Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded At My Own Birthday 'Celebration'

173 replies

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 06:52

So before I start this happened early this year, I was off sick from work for 5 weeks and my birthday was during the time I was off but as I was sick I was stuck at home.

During the day messages were coming through on the work group chat with photos of a birthday cake and a message that it was for my birthday. No one wished me happy birthday but messages followed how lovely the cake was and thanking the colleague who got the cake which I didn't get to try! AIBU to think that was really cheeky and I was upset at the time I was basically excluded from my own birthday! I'm now just pissed off at the fact they basically made my birthday an excuse for cake and then had the nerve to send photos in the group chat of it knowing I would see it, when I did return to work no card or present despite me always paying towards other people's birthday's. What do you guys think of this? Thoughtless and nasty or they just didn't think? I'm no longer working there now I left a few weeks ago but was talking to ex colleague earlier about it and she's had similar happen to her too and she said it was horrible of them to do that.

So as not to drip feed the ex colleague who got the cake and put the photo and msssage in is a two faced cow and she'd done things like this before but she really surpassed herself this time in my opinion.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 26/11/2023 07:41

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:31

@isthismylifenow I hadn't thought about it for months but was speaking to my friend who still works there and she told me the same colleague who organised it is trying to exclude someone again from their xmas party this year and brought it up to what they did at my birthday, now I think about it I can't believe the cheek of it and I'm a bit pissed off thats all. I'm now in better job thank god just wondered what others thought about this.

Show quote history

She didn’t exclude you though, you were off sick! I don’t understand why you are determined to accuse this person of excluding you, in any case everyone participated.

Now I agree with those that say it was an odd thing to do, but I would assume they did it to show that they were thinking of you. I don’t believe a group of colleagues would get together and do this to make you feel bad.

sushiburger · 26/11/2023 07:43

That's really really weird. I'd let it go and they will one day look back and think "that was weird of us"

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 26/11/2023 07:43

You’re not even in the same job any more? Yes it’s annoying but you’ve moved on, why are you even giving this any headspace?

Lovesacake · 26/11/2023 07:43

If you don’t even work there anymore you should definitely let this go!

Original poster
WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:45

puppymagic · 26/11/2023 07:33

Wonder if they ordered it before you were off sick and decided to 1. not waste the cake and 2. show you that they hadn't forgotten you and did the best they could to show you they remembered? I'd let it go.

But I didn't get any acknowledgement or even a happy birthday message except from my friend who still works there, so effort was made by this colleage knowing full well I wouldn't be in and she gets a cake and balloons says it for my birthday posts photos of everyone enjoying it but no one else even acknowledged me but did say how lovely the cake was. Not one direct message to me I was part of the work group chat so I saw the photos and messages.

OP posts:
MyCircumference · 26/11/2023 07:46

sounds hurtful

saraclara · 26/11/2023 07:48

She didn't exclude you. You were unable to be there because of your illness. It wasn't down to her that you weren't there!

Exclusion is such a strange weird to use. You're implying that she was the reason you weren't there. She wasn't.

My take on this was that they were letting you know that they hadn't forgotten you, and were celebrating with you virtually. Which is basically the opposite of excluding you. They were INcluding you by whatsapping you into the celebration.

bengalcat · 26/11/2023 07:48

At the time I would’ve sent an all user reply to say thank you for thinking of me , cake looked gorgeous and one of my favourites - that would’ve been an acknowledgment of thanks to the nice staff and backfired on anyone who you feel didn’t have good intentions

TerribleWoman · 26/11/2023 07:50

Did you message on the chat on the day?

Seems weird that if you posted 'oh wow, thanks Norma, that looks lovely, wish I was there with you having a slice!' that no one would then have said 'Happy Birthday Witch!'

If you didn't post, it's less surprising as I would assume someone off sick would not be actively on work chat.

Holly60 · 26/11/2023 07:50

jemenfous37 · 26/11/2023 06:59

Re-read your post
You were off sick for 5 weeks
What did you want them to do? Wait until you were back at work and celecrate then? They didn't know when you were getting back, they threw you a remote celebration.
They are only work colkeagues, not your best friends or imnediate family.
You need to grow up a bit if you are going to survive in this world

What about arranging for a cake and birthday card to be delivered to the poorly colleague?

Surely that would be the normal thing to do??

WandaWonder · 26/11/2023 07:50

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:45

But I didn't get any acknowledgement or even a happy birthday message except from my friend who still works there, so effort was made by this colleage knowing full well I wouldn't be in and she gets a cake and balloons says it for my birthday posts photos of everyone enjoying it but no one else even acknowledged me but did say how lovely the cake was. Not one direct message to me I was part of the work group chat so I saw the photos and messages.

Show quote history

Unless they had a secret coven meeting to come up with some scenario to deliberately exclude you what are wanting? A brass band?

It happened, either make a formal complaint with HR or move on, or else listen to other people who will say 'omg that is shockingly bad you need to leave, they hate you' because there is always poster's who will always feel sorry for op's no matter how odd

Pipsquiggle · 26/11/2023 07:53

Did you respond to any of the photos........'cowface you knew I wasn't going to be in on my birthday, are you going to do the same again when I return on the 23rd?'

She sounds awful. Completely unhinged.

Original poster
WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:54

Aprilx · 26/11/2023 07:41

She didn’t exclude you though, you were off sick! I don’t understand why you are determined to accuse this person of excluding you, in any case everyone participated.

Now I agree with those that say it was an odd thing to do, but I would assume they did it to show that they were thinking of you. I don’t believe a group of colleagues would get together and do this to make you feel bad.

Show quote history

What part of the colleague who organised KNEW I WOULDN'T BE IN did you not get? Read my posts I spoke to her when I was signed off 2 WEEKS before my birthday. I am not determined to accuse her as I have stated in my posts she has past form for this and is currently trying to do it again. But to get a cake, a few balloons then post photos in a group chat that its for my birthday but didn't actually acknowledge me and say Happy Birthday WickedWitch which most of my colleagues didn't acknowledge me. Thats bloody weird enough but to not actually acknowledge the person who's birthday it is just seems insensitive and mean.

OP posts:
jemenfous37 · 26/11/2023 07:54

@Holly60 Well, that's just ridiculous! How much spare cash do you think work colleagues have to spend not only on a cake, but delivery costs.
This is work, not close relatives
How do you propose this working in a large department
The world does not revolve around you

Holly60 · 26/11/2023 07:54

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:02

@FrangipaniBlue I'd been off sick for 2 weeks at this point and they knew I wouldn't be in on my birthday.

@AlwaysFreezing I know I should let it go but its the cheek of it all playing on my mind and knowing ex colleague who organised it has previous form of excluding people she dislikes from things like she did at the xmas party she tried to leave a colleague out but was told that colleague must be invited and spent the xmas do with a sour expression at my other colleague

I would just try to accept that it wasn't about your birthday at all.

You weren't left out of your birthday celebration because that isn't what it was. It was just an excuse for your colleagues to have cake. It's weird that they messaged you but that's just them being a bit weird and socially inept.

I'd probably find an opportunity to make a joke out of the ring leader about it, but I'm just petty like that.

AlisonDonut · 26/11/2023 07:55

They are all completely fucking batshit and be glad you are out of there.

seafronty · 26/11/2023 07:55

Have you considered revenge?

CaptainMyCaptain · 26/11/2023 07:57

FrangipaniBlue · 26/11/2023 06:55

Surely they'd already arranged a cake without knowing you would be off sick and the messages were their way of saying happy birthday, look what you missed?

This. You weren't exactly excluded because you weren't there anyway. Let it go.

Namechange4234 · 26/11/2023 07:58

seafronty · 26/11/2023 07:55

Have you considered revenge?

I think that's EXACTLY where the OP is at now 🤣🤣🤣

pictoosh · 26/11/2023 08:00

I must be a bit thick. I can't imagine being offended by this. It's cake in the workplace. I would have thumbs-upped their pseudo birthday celebration sans birthday girl (me) and told them to enjoy the cake.

What is the issue?

puppymagic · 26/11/2023 08:00

WickedWitchOfTheEast87 · 26/11/2023 07:45

But I didn't get any acknowledgement or even a happy birthday message except from my friend who still works there, so effort was made by this colleage knowing full well I wouldn't be in and she gets a cake and balloons says it for my birthday posts photos of everyone enjoying it but no one else even acknowledged me but did say how lovely the cake was. Not one direct message to me I was part of the work group chat so I saw the photos and messages.

Show quote history

Maybe you'd have got more interaction if you'd posted anything back to them? Did you post anything on the chat at all? "Nice cake, wish I was there?" If you didn't, the ball maybe never got rolling.

It's hard to be sure without having been there or seen it.

Dogcatmousecat · 26/11/2023 08:02

Weird to celebrate someone’s birthday in their abcence, but it is not exactly exclusion ! All sounds a bit childish.

pictoosh · 26/11/2023 08:02

They are not your nearest and dearest...they're colleagues having cake whether you are there or not. That's ok.

ThePoshUns · 26/11/2023 08:02

At my workplace a colleague was 50, a month before me. There were banners, posters and cake.
My birthday nothing.
I was hurt, but I am also a person that doesn't like a fuss / being centre of attention, so let it go.

pictoosh · 26/11/2023 08:10

I mean I am prepared to be corrected on this but I'd have taken it as kind regards...that they are still thinking of me and noting my birthday even though I'm off sick. I'd have smiled at the balloons and cake in my honour.

I think taking it as exclusion is your problem.

Swipe left for the next trending thread