To be sad our friends gave away our pram?

[GotMooMilk]

We have 2 kids age 7 and nearly 4. When DC2 was around 2.5 our friends were having a baby and asked if they could borrow our pram. I was about to sell it on (it was a nice pram and would have got £3/400 second hand) but we said they could have it for their DC and we could sell it when they were done.

Roll on 2.5 years later they’re having DC2 and have got a new pram. We asked about our one and turns out they gave it away a year ago. For reference they are v wealthy so wouldn’t have needed the money but I’m upset that they wouldn’t offer it back to us first. It’s sentimental value but also we could have sold it! And now they’re having another they’re buying a new pram it just seems a waste.

I think my emotions are just high and I get when you give something away you have no rights to it but my understanding was we were lending rather than giving. What do you think?

Unfortunately this seems to happen a lot, people have very little respect for other peoples property. I would be upset as well , even if they thought you had given it to them they should’ve offered it back or asked if they could pass it on. The fact that they gave it away when clearly were planning to have another child tells me that it wasn’t a pram that they particularly liked which is why have bought something else now but if they are wealthy why did you lend it to them in the 1st place? If you want to sell stuff on then don’t lend it out as it will just get further damaged/loose value. Think just move on from it and it’s a lesson learned

If you told them you wanted it back, then yes its rude to not give it back. Depends what you said.
Is it worth ruining a friendship over though. Just make sure never to do this again. We can only learn by our mistakes and we do.

Some people are just less sentimental than others.

My friend Lydia and I had children at the same time. A couple of years later we were both ttc. She succeeded, sadly I wasn’t ever able to have another child.

Lydia had less money than me and wanted a particular baby item. After much dithering, I offered her the item I’d used with my DC1 and then saved for the DC2 who never came. I saw Lydia’s children as like nephews and I thought if my own child will never use it at least these lovely ones will and I can see it with them. Giving it away was also part of my accepting I’ll never have another baby. Lydia said great thanks. A week later I saw it on local Fb: Lydia had changed her mind and was giving it away for free (£50 item in ‘as new’ condition).

It hurt a surprising amount. I messaged her to say hey if you don’t want it I’ll have it back. She did give it back to me but seemed surprised and like it was junk to get rid of. She seemed to think she’d done me a favour taking it off my hands!

Some people just aren’t sentimental 🤷‍♀️

Ten years later it’s still in my attic, perhaps grandchildren will use it. The baby things I used for far too short a time aren’t junk, they’re very precious to me and if people don’t appreciate that I’d rather they spend the next 20 years in the attic.

They clearly didn’t realise you wanted it back and I can’t imagine it had much/any life left in it after 3 kids over that duration. Ours was ready for the tip after 5 years/2 kids - we certainly wouldn’t have felt ok selling it on after that much wear and tear. Drop this. Clearly misunderstanding. Friendship more important and you’ve not ‘lost’ what you think you have.

I think its rude as well but maybe 'popular' people just don't think.

I say that because my best friend pretty much demanded our cot (we bought a toddler bed and moved DS because she wouldn't stop rushing us) and then she 'got rid of it' because someone give her a 'cuter' one.

Another person who just had a baby we gave our VERY nice Moses basket to and when visiting it was nowhere to be seen but THREE others where out and they where moaning how they got given two the same and had to throw one out because it was clearly 'used' as if it was a hassle to them that the took at least 5 Moses baskets off different people.

When my oldest was born we got given a bin bag of old clothes off a cousin and a monitor off a different cousin and a few cards and gifts from friends (the odd outfit, teddy, blanket) that was pretty much it. I can only assume we aren't as popular (the two mams in question are very much 'life of the party' types who know everyone).

Even if offered though I just can't imagine going around taking loads of stuff I know I don't need. It seems like these people just collect everything and then 'cherry pick' the 'best' out of what they got.

Yes the moaning I mentioned above seemed to be very much... great now we have to get rid of all this excess trash (the duplicates they decided not to keep) but its NOT trash its baby stuff they ASKED people for.

Very different situation. They sold you the pram, not gifted or loaned it. You can do whatever you like with it. Donating it to a local baby bank is a lovely thing to do.

I get the point, it’s not theres to sell . I lent and gave back the pram . Was grateful not a grifter .

I don’t understand why people lend out baby equipment. It can get trashed. Either give it or sell it to people, don’t expect it back. It comes up all the time on here.

This. This. This.

I would never jump to the conclusion that my friends were ripping me off! Surely your first thought is that it’s a misunderstanding.

‘Lent’ being the important word here! Lent not ‘gave’.
I lent family member my baby stuff, she gave it away and it meant I had to buy it all again.. so not on

I agree that you wouldn't have got much for the pram but they should have asked. When we are getting rid of things we have been given we always ask the giver if they would like them back first. Having said that I tried and failed to sell a pram in decent condition recently (no takers despite reducing the price) so gave it to a relative to use as a spare. I would be surprised if they asked if we wanted it back tbh.

I personally would never give something away that someone loaned me without asking them. And stuff I've given to people they've always asked before passing it on. (Also I cried when I sold my double buggy, so I definitely get the sentimental value bit!)

My sister gave away my doll's house! Sis was 9 years older than me and had kids in her 20's and early 30's. Two daughters, 7 years apart. I didn't have my first daughter until I was 30. When my daughter was about 2 I asked her if her youngest, then about 9, still played with the doll's house and, if not, could I please have it back? The reply was that younger niece had never been interested so they'd given it away to a friend! Without letting me know or asking if I'd like it back. Was livid!

That’s bad , it’s lovely to be able to use something then give it back . A dolls house could become an heirloom to pass to your children

Yes in the eyes of the law a borrowed item is not your property, the borrowee has a duty of care to protect and return it or is liable in small claims court to replace or reimburse it.

So if they sell and item that is not theres it is to crudely put it 'nicked'.

You say they're WEALTHY.
In my experience people are WEALTHY for a REASON.
Because they're CLEVER.
I don't believe they ' gave' it away. They Sold it.
If I was you I would deffo not let them get away with it. I would say something like: That's sad you got rid of my pram as I promised it to my cousin aftereards. ( Forget timelines to sound feasible as THEY HAVE NO SCRUPLES) Do this because people like this make my blood boil and they prob sell any birthday presents they get for profit and Ive known people like this and always give things which can't be sold .

I agree they did the wrong thing but I think it's likely they forgot! You get so much baby stuff and the first few years are very hectic so they might have just misremembered the terms.

As others have said, prams don't really keep their value and after 2 babies and using it and several years of fashion changes and safety upgrades, it probably wouldn't have been worth more than about £50 unfortunately.

Hopefully another family is now getting use out of it. It's OK to be sad about it though.

But they didn't sell it. They gave it away.

Doesn't matter if they lose it or it gets stolen or burns in a house fire in small claims court they they STILL have to replace or reimburse it.

It wasn't their property but was entrusted into their care, when they took it they assumed all responsibility for its return to its owner in fair working condition.

'Money' has nothing to do with it.

They had no right doing that. A true saying is ' Never a borrower or lender be'. I have a coach built Silver Cross that we bought in 1978. It was used for our three and four grandchildren when they came a visit but nobody ever got a loan of it. I still have it.

Radio shark , a classic pram wrapped up with memories. Love a coach built pram .

When they were done with it they obviously should’ve asked you if you wanted it back, however after three children using it and over seven years of use I imagine it was probably not in brilliant condition anymore. That’s probably why they bought a new pram for the new baby. There is no way you would’ve got £100s for it, and if it was really that sentimental you shouldn’t have loaned it to them. I imagine they probably just forgot, they probably accepted it at a time when they were very tired and overwhelmed.

Honestly, if they’re so wealthy I wouldn’t have even offered to lend it to them. I’d have just sold it as intended as they could surely afford their own.

As regards the situation it very much depends how clear you were. In your post you say you lent it, but then say they can “have it”. How clear were you? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to raise the fact they should have asked you first.

I see this thread is now an article on HuffPost.