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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad our friends gave away our pram?

225 replies

GotMooMilk · 26/11/2023 10:01

We have 2 kids age 7 and nearly 4. When DC2 was around 2.5 our friends were having a baby and asked if they could borrow our pram. I was about to sell it on (it was a nice pram and would have got £3/400 second hand) but we said they could have it for their DC and we could sell it when they were done.

Roll on 2.5 years later they’re having DC2 and have got a new pram. We asked about our one and turns out they gave it away a year ago. For reference they are v wealthy so wouldn’t have needed the money but I’m upset that they wouldn’t offer it back to us first. It’s sentimental value but also we could have sold it! And now they’re having another they’re buying a new pram it just seems a waste.

I think my emotions are just high and I get when you give something away you have no rights to it but my understanding was we were lending rather than giving. What do you think?

OP posts:
Notmetoo · 26/11/2023 11:04

Were they clear that you wanted it back? Perhaps they thought you had given it to them?
It's disappointing but maybe they made a genuine mistake?
After being used for three children I am not sure how much you would get for an 8 year old pram but I understand that it's not just about the money

RudsyFarmer · 26/11/2023 11:04

People forgot lots of things, it may be that they forgot you intended to sell it, didn’t think you were having anymore children, and gave it to a family really in need, whereas they may think you’re comfortable if willing to drop hundreds on a pram, if it was still worth that after two years of continuous use.

What?!!!! That’s an awful lot of supposition to justify outrageous behaviour. They are just fucking rude. These people exist and believe them when they show you who they are.

DriftingDora · 26/11/2023 11:04

If they're so wealthy, why did they need a second-hand pram? Passing on something in this way is a recipe for disaster, OP. It's too vague and 'iffy'. If you wanted the money, why didn't you sell it while the pram still had some second-hand value? If nothing's been said to them in between, they've either forgotten what you said (and you'd have a job proving they knew), or they've sold it on (but 'gave it away' sounds better!!). I'd guess they sold it. Being so 'wealthy' doesn't preclude them from being tight-fisted users.

Princessvelour · 26/11/2023 11:04

Prams don't quite have the resale value they had a few years ago but my SIL did similar with me. I lent her a few baby items (texts making it clear it was a loan). I asked for them back when I had DC2 but she had sold them all. She reluctantly bought replacements but they weren't as nice, one item I was particularly pissed off about as it was the only brand new thing I had bought for DC.

RudsyFarmer · 26/11/2023 11:05

Princessvelour · 26/11/2023 11:04

Prams don't quite have the resale value they had a few years ago but my SIL did similar with me. I lent her a few baby items (texts making it clear it was a loan). I asked for them back when I had DC2 but she had sold them all. She reluctantly bought replacements but they weren't as nice, one item I was particularly pissed off about as it was the only brand new thing I had bought for DC.

And how’s your relationship now?

Mylovelygreendress · 26/11/2023 11:07

Same thing happened to one of my DDs . She was crystal clear to her friend that she was lending the pram and wanted it back.
So called friend sold it !!

TheKeatingFive · 26/11/2023 11:08

If you hand something over to someone else - unless you are super explicit about the terms - they are likely to treat it as their own to do what they want with.

You are NBU to be upset, but it's best to just move on. It was a misunderstanding and tbh, it wont have been worth much anyway.

MrsCocoaJones1 · 26/11/2023 11:08

two and a half years later you’re still banking on selling the pram?

I can’t even remember what happened to our pram.

not worth the angst.

Bigroundpear · 26/11/2023 11:08

Simmer down, once it’s gone, it’s gone. People on here whipping up hysterical responses.

Scaraben · 26/11/2023 11:09

YANBU

Something similar happened to me. My first DC was very tiny and my friend meanwhile had a chunky baby. I loaned her lots of the newborn size things we had, as mine didn't fit them yet and hers was probably only going to fit the stuff for a week or so. On the proviso that we'd get the newborn back once mine grew into it. Nope, she gave it all away. I was furious!

I think people are underestimating how much you can get for a decent second hand pram. I recently spent £50 getting our 2017 model uppababy pram serviced and cleaned. Then sold it for £350.

honeylulu · 26/11/2023 11:09

Yes very rude of them. But a lot of people never bother to resell things and just chuck them or give them away (not just wealthy people either). Even though you'd told them that was your plan they likely forgot very quickly and just did what they usually do.

This has happened to me multiple times, finding stuff I'd lent had been lost or chucked or passed on. No apology just a shrug or blank face as they didn't even remember. I started to think I hadn't made myself clear and would very clearly say LEND and "I'd like it back" but it still happened. I no longer lend anything. If I'm not bothered about something I'll give it freely and then it's out of my head space. Otherwise just no.

The best thing you can do is never lend anything to them again. If you want to resell something offer to sell it to them.

Nanny0gg · 26/11/2023 11:10

GotMooMilk · 26/11/2023 10:26

I appreciate it wouldn’t be worth a lot now but it’s more the principle!

Did you make it very clear it was just a loan?

ACynicalDad · 26/11/2023 11:11

It's rude but I wouldn't loose a friendship over it, move on.

SunRainStorm · 26/11/2023 11:11

I have "lent" so many baby items and never seen them again.

It annoys the hell out of me too, OP.

They should absolutely have returned it to you.

RudsyFarmer · 26/11/2023 11:17

ACynicalDad · 26/11/2023 11:11

It's rude but I wouldn't loose a friendship over it, move on.

You wouldn’t lose a friendship over blatant disrespect? I find that so interesting. I would assume these people were not friends at all. Perhaps it would depend how they reacted once i showed my displeasure at their actions.

ScattieHattie1 · 26/11/2023 11:21

If you were specific that you wanted to sell it when they were done then they are rude. If you weren't and you just expected an offer back YABU.

WeightoftheWorld · 26/11/2023 11:28

Tbh I don't really think you can lend any baby items and really expect them back. Even if they hadn't have got rid it could have broken or anything meaning they couldn't return it. For all you know they might have thought you'd rather be told theyd gifted it on for someone to use than admit it was ruined for example if they sense you were attached to it. I dunno.

Hibiscrubbed · 26/11/2023 11:31

“Oh right… you just gave it away? I thought I’d said we wanted it back when you were done with it?”

ZenNudist · 26/11/2023 11:37

For what it's worth and the hassle to sell I think they did you a favour. The £50 you'd get for it after faffing trying to sell. We gave our bugaboo away to friends. I think we could have sold it for £100-200. I just asked they hand it on to another family who needed it. It was a fairly robust pram.

I know some people buy and sell prams but it's a big hassle.

Calmdown14 · 26/11/2023 11:38

I don't really think you can give someone an item like a pram or buggy to use (unless just for a week for a holiday) and expect it back.

This isn't like a jumperoo or a baby carrier where the use is minimal and you can't tell if it's been used by one child or five.

I looked after my pram but after two kids the wheels were shredded and it would have cost more to replace them than it was worth. It had covered a lot of miles!

It's a workhorse item that may or may not make it in a fit state given that it has around two and a half years continuous use.

I think anyone being given a pram would take it in the expectation that person is done with it as otherwise you'd be daft to lend it.

Lightatwinter · 26/11/2023 11:38

TeenLifeMum · 26/11/2023 10:16

£300 for a pram used 3 times over 7 years? That’s unlikely. You handed it to them and they’ve done the same.

This, sorry. You are looking at £50 to £100 quid tops.

I think long term loans like this are always high risk. People are liable to forget it’s a loan, especially when they are gifted loads of stuff with a first born.

I’d put it down to experience and move on.

SunRainStorm · 26/11/2023 11:44

WeightoftheWorld · 26/11/2023 11:28

Tbh I don't really think you can lend any baby items and really expect them back. Even if they hadn't have got rid it could have broken or anything meaning they couldn't return it. For all you know they might have thought you'd rather be told theyd gifted it on for someone to use than admit it was ruined for example if they sense you were attached to it. I dunno.

If someone loaned me something and it broke, I would replace it.

Why is a baby item different to any other? If you don't plan to return it then you shouldn't borrow it.

NotMyDayJob · 26/11/2023 11:47

Did you make it clear you definitely wanted it back? I know someone who gave me lots of stuff when DD1 was born, I didn't ask for it, it would literally turn up in the post. In the meantime I moved, 200+ miles, and she started asking for it back. I double checked messages from the time and shed definitely not said anything about giving it back and due to the move I'd donated it on. I never take offers for stuff now, I can't bear the responsibility if they might want it back

hotpotlover · 26/11/2023 11:47

You can high quality second hand prams for peanuts now anyway.

Trust me, I know.... I have a 3 year old, 21 month old and my 3rd is due in December.

I think the "market" changed since your children were little.

I doubt you would get much money for your 7 year old pram

It's probably also quite worn now after being used by so many children.

In general it's not good to lend baby items and expect them back, if they are important to you.

My sister gave me some baby items for my son. When I gave them back as agreed, she complained that some of the shirts looked really "washed" and lost their colour a bit. Well duh!

NotMyDayJob · 26/11/2023 11:47

NotMyDayJob · 26/11/2023 11:47

Did you make it clear you definitely wanted it back? I know someone who gave me lots of stuff when DD1 was born, I didn't ask for it, it would literally turn up in the post. In the meantime I moved, 200+ miles, and she started asking for it back. I double checked messages from the time and shed definitely not said anything about giving it back and due to the move I'd donated it on. I never take offers for stuff now, I can't bear the responsibility if they might want it back

Just to add it was five years later she was asking for it back!