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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad our friends gave away our pram?

225 replies

GotMooMilk · 26/11/2023 10:01

We have 2 kids age 7 and nearly 4. When DC2 was around 2.5 our friends were having a baby and asked if they could borrow our pram. I was about to sell it on (it was a nice pram and would have got £3/400 second hand) but we said they could have it for their DC and we could sell it when they were done.

Roll on 2.5 years later they’re having DC2 and have got a new pram. We asked about our one and turns out they gave it away a year ago. For reference they are v wealthy so wouldn’t have needed the money but I’m upset that they wouldn’t offer it back to us first. It’s sentimental value but also we could have sold it! And now they’re having another they’re buying a new pram it just seems a waste.

I think my emotions are just high and I get when you give something away you have no rights to it but my understanding was we were lending rather than giving. What do you think?

OP posts:
InSpainTheRain · 26/11/2023 10:30

Probably your friends forgot you lent it to them, or may be they weren't clear about it in the first place and thought you gave it to them. If you wanted it back you should have asked much sooner- but better still don't lend anything out that you are not prepared to lose.

GreatGateauxsby · 26/11/2023 10:31

I’ve said Yabu because…

  • when they asked you should have said “ We are planning on selling it. If you want it I was going to sell it for £400, you can have it for £300 and you can sell it when you are done”
  • if you were planning more kids I would have said “not sure we are done and we might need it so think we will keep it” and wouldn’t l have given it away
  • if it was so sentimental why were you planning on selling it… you should have got a custom glass case made and displayed it in the living room

that said they are dicks and YANBU to be annoyed if you were planning on having more kids. I can’t imagine they got more than £50 for it. You’d maybe get £100 for something like an egg if it was in immaculate condition?

but if you are really bothered say you want it returned or the money they sold it for.

BuddyBuddyBumBum · 26/11/2023 10:31

“Don’t lend what you can’t afford to lose” and “never a borrower or a lender be” are wise words and don’t just apply to money.

Myfabby · 26/11/2023 10:32

GotMooMilk · 26/11/2023 10:26

I appreciate it wouldn’t be worth a lot now but it’s more the principle!

What principle? Life is way too short to be pretzelling about a pram that's at least 3 years old. If they told you it broke so they had to replace it, would that make you feel better?

Let it go.

softfig · 26/11/2023 10:32

This isn't something I could get worked up about to be honest. It's an old pram. Most likely not worth much and now a new baby is using it.

Myfabby · 26/11/2023 10:33

and also what sentimental value is attached to a pram? You say in the same breath you could sell it, so which is it?

StillWantingADog · 26/11/2023 10:33

@theduchessofspork
call me petty but I’d want them to know that I was upset about this, but a good apology would probably put things right.

thsf all said if they never physically bought a pram, they won’t understand the emotional attachment

also I got about £400 for selling on two (pretty well used) prams!

PortalooSunset · 26/11/2023 10:41

If it went to someone in genuine need then I don't think I'd be cross. Might be miffed they didn't mention it first but what's done is done.

If it was the latest in a line of thoughtless behaviour though I'd maybe consider stepping back from the friendship.

Defaultsettings · 26/11/2023 10:44

YABU for saying that a pram has sentimental value.

Ilikegreenshoes · 26/11/2023 10:50

I understand what you mean by sentimental value OP. It's just that is symbolises a time that has now passed, you remember all the hope and joy you had when you first bought it, and you were expecting to have it back again before letting it go for good. Some people don't feel like that about stuff, but I totally get it.

That said, if they're otherwise great friends, I'd try to forgive and forget on this one. It's very possible that they misunderstood or forgot.

pinkyredrose · 26/11/2023 10:50

Defaultsettings · 26/11/2023 10:44

YABU for saying that a pram has sentimental value.

YABU for that comment. Anything can have sentimental value, it doesn't matter that it's a pram.

Op you need to remind them that it was leant not given and ask them to reimburse you for what you would have got for it. Either that or could they get it back from the person they gave it to and explain they made a mistake?

QueenOfMOHO · 26/11/2023 10:51

The way I look dy things now (after being screwed over a few times) is, Would you give her a £3/400 cash gift at the time of her having a baby?
Probably not, therefore why would you give her an item worth that?
Bitter experience here! I once lent a family who had newly arrived to the UK, a large le creuset cooking pot, that we only used occasionally, when I said I needed it back, (for a big bonfire chilli) they refused to return it (they'd sold it).

ColleenDonaghy · 26/11/2023 10:52

Defaultsettings · 26/11/2023 10:44

YABU for saying that a pram has sentimental value.

Ours has lots of sentimental value to us.

luckbealadytonight · 26/11/2023 10:53

Bloody rude. You've done them a favour and they've not given you a second thought.

It's not the end of the world obviously, just baffling behaviour.

Changedmymind99 · 26/11/2023 10:55

That is so rude. Prams are also sentimental.

In general, I’ve always found anything I’ve ever lent to someone has never come back on the same condition. Which drives me around the bend. So, I’m that person who will never lends anything to anyone. I mind everything I have, and people just don’t care about my things as much as I do.

3luckystars · 26/11/2023 10:56

Same, I am very sentimental about my pram, I can’t bring myself to pass it on. I think I would cry, and it is wrecked and not worth anything. (And I’m not a hoarder)

Humbugg · 26/11/2023 10:57

YABU you shouldn’t lend things of sentimental value

Changedmymind99 · 26/11/2023 10:57

I used to park my DC’s pram in the pram store at nursery way back. The absolute filth of some children’s prams is actually vile. How can they literally let mould grow on the crumbs their children are sitting on. The dirt is so superficial. So, just never ever give anything like that away.

RiderofRohan · 26/11/2023 10:59

Pram would likely be worthless at this point. No point ruining a friendship over it.

boamorte · 26/11/2023 11:00

They are very wealthy but had to be given a second hand pram for free

Okay

RudsyFarmer · 26/11/2023 11:01

Noooo your emotions are not just running high, they are outrageously rude giving away property that wasn’t theirs to give. If they are wealthy why on earth didn’t they buy their own pram to begin with?!!

DoppelgängerTimes · 26/11/2023 11:01

Are you have having financial troubles? We’re they aware of that?

People forgot lots of things, it may be that they forgot you intended to sell it, didn’t think you were having anymore children, and gave it to a family really in need, whereas they may think you’re comfortable if willing to drop hundreds on a pram, if it was still worth that after two years of continuous use.

They should have asked your permission.

Surprising they asked for your obviously very high end pram, if they could afford to buy their own.

Theduchy · 26/11/2023 11:01

I think you're being unrealistic that after another 2 years of use you could sell it for that amount. They should have offered you it back first but when you give someone baby things you have to be realistic that it's going to be used/broken/worn out.

ColleenDonaghy · 26/11/2023 11:01

The more I think about this the more I reckon I'd be delighted they'd found a good home for it and saved me the hassle. I really just think it's a mismatch of expectations rather than piss taking.

JustAMinutePleass · 26/11/2023 11:03

People don’t look after things they don’t pay for: especially wealthy people. It was probably in an unsellable state. In your position I’d take a big step back trom them.

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