To be sad our friends gave away our pram?

[GotMooMilk]

We have 2 kids age 7 and nearly 4. When DC2 was around 2.5 our friends were having a baby and asked if they could borrow our pram. I was about to sell it on (it was a nice pram and would have got £3/400 second hand) but we said they could have it for their DC and we could sell it when they were done.

Roll on 2.5 years later they’re having DC2 and have got a new pram. We asked about our one and turns out they gave it away a year ago. For reference they are v wealthy so wouldn’t have needed the money but I’m upset that they wouldn’t offer it back to us first. It’s sentimental value but also we could have sold it! And now they’re having another they’re buying a new pram it just seems a waste.

I think my emotions are just high and I get when you give something away you have no rights to it but my understanding was we were lending rather than giving. What do you think?

You are not being unreasonable - you did them a favour and they’ve sold your property! I would ask them for the money! They cannot be good friends if they have done this.

OP, your timeline doesn’t make sense. DD2 is 4, you gave her pram away when she was 2 1/2. So that would be 1 1/2 years ago, but you go on to say its been 2 1/2 years since you gave it away and you say they gave it away a year ago.

100% not the point. Even if they'd got £20 for it, that's massively helpful to a lot of people at the moment, and it's up to THEM who it goes to.

Lots of reasons. First big purchase for first baby. Bought by grandparents, one of whom is no longer with us. Used instead of a Moses basket so when we brought them home from hospital, that's where they went. Used daily across two maternity leaves and then every weekend once back at work. Briefly adapted as a double for a trip to see said grandparent when they were very ill. Been to every Santa visit, every birthday trip out to the farm, every walk with beloved friends we don't see very often.

Basically, it's a physical representation of many good times in a particular stage of our lives that's not quite over yet. When we're finally done with it, not long now as youngest is 3, I'll be sad to send it on its way, and happy to see someone else get some use out of it.

I don't feel this way about any other baby stuff, because none of it has been used as consistently.

I really don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'd be very irked in your situation tbh.

YANBU and they are thoughtless & careless.

I think I'd be a bit passive-aggressive and say "Oh, that's ufortunate. I was going to sell it on and use the money for special presents for the children this Christmas."

If your "friends" really are your friends, they will then ask you how much you could have sold it for, you'll say £300 and they will stump up.

But pigs fly everyday, don't they?

Distance yourself, ad don't do them any more favours.

I would go back and say you were shocked to be told they had given the pram away as you made it clear it was a loan, and when they finished with it, having expected them to take care of it, you would get it back and sell on

money is tight and you could do with that money You estimate you would get £xx for it and here’s your bank account details

you may lose the friendship but they don’t sound like friends anyway

They owe you a pram. Is their new one of comparable value? If so, the solution should be that that is now yours to sell once their second child has grown out of it.

They are cheeky fuckers. Tell them you are trying for a baby and would like their new pram when they are finished with it, then sell it.

This. You are not wrong but move on.

I'd say it would be difficult for anyone to remember the minuate detail about what to do with a pram once they have finished using it. They probably assumed it wasn't required as yours were too grown up for it. They fact they gave it away means they didn't profit and someone needy gets the use of it? Sentimental value is of no consequence if you were going to sell it when it was returned to you anyway.

you are not unreasonable, and you need to tell them they are CF and owe you a hundred quid

I think it was very cheeky of them to ask to borrow it. I prob would have told them I had coincidentally just listed it for sale and had sold it quickly (and then sold it in hurry!!)

You are being very unreasonable and making a drama out of this. If the pram had so much sentimental value why are you thinking of selling it?

I don’t give anything away or lend anything I’m not happy to never see again. We have so much baby stuff away for free and are expecting again so I have some regrets but thankfully I didn’t give away the things I would have really regretted!

I think you're being a little bit unreasonable. I imagine they either forgot because some time has passed or they just assumed they could pass it forward and give it away because you no longer need a pram and you wouldn't get much, if any money for it.

If you're good friends then I'd leave it personally.

I think it’s better never to lend things myself. You can give things away but lending often ends up with these kind of situations which are usually misunderstandings but a case of you valuing the item more than the borrower as you paid for it in the first place.

Thus.

YANBU

Fine. I just keep an eye on her CF tendencies(!)

I wouldn't have lent a 'very wealthy' couple a pram I was planning on selling. No wonder they're wealthy!

Was it Carrie Johnson?

Hmmmm. So agree with others that monetary value isn't really the point. A x3 used pram isn't worth selling on unless you are very hard up. It's polite to offer to return something you have borrowed even if you are sure in your own mind that the other party is done with it.

Unless you are someone who gets pumped up with righteous indignation at these kinds of slights it's really not worth 'calling them out' or whatever. What would be the benefit? Best case, they offer you £50 and your friendship is forever awkward.

My grand always said, 'never a lender nor a borrower be', and there is quite a bit of wisdom there. For me yes I do lend things (two baby related things spring to mind which I very much hope to get back, I was clear on that!) but I am not a particularly sentimental person and if they are not returned it will be annoying but not the end of the world.

Learn from this and move on is best all round OP x

I'd probably have to let it go. I get why you're upset. I would be too. I get too sentimental over these things though, I planned to sell my last pram because it was lovely and expensive. But 8 years later and its still sat in the attic, probably worthless now. So, I have that guilt. You could have ended up like me, so just be glad that it's been used.
Other people aren't as precious about these things, so don't take what your friends did to heart too much.

The pram would have, probably, depreciated more in the intervening years. It may have been wiser to sell it to them at the time.
At least they gave it away my tightarse in laws sold the very expensive pram I gave them.
in fact they sold on everything I passed onto them, they really didn’t need the money and I feel that they should’ve passed on the goodwill. (I know once you give it that it’s no longer yours to decide!)
Once I realised what they were doing I gave straight to charities.
Probably best to forget and move on, unless a few hundred pounds is worth the bad feeling it will create and possibly lose a friendship.

As you made it clear it was a loan not a gift - in saying you'd sell it WHEN they were done with it - you need to ask them to either get it back or, if they can't do that, to pay the £3/400 you'd likely have earned on re-sale, so you're not out of pocket. Good luck!

Tell the CFers to cough up and pay you for the pram.

It was not their property and they are responsible for either getting it back or paying you back.

Don't lend anything to them again because they already have a track record.