To think this is CF and inappropriate and say no?

[KindaProm]

Well actually, I've already said no, and I'm getting a lot of attitude from various folk about my response sadly. So I'm here on AIBU to check myself.

A close family member, Zara has a son, Xander 17 who is at a specialist sixth form.

Every Christmas the school has a Very Fancy Christmas Event for Year 13 that all the children make massive efforts for. Think red carpet, photos, lovely food and entertainment.

They like to arrive in style.

I have a nice car. Zara would like to drive Xander in it to the event.

She's not willing to pay for insurance to drive it, and I'm not willing to fund her, so I've refused. She's not a great maneouverer anyway and I'd be concerned that she'd damage it.

She's having a hissy fit because I've RUINED his evening, they've been plotting this arrival since he joined this College. News to me, I was asked at the weekend for the event at the end of term.

Another close family member, Wilma, has called me several times to cajole, persuade and finally berate me for not allowing Zara to have this pleasure. Yes it's all about Zara, not Xander.

Wilma's DH, Vince, has also started trying to persuade me to let Zara drive it just in the grounds of the event, as its private property and insurance is almost irrelevant at that point.

I'm still saying no. Even if I'd consider it, what would I do whole she drove it on the grounds? Stand at the roadside like a plum while she pootles up the driveway?
How's she going to get to the venue?

I've offered to drive him myself but nope, not good enough; Zara needs to be there.

I'm not being unreasonable am I?

And Wilma and Vince need to stick out of it, don't they?

You offered to chauffeur them both there yourself?! YANBU

Yuri. Nothing to say that hasn't already been said.

YANBU. This sounds very much like Hyacint Bucket/Bouquet. Always trying to be "better" than the neighbours. If it's so important for that mother why doesn'nt she rent a car? A limo? An Rolls? Whatever? I don't let anybody drive my car either. I will drive a person (one person, my car is a two-seater) to a venue if asked to do so, but nobody touches that key.

Youssef.
Your car, your shout. Let her hire a fancy car if it matters so much to her

If she’s that desperate to drive him in a nice car, tell her to hire/lease one, the cheeky mare.

Can someone explain 'CF' please?

It means cheeky fucker.

They want a free ride at your cost and risk.

Tell them to hire a nice car...

Yusof

Utterly baffling. Zara won’t pay insurance so would be driving insured which is illegal: case closed.
Actually I would never lend
my car to anyone, insurance or not. If they bugger it up there will always be bad blood in future, even if they pay for the repairs.

@KindaProm Yousef

You are 💯 in the right! The attitudes of these people are outrageous. Stick to your guns. They have no right to your car (especially after refusing to pay for insurance!!) and to rope others in to try and persuade you is out of order.

You sound v reasonable. Zara is a pretentious knob x

Stick her in the boot😂

Ah! Thank you!

CFs! You stick to your guns @KindaProm

My exH used to drive jags, they’re powerful cars and need experience to drive. I remember driving one and getting very fast, very quickly after driving it in the same way as my fiesta!!

I think the fact you’ve offered to drive means YANBU.

Can you drive Xander to the event and then Zara follows on in her boring normal car?

Tell her to eff off, get a grip & hire a bloody car (with insurance!) if she's that bothered about it! Cheeky cow.

Irresponsible to consider allowing her to drive your cat 🐈‍⬛

Yanis

Yes they are being cheeky, but I think that the real reason you don't like it is that you are a bit precious about your car. You just don't want anyone else driving it in case it gets damaged. Most insurance allows occasional use by an unnamed driver with permission. I get the feeling that you would still feel uncomfortable if she drove it, even if she paid for the insurance. You probably give the impression that you consider yourself to be a better driver by refusing to allow her to drive. That said, I really have little understanding for people's obsessions with their cars (or any cars for that matter). It's just a lump of metal that gets you from A to B.

Having found out that it's your sister, I'm afraid that you come across even less well. I don't really understand the whole sibling rivalry thing really. I would at least take the time to check the terms of your policy and then, if she's interested still, get her to look up a short term quote. If you're happy to drive, then drive to the venue, whilst she follows in the car, and then let her take over on private property where it will be quieter. Instead you are both being fairly stubborn here and creating issues that could lead to further resentment. This could easily be resolved if she did the leg work re the insurance quote and you were a bit more accommodating.

@Inheritanceconundrum I'm really not being stubborn.

What you've suggested is practically what I've suggested. Get yourself insurance, and you're welcome. Though I'm slightly worried about her maneuvering skills.

She's being resolute regarding not needing insurance.

I'm certainly (and have been since it was requested) content for her to do it with a caveat of insurance.

I’d be conveniently away with my car.