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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad our friends gave away our pram?

225 replies

GotMooMilk · 26/11/2023 10:01

We have 2 kids age 7 and nearly 4. When DC2 was around 2.5 our friends were having a baby and asked if they could borrow our pram. I was about to sell it on (it was a nice pram and would have got £3/400 second hand) but we said they could have it for their DC and we could sell it when they were done.

Roll on 2.5 years later they’re having DC2 and have got a new pram. We asked about our one and turns out they gave it away a year ago. For reference they are v wealthy so wouldn’t have needed the money but I’m upset that they wouldn’t offer it back to us first. It’s sentimental value but also we could have sold it! And now they’re having another they’re buying a new pram it just seems a waste.

I think my emotions are just high and I get when you give something away you have no rights to it but my understanding was we were lending rather than giving. What do you think?

OP posts:
Ktime · 27/11/2023 17:56

Ask them to replace it! Bastards.

SouthLondonMum22 · 27/11/2023 17:57

Poppingmad123 · 27/11/2023 17:55

I would be upset also if I made it clear that it was being lent. It’s not up to me to remind them again what was agreed so why some people think if they forgot that’s ok! I would definitely remind them you were lending it to them as you had intended to sell it until they asked for it. And that you expected them to return it after they were done with it. They may laugh about it but at least you make it clear what was agreed. And it’s not really about how much it would resell for. It has sentimental value. I think some people really have no clue about value until they buy it themselves. In the end though, it was a pram, you have nice memories of it and I’m sure pictures too so let it go :( but definitely don’t lend these feckless arses anything else :)

OP was looking to sell it though before friends asked to lend it. It surely can’t have been that sentimental.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 27/11/2023 17:59

I’d say ‘I didn’t say anything at the time as I was totally taken by surprise but I’m unhappy that you sold my pram and kept the money - it wasn’t yours to sell and I did tell you that. It would be right for you to give me the money made from selling it as it belonged to me.’

You can’t sell things that aren’t yours. You either speak up before it’s too late or remain resentful forever. Bugger upsetting them - they should be the ones thinking what on earth will MooMilk think when she finds out we effectively nicked her pram by selling it without permission and pocketing the cash!!! CFs.

Ilovecleaning · 27/11/2023 18:06

I’d be angry, too but you’ll just have to chalk it up to experience. In future, make your intentions or expectations very clear.

mummyhat · 27/11/2023 18:16

My wealthy sister did this with several things of ours. I had said the same to her as my sister-in-law said to me: not to sell anything on for money but to donate to charity unless it (in my case) was the thing I expressly wanted back, (so I could re-sell it, having bought it - rucksack baby carrier.)

It’s a really tight-arsed thing to do; you’re not being at all unreasonable. Would never have done that with my SILs stuff, but if I had, I’d have split the profit.

Poppingmad123 · 27/11/2023 19:10

I know what you’re saying but you can still be sentimental about things even if you do have to get rid of them due to lack of space or simply outgrowing it. Especially when it comes to your children’s things. I think whatever happens to ops things should be on her terms though, especially if op made it clear it was being borrowed.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 27/11/2023 20:07

aSofaNearYou · 27/11/2023 08:04

They didn't "nick" OP's pram. OP says she lent it to them, they gave it away

Do you routinely give away items you have asked to borrow? Because "borrow" means to use something with the intention of returning it, so if you're giving those things away, you are nicking them.

I don't tend to borrow things.

In the context of baby stuff I remember being given tons of second hand stuff, some of which was already at least second hand for the donor who gave it to me. I also gave away tons of stuff.

I haven't the slightest idea where the pram and pushchair and other big ticket items went, beyond knowing I definitely didn't sell them because it would have been far too much of a faff to organise.

I don't know, it seems such a trivial thing to make such a fuss about. The resale value of a 7 year old pram after 3 users will be buttons. As for the "sentimental value" the OP was ready to sell it 2 and half years ago.

Perhaps it's because baby stuff in my family and friends group was always stuff you pass on once you don't need it. - happy to be shot of it taking up space.

notafruit · 27/11/2023 22:05

I lent a friend my rocking crib. It was nothing special, but all of my babies used it, so it was quite sentimental.
Some time later I saw it dumped in her back yard. She'd left it in her shed and there was a leak and all the wood on it had swollen and split. She didn't even remember she'd borrowed it, and made a comment about "oh that old thing, it wasn't much good anyway..."
It's not like I'll need it again, but I'm still a bit sad and quite annoyed about it.

T1Dmama · 27/11/2023 22:38

I have learnt never to ‘lend’ anything that you value to anyone.
Too many times have I meant something
and never had it returned. Never again. Now when asked I just either state I’m planning to sell it if they wamt
to buy it off me… or say sorry I don’t wish to lend it out.

MamaOfPlenty · 28/11/2023 01:35

Did you make it clear it was a loan and not a gift? If you did, I would have to say something! I’d message them reminding them that it was a loaning of the pram and that it was not theirs to sell. And given the sentimental aspects of it, you are upset. They should give you whatever they sold it for, as it was not theirs to sell, if it was made it clear to be a loaned item.

CleaningAngel · 28/11/2023 07:28

Not the point how much its worth and and second hand value...it wasn't there's to give away! OP may have wanted to donate it to a needy family or a shelter. Certainly not theirs to decide what to do with!

Weareallmadhere2 · 28/11/2023 08:03

I don't care if you got zero from it. Even if I gave something to someone or they gave something to me, which does not seem the case here, they or I would not pass it on as it would not be ours to do so with. I would be more than sad! I'd have been fuming. They had zero right to do that, given or not, without speaking to you. And I would re-evalue that friendship tbh...

EnjoyingTheSilence · 28/11/2023 08:19

Yabvu to be sad. I’d be ducking furious

they knew it was a loan but gave it away. It wasn’t theirs to give away. Do not lend them anything again

Benibidibici · 28/11/2023 08:27

My experience is people never really expect to return stuff you lend them.

They lose track of who lent them what and what was a gift vs a loan and they barely ever return.

People also don't look after stuff and often any resale value it may have had when you passed it to them will have been eroded.

PinkLemons99 · 28/11/2023 09:35

I think you’re being overly sentimental and it’s clouding your judgement.

Lending an expensive item for a one off occasion is fair enough but you’d expect a pram to be used for at least a couple of years and so there’s likely to be some wear and tear on the item after all that time. Its re-sale value would be negligible surely?

I can understand sharing an old heirloom piece that you keep within the family for generations such as a handmade cot etc., but why did you lend her your pram in the first place if as you say, they can easily afford to buy new?

Were you trying to buy her friendship?

I think you need to chalk this up to experience and stop lending your stuff out if you actually value it. I learnt this lesson when I lent a friend my spare sewing machine during lockdown and she kept it 3 years and returned it damaged. I had to get it repaired and in the meantime she bought herself a new one and she still can’t sew. 😂

Strugglingthroughitall · 28/11/2023 09:46

I know the feeling! YANBU

I once lent my sister a number of really expensive suits and work outfits when she was going back into work - loved all of them but at the time I was WFH so didn’t need them. All mainly Zara, all gorgeous, well fitted, classic and colour coordinated

Fast forward 18 months and had to go back into the workplace - and she had charity shopped (allegedly) all of my work clothes. ALL OF THEM!!!! Her excuse was they were blocking her wardrobe from things she had bought too - why not just give them back??!

Cactusmad · 28/11/2023 10:43

Why couldn’t friend just txt and say I’m done with pram do y want it back or shall I deal with it . I lent a silver cross coach built pram off a family member, it was given back as that a the correct thing to do. I was grateful and it wasn’t mine.

Lifetooshort23 · 28/11/2023 11:42

Yeah, they’re bang out of order. Seems to be a lot of ignorant aholes like this, I probably know them because everyone I know seems to be like this!
However, you’d never have got £300-£400 for it second hand. We had a beautiful condition, barely used Silver Cross and eventually got £150ish for it (it was £1200 new, limited edition, with everything - car seat, pram seat, lay flat crib for pram, matching nappy bag, rain cover etc! I was expecting £300-£400!) and only because someone my husband knew bought it. People buying second hand want everything for nothing. It’s incredibly frustrating!

Pogue4Life · 28/11/2023 11:45

@Catifly @TeenLifeMum I think you’re both missing the point here. It wasn’t their pram to sell, doesn’t matter what the OP was hoping to get for it.

Sparthan · 28/11/2023 11:47

FWIW you wouldn’t have been able to sell it second hand for £400. People don’t want second hand prams. They either have one already or it’s the big ticket item they splash out on and are excited to buy. We paid nearly £1k for ours and nobody will buy it, not even for fifty quid, despite it being in near perfect condition.

Sophie89j · 28/11/2023 12:26

I’m about to give away our pram to a local baby bank, the thought never crossed my mind to ask my friends who I bought the pram from them for £50. After seeing loads of MN posts about this I think I’d better offer it back to them first? If they want it, do I ask for the £50 back?

TeenLifeMum · 28/11/2023 12:54

@Pogue4Life but after having a baby people’s brain gets muddled so I’d assume it was an honest mistake. I don’t really understand loaning baby equipment that’ll be used for over a year. There’s a high chance it’ll break or be damaged in some way. It’s just unrealistic.

hydriotaphia · 28/11/2023 12:56

It was clearly a misunderstanding on their part. They must have wrongly assumed you didn't want it back.

Twentypastfour · 28/11/2023 12:57

Catifly · 26/11/2023 10:06

I appreciate they were in the wrong but think you're overestimating what you'd have got. You presumably bought it around 7.5 years ago and it's an old style that's now had wear and tear from 3 kids. Even very expensive prams after one child's use drop massively in value.

I agree. When I bought our bugaboo it was on the basis that they tend to “hold their value”. They don’t.

Elaina87 · 28/11/2023 12:59

Has it been a misundertanding or they've forgotten it wasnt a gift? Even so decent thing would definitely have been to ask you first. YANBU.