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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset over this woman all evening and most of Sunday

254 replies

Wheresmemum · 27/11/2023 00:30

So I've recently joined a women's social group and went out with them for the second time last night. Everything seemed fine and we were all still getting to know each other. But I noticed one woman being really "off" with me. I genuinely didn't say anything wrong to her and be offensive in any way. So as I was telling the others that I'm really excited because my 20 year old daughter and I are planning on going away for a few days to Spain, she piped up and told me and everyone that I'll really hate it. She said she'd been and it was awful so I'll find it awful too! She also added that she couldn't believe I'm going on holiday with my daughter and wasn't I worried about safety? Us being two women travelling alone! I was really upset and annoyed, mainly because I was really looking forward to getting away (arsehole husband issues) and she went on and on about how she'd never go anywhere without her husband blah blah blah 😬She isn't aware of my issues with AH (Arsehole Husband). Anyway, I let her get to me to the point where I came home and just cried and started worrying that maybe going away with my daughter might not be such a good idea after all. And I really can't understand what this woman's issue was! The sad thing is this isn't the first time this has happened with women, I seem to set them off in some way! Someone told me that I'm too nice and that gets to them, why I don't know! (I'm a woman too btw, in case my post makes it sounds like I'm not ☺️) I have a few lovely close friends so I'm capable of making friends with other women. Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

OP posts:
jollygreenpea · 27/11/2023 09:59

Come on op, big girl pants and back bone time.

As soon as she started on how SHE didn't like Spain and how unsafe it is, you should have shut her down straight away.

You and your daughter are more than capable of looking after yourselves, and just because she did like it doesn't mean that you won't, and your more than willing to find out for yourself.

I think you have a 'you' problem instead of dealing with her you allowed yourself to stay silent and become up set.

okthenwhat · 27/11/2023 10:00

Some people genuinely can only see things from their perspective.

wuvoobee · 27/11/2023 10:06

Puffypuffin · 27/11/2023 06:57

Someone at work hates me. I had no idea why because we work in different departments and only really together very occasionally in the staff room. I left cakes in the staff room a couple of weeks ago as it was my birthday and I walked in behind her as she took one. She asked who they were from and when someone said they were from me she said 'Ew god no' and put the cake back and walked out. 😂 It was so weird. I now know (through a friend) that she loathes me because I'm Scottish and her ex boyfriend left her for a Scottish woman. So, er, there you go. Not much I can do about that really and it's so pathetic I won't even try. 🤷

Wow, that's incredible!

She probably needs therapy for that. How is she going to navigate the rest of her life like that? If she has children who meet Scottish partners and so on? 😂

Renamed · 27/11/2023 10:13

Some people, male and female, are fucking idiots, and rude too. I mean, I don’t want to go to Disneyland but if I met someone who was going, I would not say OMG it will be AWFUL queuing all day, creepy men in costumes, kids having meltdowns all over the place etc, and basically go out of my way to piss on their chips.

She is just a piece of work.

SpringleDingle · 27/11/2023 10:24

I did a week holiday with my DD (aged 12) this summer. It was fab! I love holidaying alone with my daughter. My AH is an exAH!

willWillSmithsmith · 27/11/2023 10:28

Why on earth are you letting her get to you? I would have just laughed in her face and told her to stop worrying herself over non issues. Perhaps for some reason she feels inferior to you (and generally) so was trying to knock you down. Don’t let her! Her opinions are of no value to you so rise above them.

KingsleyBorder · 27/11/2023 10:30

What is conspicuously absent from your post is any indication of how the other woman reacted when she came out with these batshit comments.

All groups have one person who is odd, just ignore her and concentrate on the nice ones. It’s crazy that you are letting her upset you like this- you didn’t know her before that evening and she’s probably weird to everyone. you need to work on your own resilience.

KingsleyBorder · 27/11/2023 10:30

Oh and if randoms coming out with batshit opinions is something that gets to you, Mumsnet is not the place for you!

Middleagedmeangirls · 27/11/2023 10:33

It's not a woman thing. It's a person thing.

My DH is a homebody and doesn't like travelling anywhere new. He feels vulnerable and uncomfortable so he limits himself to a very few destinations, mainly his parents country of origin and a few European/North American cities he has travelled to on business. I OTOH want to see the world, so often go off on my own or with friends or my adult DDs. No matter where I'm going he always tells me it's unsafe and I will be mugged/scammed/kidnapped. A case in point is an upcoming visit to Palm Springs -he told me I should not wear jewellery outside when I'm there because someone might rob me! Which of course they might, but it's no more likely there than it is in our home area in East London.

Try to ignore this woman. Don't let her fears undermine your self confidence or spoil your anticipation of your holiday.

Dobbyismyabsolutefav · 27/11/2023 10:35

Honestly don't give this woman any head space. I go on holiday most years with my DD, whilst my DH is working. DD is at uni now and we had a long weekend in a Spanish city this summer and it was great to have some time together.

diddl · 27/11/2023 10:37

Did you say anything to her at all or was she more or less just criticising away to herself?

Not everyone gets on with everyone but if she really thinks that her experience is everyone else's that is just daft.

Did you ask her opinion?

Why would it make you doubt that going away with your daughter is a good idea?

Ragruggers · 27/11/2023 10:43

She is just an idiot.No one with any brain cells would say that. Just look at her in future and smile and then turn away and chat with other people.Ignore.Iwould feel sorry for her.Have a lovely time with your daughter.

MargotBamborough · 27/11/2023 10:49

She sounds absolutely bonkers, OP.

I think I'd have frowned at her and then said, "Are you quite alright?"

You'll be absolutely fine travelling to Spain with your daughter, hope you have a lovely time.

Winnading · 27/11/2023 10:50

Has anyone else had this experience of other women behaving "off" with them without reason?

yes but I'm well aware we cant all get along with everyone. So I don't take it personally, in fact I don't care what others say about my plans. Because I'm a grown adult.
Just ignore or if your brave enough, just take the piss next time.

KimberleyClark · 27/11/2023 10:50

Puffypuffin · 27/11/2023 06:57

Someone at work hates me. I had no idea why because we work in different departments and only really together very occasionally in the staff room. I left cakes in the staff room a couple of weeks ago as it was my birthday and I walked in behind her as she took one. She asked who they were from and when someone said they were from me she said 'Ew god no' and put the cake back and walked out. 😂 It was so weird. I now know (through a friend) that she loathes me because I'm Scottish and her ex boyfriend left her for a Scottish woman. So, er, there you go. Not much I can do about that really and it's so pathetic I won't even try. 🤷

How bloody bizarre.

I have also made a note of “nasty little piss ferret”. OP that’s exactly what this woman is. Have a wonderful time with your lovely daughter in Spain.

wildwestpioneer · 27/11/2023 10:53

Sounds like she's jealous of you having a lovely relationship with your dd and getting to go away to Spain. You'll probably find she's not got the confidence to go on holiday by herself and she's jealous of anyone who does.

Some people can't be happy for others. Ignore her and have a wonderful time. I took my teen dd away to Tenerife this year and we had an amazing time.

cerisepanther73 · 27/11/2023 10:58

@5128gap

You don't have to have something speacial about yourself to have some one in this case a rather strange woman make a unnecessary remarks as this,

You could be right she could lack social skills and be overly anxious ect
she could be giving out misunderstood vibes type of persona,

on the otherhand she could be, a needy to be allways be centre of attention, and insecure , creates drama if she is not centre of attention and is hard work,

ive come across a woman like that, thankfully i got rid of that headfuck , several years ago,

A woman like that would be frankly envious about allmost anything it could be cause you are someone who people like to talk connect too,
it could be cause you come across as you have things -more - together- type , in your personal life than she does,
it could be cause you have the cofindence and means to be adventurous and travel abroad anywhere

It could be cause you are alive breathing and kicking

Rember Jeoulsy is , and can be extremely irrational emotion, it be so irrational emotional that people even turn to murder cause of it, and not handling this emotion properly,

I watch true life murders episodes on YouTube,

If she was intelligent enough woman and she is just simply jealous and insecure, she would use that feeling constructely to better herself,
to improve her self esteem and look at what's behind the jealous feelings.

Jaxhog · 27/11/2023 11:03

Take no notice, I go away with my Mum frequently and she's 94. You'll be fine!

She's probably just jealous that you have a great Mother/Daughter relationship. I've had this too.

cerisepanther73 · 27/11/2023 11:08

@Wheresmemum

Rember that weird bitchy woman, has to live with her insecurities and nastiness all the time,
amagine what it must feel like to be like that 24/7 then?

Bless her she must feel like shit a lot of the time, L.o.l

so just rise up and develop a thicker skin,

She simply is not worth even one second of though feeling of your precious time,

Rember don't make her issues, your own

Next time laugh it off, be patronising to anyone like that ,
it will piss her off no end,

A result a bonus for you

SuperSue77 · 27/11/2023 11:12

My mum and I travelled around Spain a bit when I was 23, we had a lovely time. I’ll
never forgot those lovely days we spent together, and neither will you and your daughter.
That odd woman is spouting rubbish, so please try to disregard her stupid comments, and go and make lovely memories with your daughter.

YouJustDoYou · 27/11/2023 11:14

Yeah I had one once, an older woman I worked with. She'd make comments about how my weight was "disgusting", make it a point to try and show me up any time the bosses were around, made sure I'd know when I hadn't been invited out in her stupid little clique. She was in her mid 30s but behaved like a teen, it was so weird. I just ignore her.

Go on your holiday op, ignore the stupid woman.

RedGreenYellowSchmellow · 27/11/2023 11:15

@mrlistersgelfbride I have the same issue! I have no idea why this mum doesn’t like me but is friendly with everyone else :D How do you deal with it? It it's so weird. she has been like this from day 1. no history attached...

Crikeyalmighty · 27/11/2023 11:18

Just think 'bollocks' OP- I've met a few women who seemed to take issue with me as I'm now 61. It's often a combination of factors, jealousy, personality disorders, their own life going to shit etc -

MsRosley · 27/11/2023 11:31

OP, forget this horrible woman, focus on yourself. Why have you let some random get to you so badly? Why did you feel unable to answer her back in a way that would shut you down? Why did you so take what she said to heart? I'm not criticising you, I think life is giving you a nudge to deal with what is going on inside you, so you develop the strength to resist people like this.

Wildo · 27/11/2023 11:32

Millions of Brits go to Spain each year. Wtf does one idiots experience matter?