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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad our friends gave away our pram?

225 replies

GotMooMilk · 26/11/2023 10:01

We have 2 kids age 7 and nearly 4. When DC2 was around 2.5 our friends were having a baby and asked if they could borrow our pram. I was about to sell it on (it was a nice pram and would have got £3/400 second hand) but we said they could have it for their DC and we could sell it when they were done.

Roll on 2.5 years later they’re having DC2 and have got a new pram. We asked about our one and turns out they gave it away a year ago. For reference they are v wealthy so wouldn’t have needed the money but I’m upset that they wouldn’t offer it back to us first. It’s sentimental value but also we could have sold it! And now they’re having another they’re buying a new pram it just seems a waste.

I think my emotions are just high and I get when you give something away you have no rights to it but my understanding was we were lending rather than giving. What do you think?

OP posts:
PortalooSunset · 26/11/2023 11:50

Lightatwinter · 26/11/2023 11:38

This, sorry. You are looking at £50 to £100 quid tops.

I think long term loans like this are always high risk. People are liable to forget it’s a loan, especially when they are gifted loads of stuff with a first born.

I’d put it down to experience and move on.

Show quote history

£50 to £100 is still a lot to give away.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 26/11/2023 11:51

I think if you made it clear to them you expected it back then they are out of order giving it away.

but, if you wanted to sell it you should have sold it in the first place.

if you are upset that they only had it for 18months and decided they wanted something different and feel a bit offended that they rejected the one you gave them then you are being unreasonable. It’s perfectly fine for them to decide it wasn’t working for them anymore (and if you had effectively given it to them without an expectation of getting it back then it’s fine for them to give it away).

you sound a bit wishy washy about your intentions for it so it sounds a little bit like you gave it without an intention of having it bag but are miffed that they no longer wanted it and only then decided that you would have taken it back without ever communicating it to them.

DoppelgängerTimes · 26/11/2023 11:54

This is a genuine question… of all the very important people / things / accomplishments that need your time and attention… is this pram worth it?

If it is, approach them for an equivalent refund/apology, and be done with it so you can engage your emotions to other things that benefit you and your family.
Since you had given them permission to use it as long as their child needed it, the only amount you could ask for would be its current value of much a typical pram would be worth after so many years of use.

Sounds like they can certainly afford it, especially if you are in genuine need yourselves right now. For some people, even something sold for £5 would be several cheap meals for a struggling family.

Would you resent it less if it had been given to a family who couldn’t afford any pram at all?

Be aware that may kill the friendship for good.

honoldbrist · 26/11/2023 11:55

Honestly op don't get stuck on principles and don't lend things you can't afford to get back. I bought a new pram for child 4 as after three children it was falling apart (bugaboo).

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 26/11/2023 11:56

Never lend what you're not willing to lose.

Things break, people forget, some people are down right rude and assume you've forfeited ownership.

Fwiw we borrowed my cousin's first travel system, it was a bugaboo system, and she had 3 kids in it before it got to me, my son's now 4.

When we did give it back, she was banking on flogging it for some quick cash but it had the wear and tear of 4 kids being in it, and I got chastised because she didn't get the amount she'd envisioned for it when trying to sell it and that was somehow my fault.

SaintJuliette · 26/11/2023 11:58

A third hand, 7 year old pram is going to be worth about 50p. YABU.

ColourChanger · 26/11/2023 11:59

If you need the money it's fine to ask them for the money and telling them you intended to sell it but wanted to help them out at the time.

Otherwise, I don't understand being sentimental about a pram that you: 1) were going to sell and, 2) gave to friends to use.

ActDottie · 26/11/2023 12:08

it Sounds like you made it clear you wanted it back so it was wrong of them to just give it away like that

balmysummerevening · 26/11/2023 12:09

This happens so much on here- I've seen multiple posts about lending things, people saying they want them back, and instead, it being given away, chucked or sold on ending up in hurt feelings.

Stop lending people stuff! these people are wealthy- why the fck cant they buy their own damn pram? Noone is obliged to constantly give away their things just because someone else has a baby- if you lend something to someone you have to do so on the basis you wont ever get it back. This is the ONLY way you wont end up hurt, resentful, and upset. If you are struggling for money then stop giving away your stuff, end of.

Wherearemykeysagain · 26/11/2023 12:09

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable being upset but also it seems from what you’ve said that in the fog of that new parent period they just misunderstood or forgot that you wanted it back. So I think give yourself time to feel upset and agrieved but I’d quietly forgive and move on.

RachelSTG · 26/11/2023 12:11

CityCommuter · 26/11/2023 10:09

@GotMooMilk that is so rude of them! If they are so wealthy why did they ask to borrow your pram? They were obviously planning to have another child too so they could have bought a pram for first child... Also are you sure they didn't sell your pram and not give it away?

How were they obviously planning to have second child?

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 26/11/2023 12:12

3luckystars · 26/11/2023 10:56

Same, I am very sentimental about my pram, I can’t bring myself to pass it on. I think I would cry, and it is wrecked and not worth anything. (And I’m not a hoarder)

But the pram can't at the same time have great sentimental value and be something the OP wants to sell on.

Andthereyougo · 26/11/2023 12:16

I’d send them a message. I’m sad to hear you sold our pram which we loaned to you for baby1. We clearly said we would have it back to sell on. I, sure you’ll be happy to send us the £100/£150/£200 (delete as applicable) for the pram.

They sound like thoughtless entitled people.

Lazysunday46 · 26/11/2023 12:17

If they are well off why would they need to borrow a pram. It os awful of them I would not be happy either. But when you lend to people you take a risk. Is something is valuable to you in what ever way. It should not be lent out

MusicAndPassionWereAlwaysTheFashion · 26/11/2023 12:19

This happened to me once. Someone asked me to "lend" them something for a holiday (think easy pram), and then I asked for it back as I was going on holiday. They had sold it. They very reluctantly offered me the money, and I accepted it. Apparently they didn't realise I wanted it back!

Honestly, buy your own bloody stuff if you need something. There are loads second hand, and stop being CF'ers.

Birdcar · 26/11/2023 12:24

It's can't be that sentimental to you if you were going to sell it.

They really should have bought it off you in the first place.

Readingineading · 26/11/2023 12:26

I lent my basically brand new travel cot ( had been used for a 3 day weekend away) to my cousin to use on a 2 week holiday. She then asked to keep hold of it for another couple of weeks. This went on for nearly 6 months until I called to her house, with my aunt ( her mum) as I needed it for a holiday. Thats when we found out that she had sold it .
I never lend anything out that I expect back.
As for the cousin, she was pressured by her partner, who was an arse .

thebestinterest · 26/11/2023 12:26

Generally with baby items (and any other thing you absolutely would be crushed about not seeing again) you never ever loan to someone else. This includes family.

You can’t expect people to remember minor things like, “oh, Lucy said she wanted this back” in the grand scheme of things.

I would remember having had that convo, but only because I’m massively concerned about people feeling like I’ve done something wrong to them.

jemenfous37 · 26/11/2023 12:27

@GotMooMilk Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
Unless you told these folk you wanted the prram back, how were they to know? Or are they psychic and sold it just to thwart your plan to sell a 3rd hand pram?
Have you kept every birthday/christmas present you were ever given, or have you returned them to original giver when you no longer needed them?

Viviennemary · 26/11/2023 12:31

If you made clear it was a loan. They need to reimburse you for the cost. If they don't have nothing more to do with them.

Reugny · 26/11/2023 12:32

ZenNudist · 26/11/2023 11:37

For what it's worth and the hassle to sell I think they did you a favour. The £50 you'd get for it after faffing trying to sell. We gave our bugaboo away to friends. I think we could have sold it for £100-200. I just asked they hand it on to another family who needed it. It was a fairly robust pram.

I know some people buy and sell prams but it's a big hassle.

We happily gave dumped a pram on a friend after our DD used it.

We then had a push chair with matching changing bag we couldn't get rid off. My DP found a charity who gives them to people who took it off him. He told me afterwards as I was just get rid off it. They were shocked we hadn't sold it due to the good condition but was an actual hassle trying to sell it unlike other items.

ColleenDonaghy · 26/11/2023 12:32

Andthereyougo · 26/11/2023 12:16

I’d send them a message. I’m sad to hear you sold our pram which we loaned to you for baby1. We clearly said we would have it back to sell on. I, sure you’ll be happy to send us the £100/£150/£200 (delete as applicable) for the pram.

They sound like thoughtless entitled people.

That would be a really good way to turn a close friendship into a distant acquaintanceship. It's far more likely that the friends misunderstood than that they set out to do their friends out of a hundred quid.

SunsetApple · 26/11/2023 12:33

If you really wanted the pram back you could have asked for it as soon as they’d stopped using it for their child.

Soontobe60 · 26/11/2023 12:37

ColleenDonaghy · 26/11/2023 10:52

Ours has lots of sentimental value to us.

Show quote history

Why?

DrMarshaFieldstone · 26/11/2023 12:41

YANBU. We gave our pram to family friends who were going through a rough patch with a redundancy and a baby on the way. We checked that they really wanted it as we know there’s nothing worse than people pressing their unwanted bulky baby items on you and they confirmed that they definitely did. It was a decent brand, well-cared for, and worth about £400 on the second-hand market.

We later found out that they shoved it in the in-laws’ garage where it became so mouldy that it had to be skipped. I was furious, not so much about the money but about the waste. I lost a lot of respect for them after that. All they had to do was say they didn’t want it after all and give it back.

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