed my kids because it was the right choice for me, no i dont have aids and i havent been abused i just didnt want to. Also am very curious how u could call a non BF mum 'lazy'? i always envied the people who BF as is must be great to just whip out a boob and feed their child, no lenghy and boring bottle sterilising, couting out heaps of milk, shaking bottles till your brain hurts and waiting for them to cool to go in the fridge, then heating them up whilst listening to a squarking hungry baby (gosh im glad i dont want any more lol) I find you rude and judgmental and altogether not very nice

Kitti · 15/03/2008 12:41

and when I say I went straight to bottle I mean formula milk not that I'm an alcoholic Though those first few days as a first time mum a big bottle of something might have got me through breastfeeding - not sure how baby would have got on though!

hercules1 · 15/03/2008 12:44

I havent read this thread but I don't see what's wrong with being a selfish and lazy parent at times. I do lots of selfish and lazy things as a parent. I couldn't hack being a parent otherwise.
I also think breastfeeding is the far more lazy option anyway and for me it was partly selfish as it meant my mil couldnt feed either of my kids.

jellybeans · 15/03/2008 12:51

Try being up all night feeding twins every half hour, one on medication! I would say each mother should choose for themselves!