Excluded At My Own Birthday 'Celebration'

[WickedWitchOfTheEast87]

So before I start this happened early this year, I was off sick from work for 5 weeks and my birthday was during the time I was off but as I was sick I was stuck at home.

During the day messages were coming through on the work group chat with photos of a birthday cake and a message that it was for my birthday. No one wished me happy birthday but messages followed how lovely the cake was and thanking the colleague who got the cake which I didn't get to try! AIBU to think that was really cheeky and I was upset at the time I was basically excluded from my own birthday! I'm now just pissed off at the fact they basically made my birthday an excuse for cake and then had the nerve to send photos in the group chat of it knowing I would see it, when I did return to work no card or present despite me always paying towards other people's birthday's. What do you guys think of this? Thoughtless and nasty or they just didn't think? I'm no longer working there now I left a few weeks ago but was talking to ex colleague earlier about it and she's had similar happen to her too and she said it was horrible of them to do that.

So as not to drip feed the ex colleague who got the cake and put the photo and msssage in is a two faced cow and she'd done things like this before but she really surpassed herself this time in my opinion.

This!

Everywhere I have worked I've always taken in a cake on my birthday for my colleagues normally I buy it from Morrisons they're cakes are really nice and I'm really bad at baking cakes I wouldn't inflict my cakes on my worst enemy 🤣 and normally I've had a card with a gift voucher in it for about £20-£30 and that was done for everyone unless it was a special birthday then a bit more effort was made.

However in that office they seem to make more of an effort at birthdays sometimes a collague will bake a birthday cake or they buy it for the person who's birthday it is and they give a card and present or if the person is off they give a card and present when the birthday colleague returns and somtimes they buy flowers.

It's a spiteful and petty thing to do but have you thought about reframing it?

Ex colleague has spent their money a cake enough for the office isn't pennies more fool them! Your friend is the only one who matters in wishing you a happy birthday. Personally I would be laughing about what an idiot they are for wasting money!

I actually think what this lady did was a bit nuts. In relation to people saying that the cake was probably ordered. She knew OP was going to be out for her birthday 2 weeks prior. What kind of fecking cake is it, that it would need to be ordered that far in advance,? I personally think wishing her Happy Birthday on the WhatsApp Group on the day and perhaps having cake and a card on her return should have been what was done. I do think this lady was being a bitch and acting sneaky but most people haven't spotted that. That's how nasty, sneaky people manage to get away with what they do.

Absolutely bonkers! So insanely weird of them it would actually make me laugh my socks off, and I’d be repeating that anecdote (and probably embellishing it with more and worse ridiculousness) til the end of time. I’m sorry you are upset @WickedWitchOfTheEast87 , but I think it’s a bit hilarious.

I can't see how in the world people are thinking they did a 'nice thing' for you. At best they used your birthday as an excuse to down tools and stand around eating cake and take pictures of themselves. At worst they were deliberately making a point of showing you they were having fun on your birthday without you. I really can't believe that any group could be so lacking in emotional intelligence and imagination that they couldn't think of a single more appropriate way to celebrate your birthday in your absence than this.You know them best and whether this is a weird one off from otherwise nice people or part of a pattern of exclusion. If the former I'd just forget it. People can be weird. If the latter, well that's another issue.

I learned a long time ago that the people who you work with aren't necessarily your friends (if they are it's a bonus), but people your employer has recruited to do the same tasks and pay you all for.
I was off sick last year with a broken leg. I had 3 people from work visit in 6 months and all were management on welfare visits. The 2 people who I thought were friends were nowhere to be seen.

That's what I thought. I'd be pleased they were thinking of me.

Were they just spending the money as it was intended, to avoid people asking where spare contributions go? We don't read the work whatsappp when we off sick , and messages to us would not be allowed on a work forum. It's not good for you to be harbouring this resentment - and you and your other ex colleague need to move on. I hope things feel better in your new workplace.

Exactly! Who else were the photos for, if not for you!?

If they did nothing and you came back to work 3 weeks after your birthday you would have expected cards and a cake on your non-birthday? They had a celebration on your birthday, if it bothers you that much just go and buy your favourite cake, stick a candle on it and sing Happy Birthday to me.

I remember once being excluded from my sister and brother in laws surprise 40th wedding anniversary. My sister in law organised it and didn't send an invite. No by mistake, I wasn't overlooked.

My sister, brother in law and my Mother came to my house the following day with a chunk of the cake. Sure I didn't know what the cake was for and they said what it was for. I actually stupidly burst into tears and ran upstairs, upset that I was excluded from a big family event.

My husband asked them to leave and my Mum burst out crying saying she was upset I wasn't there and cried in the car on the way home from the party. Myself, husband and daughter still laugh about this. My Mum went to the party, stayed at the party but cried on the way home that I wasn't there. I come from a large family and they all thought this was acceptable to exclude me , my husband and daughter in a big family celebration. It's fascinating what people don't see.

I'm with you @WickedWitchOfTheEast87 it's weird and feels a little bit like rubbing your nose in it

• Manager knew you were signed off and wouldn't be in on your birthday
• If people are off sick they usually delay the celebration until the ill colleague is back but they didn't.

Regarding the cake

• If it was shop-bought they could've postponed
• If it was home made they could've postponed
• If it was custom ordered before you went off sick they could've asked the baker to postpone
• If it was custom ordered after you were signed off, why!?
• If it was custom ordered and could't be postponed they should've had the emotional intelligence and sensitivity to not take pics of them eating your fave cake knowing you couldn't enjoy any

Apart from anything else they could've saved you a bit (cake freezes fine) and at least sent you a card! 🤔

My team at work is lovely and if they had done it I would have thought they were trying to make me laugh.

if they’re not nice people yes it’s probably a d—- move. Sounds like youre much better off out of the place.

That's why it could be called a belated birthday celebration. I don't think it's about the cake though is it or have you failed to spot that from OP" post?

So, someone who has form for being mean and excluding people, was mean to you and excluded you - in your interpretation. So what? She’s a cow. In a sense, it wasn’t personal.

What do you gain from dwelling on it? Precisely nothing. Move on. Be glad you don’t work there any more.

PS I hope you are fully recovered from whatever kept you off work for six weeks.

That's a really weird and mean thing to do.

Look on the bright side though. You don't work there anymore and you never have to see these people again.

How weird....

I can't believe there are some people on here who seriously think that sending a sick colleague pictures of 'her' birthday cake being enjoyed by everyone else is a nice thing to do!

The nice thing to do, if your colleague is off sick for so long, would have been to forego the cake at that time and had it when she returned to work. Or, just not had cake. Or at the least, not sent her photos. Or they could just have sent Happy Birthday messages.

It's not as though she went off sick that very morning, giving no time to cancel the cake-buying. They knew she wouldn't be in.

I think it's clear to see from this thread, the ones that comply with the office bitch. It's the ones that comply that are just as bad.

I’m guessing you’d have been whinging if they’d done nothing.

It’s is weird. Why would someone go to the expense and effort when you won’t be there? Very strange.

my workplace thankfully doesn’t celebrate people’s birthdays - I do think it is odd. A couple of people have dropped hints that we should mark their big birthday. I ignore!

Let it go. You will meet all sorts of people in your working life, some nice, some not so much. Rise above it, they are only colleagues, not close friends, as a PP said.

Also, cake is just cake, it's overrated imo. 😉

They knew you were off and still had the cake and sent you the photos. ..that WAS including you ..