Husband walked out help

[TyotyaKlava]

my Daughter 9 yo (autistic pda) came back from her brownies residential today. I think she was having a wind down but behaved horribly all of tonight. We bathed her before bed time and whilst bathing her she kept on screaming and refusing to do what she was told (such as wash herself). She kept on saying to her dad to not talk to him ( he is her favorite as he is a softie). At bedtime she told him to go away and never come back. After telling it to him twice he really got his coat and left! I’m angry with him as he should understand better she didn’t mean it. She’s got anger issues and he knows that. He shouldn’t have to walk out because of what a 9 year old tells him! She is now besides herself as she is worried he is going to kill himself (her school friends dad killed himself when they were younger). In trying to ring him but it’s going to voicemail. I’m slightly worried but also angry that he can be so silly and walk out because of what she told him she is a child after all! What do I do? Do I call the police? I can’t leave the house as don’t want to leave kids alone!

He'll be back once he's calmed down. I think it's good that she learns her words and actions have consequences.

Unless you have reason to believe he really may be at risk of harming himself then I would just give him some time to calm down and come home by himself. I’m not saying it was the right thing for him to walk out but we all have our breaking points.
When he comes home hopefully you can all talk and clear the air.

He’s probably just gone for a breather. Not ideal behaviour for a grown adult but perhaps better than screaming the place down if he felt that’s the way he was heading !

I think we all have our limits and he’s left her with another parent. Sometimes walking away and calming down is the best thing to do. Not ideal - but no one has an endless capacity to take abuse.

He is not suicidal but who knows! It could take its toll to leave with a difficult child who is never happy. I mean it’s miserable outside where on earth he could be!

Everyone has a limit OP. He's likely to have just gone for a breather. You can't expect him to react how you want him to. He's a person with thoughts and feelings of his own.

I think you need to calm the situation and tell her that you've spoke to him and he's just gone to the shops and will be back soon.

Tell her he was a little upset but he's fine now.

Hes gone to calm down. Asdumingbits only been about an hour just leave him to it. He will he back.

Yes agree with others. He's probably reached his limit and just gone for a break. Kids always say things like that at some point no matter ifvthey have SEN or not.

He's probably gone out to calm down in case he loses it.
This is preferable to losing it which would have made the situation worse 😕

I’m sure he’s gone for a walk to cool down. Whether she meant it or not we all have our limits and sounds like he was at his tonight. He will soon be back, it’s freezing outside

As others have suggested he’s probably a bit overwhelmed and maybe overstimulated and has taken a step back to calm down. He might have been stressed with her screaming and then her words to him were the final straw.

How long has he been gone - did he take wallet/phone?

but leaving to decompress in these situations is normal to calm down I do it sometimes go for a 15 minute walk

He has reached his limit for now. Your child is safe with you, would you rather he stayed and lost it with her ? Maybe it is was something that needed to happen .

Tbh, if I was subject to that sort of abuse and bad behaviour, SEN or not, I would be out of the door for a breather (obviously if another adult was available to supervise in my absence). Maybe your dd needs to be sat down and told that her actions have consequences.

Honestly it’s not uncommon for DH to come home and I have 2 toddlers screaming at me at which point I say ‘can you take over - I need 15 mins’. I just walk around the block a couple of times, or sit in the car if the weather’s crap - but as PPs have said it’s better than me screaming at them back.

You can use this as a learning experience for your daughter. ‘I’m sure daddy is fine, but when you say mean things people get hurt.’ If he isn’t home by the morning, call the police.

Abuse?
Fml there's always one

Give him a break OP, she said some terribly hurtful things and even though he will know intellectually that she doesn't mean it, it would still really hurt.

I'm sure he'll be back when he's unwound and calm. Greet him with a hug - and get comfort from his hug of you.

He is human and allowed to feel fed up and want a breather. I think it's good that your dd learns that her horrible words have consequences. Does she think she will be let off just because she has some issues? It doesn't work that way. She needs to learn that there are consequences.

Well, she told him to.

It's not great, but at some point she will have to survive in an adult world, so she will have to learn that it's not acceptable to talk to someone like that.

I would say he has gone for a walk to get some fresh air as he didn't want to get cross with her, and when he comes back maybe she might like to consider apologising to him for shouting at him.

We had some horrendous outbursts after a cub weekend. DS didn't actually like being away from us, and it was anxiety that triggered the behaviour. Ask her if she found being away from home difficult.

I think it’s absolutely fine to take a breather. But he needs to let you know that he is ok so you don’t have to worry.

This is unfair on you. You have to look after the kids and deal with the stress he has caused. What if you wanted to walk out too?

Settle your daughter and any other children and get them into bed. If she's still worried tell her dad is OK, was upset but will be home soon. Leave a calm voicemail for your husband, asking him to call/be home soon.

Looking forward, work on some strategies together to ignore or cope with your daughter's meltdowns. Taking time out is a good idea but you both need to agree how that will happen. He knows she loves him.

Everyone has a limit, he's probably gone to calm down. Better to know when you need it. Try not to worry. We all need a breather some times.

A few posters have suggested lying to your dd that he will be home soon. You don't know that, so I wouldn't be saying that.

You can't say such horrible things to people, autism or not, so assuming he has just gone for some space, it's actually a pretty sensible thing to do. She won't be saying that again in a hurry.

He should be communicating with you though. I'd send him a nice message at this stage.