Excluded At My Own Birthday 'Celebration'

[WickedWitchOfTheEast87]

So before I start this happened early this year, I was off sick from work for 5 weeks and my birthday was during the time I was off but as I was sick I was stuck at home.

During the day messages were coming through on the work group chat with photos of a birthday cake and a message that it was for my birthday. No one wished me happy birthday but messages followed how lovely the cake was and thanking the colleague who got the cake which I didn't get to try! AIBU to think that was really cheeky and I was upset at the time I was basically excluded from my own birthday! I'm now just pissed off at the fact they basically made my birthday an excuse for cake and then had the nerve to send photos in the group chat of it knowing I would see it, when I did return to work no card or present despite me always paying towards other people's birthday's. What do you guys think of this? Thoughtless and nasty or they just didn't think? I'm no longer working there now I left a few weeks ago but was talking to ex colleague earlier about it and she's had similar happen to her too and she said it was horrible of them to do that.

So as not to drip feed the ex colleague who got the cake and put the photo and msssage in is a two faced cow and she'd done things like this before but she really surpassed herself this time in my opinion.

Surely they'd already arranged a cake without knowing you would be off sick and the messages were their way of saying happy birthday, look what you missed?

With kindness, let it go. You'll feel much better for it.

It sounds pretty insensitive, and it sounds like you're better off out of it all.

Re-read your post
You were off sick for 5 weeks
What did you want them to do? Wait until you were back at work and celecrate then? They didn't know when you were getting back, they threw you a remote celebration.
They are only work colkeagues, not your best friends or imnediate family.
You need to grow up a bit if you are going to survive in this world

@FrangipaniBlue I'd been off sick for 2 weeks at this point and they knew I wouldn't be in on my birthday.

@AlwaysFreezing I know I should let it go but its the cheek of it all playing on my mind and knowing ex colleague who organised it has previous form of excluding people she dislikes from things like she did at the xmas party she tried to leave a colleague out but was told that colleague must be invited and spent the xmas do with a sour expression at my other colleague

My 50th was in lockdown. I have worked there 20 years. No one said a word. I assumed they all had other stuff on their minds and moved on.

I agree with you it's a weird and rubbish thing for them to do. But sounds like you are best off out of there and trying to put it behind you.

It sounds so weird op!! Maybe send a ah that sounds lovely sorry I missed it message to let them know and remind them, are you sure it was for you? Like did they say your birthday?

Many workplaces don't even celebrate people's birthdays at all. It is a bit crap of them but not a big enough deal to keep worrying about. Move on.

Sorry op didn’t realise you weren’t still there, yes weird and good you’re out!!

@stayathomer Yes colleague took a photo of the cake and said "cake for WickedWitch's birthday'" there was even a few balloons up and this was followed by photo's of my colleagues smiling and enjoying the cake which was my favourite ironically

Yes all of this

OP, I think you need to let this go.

In the grand scheme of things in life, is this worth holding onto and getting upset about?

Omg why do you care

Certainly it's a slightly weird thing to do. Be very pleased not to be working there any more. Please don't give it headspace.

it was months ago. You don’t work there anymore. Move on.

Not sure why the cake being your favourite is ironic?

They got your favourite cake hoping you’d be well and back in work. Unfortunately you weren’t so rather than waste it they ate it and sent a photo to you to show you they were thinking of you.

Sounds a nice team really.

If you're a long term staff member, it would kind of make sense they were still celebrating your birthday even if you've been off sick! If you'd only been off for 2 weeks at that point, there's a high chance they'd already ordered / paid for the cake (I know in my work it's all done super early) and didn't want to waste it. Better to eat it than waste it!

""So before I start this happened early this year""

Seriously? LET IT GO

@isthismylifenow I hadn't thought about it for months but was speaking to my friend who still works there and she told me the same colleague who organised it is trying to exclude someone again from their xmas party this year and brought it up to what they did at my birthday, now I think about it I can't believe the cheek of it and I'm a bit pissed off thats all. I'm now in better job thank god just wondered what others thought about this.

Ah, come on everyone, surely this is absolutely bonkers?! Who goes to that effort and then doesn't even bother to make it about the OP? Unless you live miles and miles away, the thing to do would have been to drop a piece of cake round and then all have it 'together' on Zoom (we did this for birthdays during covid in my family). It does seem attention-seekey on the part of the organiser and utterly pointless at best.

Wonder if they ordered it before you were off sick and decided to 1. not waste the cake and 2. show you that they hadn't forgotten you and did the best they could to show you they remembered? I'd let it go.

This was such a weird thing for them to do that I think the only normal response would be "...wtaf?!"

I mean it is so strange that I couldn't be offended, just mystified.

They were trying to wish you a happy birthday via the group chat, and let you know they were thinking of you even though you couldn't be there. They must think you're very weird if they can see that you read those posts and didn't acknowledge them.

Without having full context I would have taken it as they were trying to cheer you up?! When they were posting the pics did you reply in the chat saying something along the lines of 'ahh can't believe I'm missing it thanks for thinking of me' ? If not they might have thought it was pretty weird that they'd made the effort to mark the occasion and you ignored it.

They knew I wouldn't be back in work by my birthday, the colleague who organised the cake and put photo's of it in the group chat is a senior and acting manager I had spoke to her when I was signed off and told her how long for and as I have stated she has form for trying and has actually excluded people.