To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

Yannis. And stand by your guns.

1. If you were a man, nobody would try to cajole you. Your word would be final.

1. The mum would most likely have an accident in the first few seconds/minutes of getting in the car when she's hyper and he's hyper

1. She can rent a fancy car by the hour

1. There is no way on God's green earth I would put myself out AT ALL for someone's Instagram or tiktok. NO. WAY.

Definitely stand firm and refuse.

Late to the Y names tangent but Yosser Hughes from Boys From The Blackstuff? Doubt he ever got to go in a sports car though.

Yorwerth.

Wilma and Vince can hire him a Limo if they are that concerned.

No Yanbu at al. Neither a borrower not a lender be.

Yes, Yanbu seems to be the de rigueur name of the moment by all these pretentious au courant Mnetters. Clearly, Dubai is no longer the happening place (over-populated with reality TV Z listers and trashy influencers) and more and more couples are vacationing in Saudi A (as it is known) and conceiving there... So much better than Brooklyn... or Blackpool.

My neighbour who called their son, Bognor, (conceived during the pandemic) is seething. B names are out!

Zara is being totally unreasonable, not to mention setting a terrible example to her son, by asking to drive your car without insurance.

Tell Wilma and Vince they are welcome to pay for the bloody insurance or a fancy rental car if they're so invested in Xander's grand entrance. If they're not willing to do that they need to back right off.

As an aside, I loathe how ridiculously OTT school proms have become and really feel for parents who are under pressure to pay for professional hair and make up, spend hundreds on dresses or suits and hire a stretch limo when the country is experiencing a COL crisis.

I think the red mist would descend at this point and I wouldn’t be held responsible for my actions.

I was pissed off enough when SIL decided to test her clutch control with MY car on their driveway when I wasn’t there to either give permission or object. The keys had been left with permission for MIL or FIL to move the car if it was in the way at all.

Has anyone pointed out to Zara that this is Xander’s special night and not hers?

YANBU
Yannick

I think theclockticksslowly has hit the nail on the head. It’s a 2 seater. Is he bringing a date who will be in the spare seat when mum hops out of the driver’s seat?

I think your're right theclockticksslowly Xander wants to make a flash entrance as does Zara driving away.

Don't blame you at all OP. let them rent a fancy car and/or get Wilma and Vince to pay

Great names by the way.

Yuki

I was wondering if they had already suggested it was their weekend runabout car, but yeah, zander driving up in his new car seems more likely.

i have a friend with a flash 2 seater, he drove a niece to her wedding in it. Then for the next 2 years people seemed to assume he had started a wedding chauffeur service! He did it a few times if he was going to the wedding but it meant his partner taking their car and taxis to collect the next day.

why can’t they just hire one?

She is a CF supreme! And Wilma and Vince are also CFs!

Block the lot of them. How dare they berate you for this.

Wtf!

Zara could be the footman and you the driver for this Xinderella-esq episode, surely!!!

It makes me laugh when people pay for their kids private schooling but won't take out a small insurance policy to do something like this (and assume the person with the fancy car will actually loan it to them in the first place).

Wilma and Fred Vince need to butt out. Its nothing to do with them and should understand that encouraging someone to commit a criminal offence is incredibly unattractive....

YANBU at all - stand firm (or if you wanted to offer an olive branch, you could phone your insurance & ask how much to add her for a day as a named driver & then let her know so she can pay for that if she wants to, but only if you would be ok with her driving it insured - say no still if you think her driving is just too shite)

Fuck right of 'friend'. Hire a car, I've offered to drive him. Take it or leave it.

A friend recently borrowed my car for 48 hours while hers had work done and I was away, an on the day temporary policy for the two days was less than £30 apparently and my car was £70k when bought a year ago so not a banger. If she can't stump up £30 to save the night from being 'ruined' then it's all on her for promising what she has no right to.

Yves , no you are not unreasonable, the least she should do is pay for insurance , seems to me it’s more about her than Xander .

Fuck em! Not a cat in hells chance would they get their grubby mits on my car! They are behaving appallingly by their wining and begging. Stand firm.

Loving the tandem and wheelbarrow suggestions

Yehudi, as in Menuhin.

Strap Zara to the roof?

Just checking Yugo is definitely a name suggestion and not alternative transport? My gran had one of those decades ago

On a separate issue, this gauche tacky display of showing off should never, ever be encouraged. Proms cost struggling parents a fortune - between dresses, hair, make up, ticket cost etc - all because their child made the fairly unremarkable feat of going to school. I’ve seen videos of these young kids showing up in sports cars and I just watch and think “You are being taught that rocking up in an expensive piece of kit is to be fawned over and admired, and your parents want to send ONE message to your mates: that their child has better material things than they do.”

It reflects the absolute worst symptom of a modern society, it’s plain old showing off and I was raised to believe showing off was rude and inappropriate. These kids are 18 - give them the gift of learning some humility. Go to prom to have a blast with your mates, not to have a spitting contest over who has the richest parents.