To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

[Wheresmemum]

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

You're far too sensitive.

The appropriate reaction in this situation is to roll your eyes discretely and laugh it off. She obviously has her own problems. Whatever her issue is it most likely has nothing at all to do with you and your holiday. It's certainly not worth crying over.

In my experience, women who won't do trips without their husband are generally... The sort that can manage nothing on their own, have zero competence and confidence etc. Also the sort who are so under the husband's thumb that they wouldn't do it because he wouldn't like it, and the sort who wouldn't do it because that would be an opening for him to do the same; and they are codependent and insecure and maybe a bit controlling themselves so they don't want that.

Are you sure she didn’t mishear “Spain” as “Ukraine?”

I have taken my DD away loads of times just the two of us. To Spain, Italy, Greece, Hungary and France. Had a splendid time, no problems whatsoever.

She is either crazy, stupid, jealous or some combination of those, but don’t let her stop you.

Come up with some short and firm statements to handle the Piss Ferrets of this world...

For example:

'I couldn't go to so and so without my husband...'

'Oh dear that is a shame for you, I love travelling by myself/with x...'

'Such and such a place is awwwwwwwwwwful...'

'I prefer to form my own opinions, based on my own experiences, but thankyou for your... input.'

If you enjoyed Piss Ferrets, ask me all about Shit Weasels (similar but there are significant differences). Yes, yes I do have a lot of time on my hands to think up such silly stuff :D

Ah okay well thanks to @WiddlinDiddlin for the laughs! Much appreciated! 💐

@Tapasita thank you for this great advice and I'll definitely take it! 💕

@WiddlinDiddlin 🤣🤣🤣 I absolutely love your phrases and I'm really curious to know what's the difference between piss ferrets and shit weasels? 🤣

What a gold plated nut job this woman is! Spain dangerous!

If it makes you feel better OP, my widowed mother is in her 70s & currently having the time of her life on her own in Spain. She keeps sending me photos of her brunch cocktails and I am definitely not jealous at all Especially because she wanted me to go with her & I couldn't!

Thankyou for asking id have died inside if no one had

So the Piss Ferret is determined all things are awful, miserable, crap, based on bugger all, or their own bias or just their enjoyment of potentially spoiling other peoples fun.

The Shit Weasel however, will find the tiniest negative thing, no matter how good the over all thing, and point it out and harp on about it.

For example, someones wedding day was bloody brilliant, great food, lovely cake, lots of booze, not too much hanging around for guests... but say, the church was a bit chilly... THATS the bit the Shit Weasel will weasel out, and weasel on and on about until thats apparently ALL there was about the day.

My sister is a bit of a Shit Weasel, can't just accept the overall positivity, she has to drag up the slightest negative and draaaaaaaaag it out and do it to death.

So unlike the Piss Ferret, the things the Shit Weasel points out are real BUT... generally insignificant or, if not, you're trying to let them go because they're in the past and can't be changed now, rather than focus on them!

I second this great advice OP.

There is definitely a problem with certain types of women (and no, I don't notice men doing it) who try to take their power in a very strange and distorted way by trying to make others feel 'less than'. I've seen them upset people, and I've seen them try different tactics on me. I hold my own as I truly don't care and find it pathetic. I don't 'react' or dance around them and at the point where they're trying to force me into some dispute I completely disconnect, either physically walk away or don't answer. It is bullying. Once I accept that there are some weird women in the world who will try to bully me, I no longer feel upset about it. It is of no surprise and I have some tools.

Don't let her get to you.
She may have had something going on in her personal life that was making her jealous or defensive. Maybe she genuinely thought she was giving helpful advice or had heard some holiday horror stories.

You're not unreasonable to be upset but try and work through it. In your mind just thank her for the concern and enjoy your holiday.

I'm sure it'll be fine but if you are concerned, there are probably all sorts of tips for lone / young female travellers you could have a glance through to prepare yourself.

Everyone knows a fun sponge. That person who will always try to bring a rain cloud to the occasion. I have travelled alone and with my kids extensively in the world. Spain is a lot safer than the average UK High Street on a Friday night if you keep your wits about you. You are not exactly heading for Kabul. I suppose that applies to most European countries in that they are mostly safe if tourists follow the recommendations for the area. I wouldn't consider this woman as having a problem with you. She probably has a problem with anyone she considers different and more adventurous than herself. She may quietly be tied up in knots about her own anxieties and co-dependency issues. I used to refuse to do school runs to avoid people like her who are just itching to bring their negative spin to everything. As a cancer patient, I avoid these sorts of people like the plague nowadays, but you should know there are misery vultures out there who thrive on the unfortunate circumstances of those around them. So, now you know many people encounter challenging fun sponges, get packing your bag and a fabulous holiday abroad.

@WiddlinDiddlin Thanks for these definitions and yes that horrible woman was definitely a piss ferret! And sadly I know a few shit weasels too! I'm forever going to use these phrases now 🤣🤣🤣 it's made me realise how sad and pathetic that piss ferret was being! 🤣

@sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea how lovely for your mum I think that's amazing! What a fantastic woman! I hope I'm still flying to warmer climes when I'm in my 70s 💕

@Wheresmemum It's daft but I do find it makes them easier to ignore, 'oh look, a Shit Weasel, best set brain to ignore mode' They are indeed sad and pathetic.

I hope you enjoy your hols!

I haven't rtft but can see that you've had lots of support and feel better.

YANBU to think that this woman was horrible - she definitely was.

But I am genuinely surprised that you were so upset by the random observation of a rude stranger.

You have only got to come on mn to see that there are lots of people with different opinions, values and choices. A thread about the use of a tumble drier becomes a heated debate about the pros and cons. So it stands to reason that anything we say in life will be received by whoever is listening, and then disagreed with by half of them. They just usually have the social awareness not to say it out loud.

So yes do ignore this woman. We don't know what is going on in her life to make her so blunt and miserable, but definitely right to ignore her and focus on enjoying your trip.

I think also have a phrase ready for if she does it again about something else.

There are some people who are just argumentative, aggressive and generally antisocial. They tend to have friends who tolerate their behaviour out of loyalty or that they can see the "real them" underneath.

Sadly I'm coming to the conclusion that one of my friends is one of these. She bitches and moans to me about everything under the sun. I'm up all hours receiving these ranting text messages about her ill treatment for her disability.

Whilst I sympathize, I really do, I don't know why she has to always make such a fuss and escalate the situation until there are lawyers involved etc.

My point is, it's likely she is the problem not you, but other people are either thicker skinned or tolerate her.

Some people are fucking weird. Just stop giving a fuck and then you’ll be fine.

I really don’t get it when people allow arseholes to get to them. Why do you even listen to someone like this? Why do you empower idiots like this?

I really thought you were setting us up for the joke about discussing holiday plans with the hairdresser. "Italy? Far too hot. You'll hate the food. Seeing the Pope? He'll just be a dot in the distance..."

After the holiday: "Well, it was lovely! Not too warm at all, loved the food and got a personal audience with the Pope!" "What did he say?" "Who the f**k did your hair?"

Spain is no more dangerous than the UK - probably less so. Just pay normal due attention to basic things like your handbag, money, passport etc. Women travel alone and together (without men) all around the world ALL THE TIME! Do not let this stupid woman disturb you for one moment longer and do not let her spoil your holiday or undermine your general confidence in social situations.

I voted YABU because you shouldn’t have let this upset you. The woman probably was just up for a debate - stand your ground next time!

YANBU. She sounds like a bitter, nasty piece of work-dont let her spoil your holiday with your daughter. And what on earth is her beef with Spain??! Just because she only wants to travel with her DH (poor bloke) doesn't mean every woman has to. This is 2023 not 1953 ffs!!

Some of my best memories with my mum are when we’ve gone on holiday, just the two of us. We’ve been away a few times together, starting in my teens and been to the UK, Europe and New York. We’ve left my dad at home, my brother, my husband, my kids… time for just the two of you is very special indeed.

please don’t let this fun sponge of a bitch spoil your holiday, and make sure to tell everyone, including her, what an amazing time you've had when you get back!