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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded At My Own Birthday 'Celebration'

173 replies

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 06:52

So before I start this happened early this year, I was off sick from work for 5 weeks and my birthday was during the time I was off but as I was sick I was stuck at home.

During the day messages were coming through on the work group chat with photos of a birthday cake and a message that it was for my birthday. No one wished me happy birthday but messages followed how lovely the cake was and thanking the colleague who got the cake which I didn't get to try! AIBU to think that was really cheeky and I was upset at the time I was basically excluded from my own birthday! I'm now just pissed off at the fact they basically made my birthday an excuse for cake and then had the nerve to send photos in the group chat of it knowing I would see it, when I did return to work no card or present despite me always paying towards other people's birthday's. What do you guys think of this? Thoughtless and nasty or they just didn't think? I'm no longer working there now I left a few weeks ago but was talking to ex colleague earlier about it and she's had similar happen to her too and she said it was horrible of them to do that.

So as not to drip feed the ex colleague who got the cake and put the photo and msssage in is a two faced cow and she'd done things like this before but she really surpassed herself this time in my opinion.

OP posts:
SybilBranson · 26/11/2023 08:11

They should’ve done their usual collection and sent flowers to your house.

DMC6274 · 26/11/2023 08:12

I would imagine they had ordered the cake weeks in advance, before they knew you'd be off sick, and didn't want to waste it.

May seem a bit odd that they didn't make more of an effort to message you happy birthday etc, but I know where I work we are not meant to contact people who are on sick leave. Were you actively messaging in the chat when you were off?

Original poster
WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 08:12

Holly60 · 26/11/2023 07:54

I would just try to accept that it wasn't about your birthday at all.

You weren't left out of your birthday celebration because that isn't what it was. It was just an excuse for your colleagues to have cake. It's weird that they messaged you but that's just them being a bit weird and socially inept.

I'd probably find an opportunity to make a joke out of the ring leader about it, but I'm just petty like that.

Show quote history

@Holly60 Yeah exactly and I said that in my op it was just an excuse for cake when I saw the photo's and messages but not one direct message to me not even a happy birthday message which had that happened I wouldn't have given it a second's thought but to go that effort and then not acknowledge me wtf I'd rather no one bothered but when it was other colleagues birthday's they all got lovely gifts, cards, cake and sometimes flowers and if someone wasn't in they'd give a card and gift when they returned. That's why I thought it was deliberate to exclude me but as other posters seem to think I'm unreasonable and they did a nice thing, so I'll follow your advice and make a joke out of it thank you 😊

OP posts:
Namechange4234 · 26/11/2023 08:15

That's why I thought it was deliberate to exclude me but as other posters seem to think I'm unreasonable and they did a nice thing, so I'll follow your advice and make a joke out of it thank you 😊

It happened MONTHS ago! Why are you even giving it headspace?

Don't think about it!🤪

Tandora · 26/11/2023 08:18

Lolllll I actually think that’s quite hilarious. No idea why you are mortally offended OP. I’d take it as 1) they are thinking of you on your birthday , 2) they fancied some cake and an excuse to celebrate. Who even cares??? As a PP said they are work colleagues not your best friend or your mum, let it go. Massive overreaction and n your part to a bit of silliness and fun.

diddl · 26/11/2023 08:19

Do you live a long way from work?

If not, what a shame no one thought to save the cake & bring it to you!

saraclara · 26/11/2023 08:24

If my colleagues sent a photo of them celebrating my birthday with cake while I was off sick, I'd respond with;

" 😂😂 where's my slice 🎂 🍰?'!"

So would everyone I know. For goodness sake, that was a WhatsApp that was a cue for you to join in.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/11/2023 08:26

They brought a cake for you

You weren't there

They were thinking of you

Did you actually reply that day on the chat saying anything

Something like awww thanks so much for thinking of me

Or say nothing and ignore

But as other replies said this happened months ago why still going on about it esp if moved jobs

When is your next birthday - be interesting if new job gets you a cake

Babyghirl · 26/11/2023 08:34

@WickedWitchOfTheEast87
Tbh I would be over the moon my colleagues thought so much of me to even think of me even though I was off sick.

Anewuser · 26/11/2023 08:36

I would say, you’re lucky this is all you have to worry about.

At least they remembered and sent you a remote birthday wish.

Did you send in cakes? At our place the birthday person brings the cakes in for everyone.

You were off sick before and after. Out of sight, out of mind.

You don’t even work there now.

Time to move on.

Goatymum · 26/11/2023 08:45

It’s a bit odd, but as you don’t work there anymore, who cares?
Our work only does something for milestone birthdays, most of us work hybrid so we don’t really have that big ‘office’ connection I’ve had in other places. We are all middle aged so don’t really care and we just wish each other HB on group chat.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 26/11/2023 08:46

What was it your 5th birthday or something?

Original poster
WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 08:51

TerribleWoman · 26/11/2023 07:50

Did you message on the chat on the day?

Seems weird that if you posted 'oh wow, thanks Norma, that looks lovely, wish I was there with you having a slice!' that no one would then have said 'Happy Birthday Witch!'

If you didn't post, it's less surprising as I would assume someone off sick would not be actively on work chat.

No I didn't message on the chat, when I saw and read it I thought it was weird and I felt a little hurt and as there was no direct message to me just photos of a few balloons and the cake for my birthday and then a couple of photos of everyone having cake and messages of how lovely it was.

Just to answer a few posters questions no I didn't write any messages in response I honestly didn't know what to say to it so I said nothing and acted as normal I never addressed it with anyone except my friend who still works there she did send me a direct message privately wishing me happy birthday and she bought me dinner when I was better but we were and still are friends so I wouldn't expect that of my colleagues as we weren't friends but I thought we got along ok polite, friendly etc however there are a few bad apples there unfortunately but thats life unpleasant people are everywhere.

I was also messaging in the work group chat not a lot because I was resting I went off ill unexpectedly and two colleagues were picking up some of my tasks and they both messaged me directly asking if they could contact me if they needed to check something with me which I agreed to as it was to do with the finances so sometimes it can't wait until I return and I was responding to some work emails of a similar nature mostly just confirming what work I had already completed and dealt with so I was in contact with work and I had to speak to the colleague who organised it all because she was my manager and I had to give her updates on how I was doing she knew I would be off for at least 3 weeks but it ended up being 5.

I also wouldn't expect anyone to send me a delivery as thats expensive and I live over an hour from where I worked so I wouldn't have expected any of my colleagues to travel to my house either because that's too far and to be honest I wasn't up to having visitors but I thought even a message in the group chat just a simple happy birthday would have been nice considering the effort put in for cake a few balloons.

OP posts:
Itsclearlynot · 26/11/2023 08:55

Sorry but you worked somewhere where people buy cakes and balloons for colleagues birthdays? Do you have any idea how rare that is? I've only ever worked in places where you are expected to bring in doughnuts yourself for your birthday or just nothing at all.

Maybe it was kind of them that they still celebrated your birthday in your memory?!

MyCircumference · 26/11/2023 08:55

they should at least have got you a card op

Itsclearlynot · 26/11/2023 08:58

I also think that the photo on the group chat was the acknowledgment of your birthday? I imagine they thought you were rude for not sending any message. Is there backstory to this? Did you get on with them all?

Either way, lots of different responses on this one so probably best to leave it in the past and move on.

Mumofoneandone · 26/11/2023 09:00

Lucky you are out of the way of this not very pleasant ex colleague who honestly sounds a nasty piece of work. Just believe karma will catch up with her and do your best to move on.....

Stopbloodybanging · 26/11/2023 09:00

Seriously op? It’s a cake, you’re an adult, you don’t even work there anymore and you know the colleague’s a bitch anyway.
Buy yourself a slice of your favourite cake and eat it. There, now you haven’t missed out.

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/11/2023 09:01

When I was working the Birthday person had to take the cakes in. There were never any balloons.

charmedtomeetyou · 26/11/2023 09:02

I don't think I've ever celebrated my birthday at work or told anyone it was my birthday, maybe mentioned if I had a big one in passing to a close colleague, but other than that, never expected my birthday to be acknowledged. You've left now anyway so just forget it, OP.

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 26/11/2023 09:02

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:45

But I didn't get any acknowledgement or even a happy birthday message except from my friend who still works there, so effort was made by this colleage knowing full well I wouldn't be in and she gets a cake and balloons says it for my birthday posts photos of everyone enjoying it but no one else even acknowledged me but did say how lovely the cake was. Not one direct message to me I was part of the work group chat so I saw the photos and messages.

Show quote history

I've always been instructed not to contact people on sick leave and I'd not particularly want work contacting me when on sick leave either.

daisychain01 · 26/11/2023 09:03

Yes colleague took a photo of the cake and said "cake for WickedWitch's birthday'" there was even a few balloons up and this was followed by photo's of my colleagues smiling and enjoying the cake which was my favourite ironically

a lot of companies have a formal protocol in their policy around not making direct contact with someone who is on sick leave.

They were probably skirting round the subject, not wanting to directly allude to the fact you were on sick leave, but also wanted to acknowledge your birthday in absentia

DisquietintheRanks · 26/11/2023 09:05

The fable of "The dog in the manger" comes to mind. You should read it.

Tandora · 26/11/2023 09:12

Itsclearlynot · 26/11/2023 08:58

I also think that the photo on the group chat was the acknowledgment of your birthday? I imagine they thought you were rude for not sending any message. Is there backstory to this? Did you get on with them all?

Either way, lots of different responses on this one so probably best to leave it in the past and move on.

Definitely rude and awkward for the OP not to reply 🤣🙀

saraclara · 26/11/2023 09:13

there was no direct message to me just photos of a few balloons and the cake for my birthday and then a couple of photos of everyone having cake and messages of how lovely it was.

That WAS their message to you! They sent it expecting you to respond, and had you done so they'd have responded with lots of 'Happy Birthday!' messages. But you didn't respond, so they assumed you didn't see it, and didn't continue with the birthday messages.

It's as clear as day.