Should I report my sister?

[howdoihowdoi]

Older sister, 10 years qualified as a social worker in mental health. Appears to be good at her job and has worked hard at it. However, takes cocaine and drinks herself into a stupor every single weekend. I find it disgustingly frustrating that she is managing to power through, but that's about it.

I know she does all she can but she has even admitted that going to a service users door on a Monday morning after being on in all weekend feels very contradictory.

Should I report her? Or suppprt her?

People don't lose their kids over drug use unless they are putting them at risk of significant harm. A parent using coke at the weekends wouldn't even raise an eyebrow with social services as long as the children were safe and being cared for in their absence.

Are you jealous of her career? Because that’s how this post reads.

A parent using coke at the weekends wouldn't even raise an eyebrow with social services as long as the children were safe and being cared for in their absence.

😂That's bollox, maybe they can't do anything about it but it would certainly raise an eyebrow for me if I worked with social services because I know enough coke heads to know that many of them turn into absolute arseholes and it often causes relationship issues and an unhappy home life.

No I wouldn't. She's your sister! Going out for the weekend and letting off steam doesn't seem like such a bad thing to do. I hate cocaine and alcohol to be honest, but would not think of doing this.

I’d be having an honest chat with my sister about her wellbeing first and foremost, I’d be really worried that she’s deeply unhappy.

Who would you “report her” to, your Mum?

Christ. What a shit sister you'd be for reporting her.
Has she actually got a problem with coke and booze Or does she occasionally use it and you've exaggerated? Loads of people (particularly young professionals in their 20s living the London life) drink and do drugs at the weekend.

Why report her? What would you gain from it? She needs help but not until she asks for it and when she does, support her and be there. It's not your business otherwise.

I wouldn’t want to report my sister but that may be the shock she needs to address her habit. I don’t agree that weekend drug binges can not be affecting her work, perhaps she just hides it well. If she needs to snort coke every weekend to cope with what is an incredibly stressful and high pressure job then perhaps social work is not the right career for her. I might have missed it if you have tried, but I would only report her as a last ditch wake up call if all other efforts to help her hadn’t worked. It doesn’t sound like you have a very close relationship though so you may not want to try support and helping first, and she may not be very receptive to help from you. It all depends on your relationship I suppose.

I don’t get why you’d consider reporting her so she could lose her job? I mean if you want to lose your relationship by all means. You need to try and encourage her to get support. To get to why she’s doing this? Unresolved trauma etc?

What on earth would you hope to achieve?
Maybe her job keeps her from getting worse.

'A parent using coke at the weekends wouldn't even raise an eyebrow with social services as long as the children were safe and being cared for in their absence.'

In my son's primary school class alone, two kids lost their fathers to cocaine 'binges'. Another guy living locally was murdered during a session between users.

Mixing coke and large amounts of alcohol is highly dangerous and can cause cardiac arrest. Didn't this used to be widely known?

If social services are turning a blind eye to this, we really are in trouble.

If you worked for social services....but you don't? so irrelevant really but thanks for sharing 🙄

I didn't say it was top parenting!

I think a lot of people have very little idea of how high the threshold is for social services intervention. I was replying to the poster who said children were removed for drug use...that's just not true. There is always other factors at play.

Someone using recreationally at the weekend whilst their kids were taken care of wouldn't even warrant a visit.

Don't report her! Support her.

Exactly. She doesn't do it on duty, only at weekends. If she was seriously worried about this weekend habit, she would do something about it and, indeed, she may in time, especially if she finds something more interesting for her weekends. However, she is currently doing what she wants and harming nobody else.

Many people do the from all walks of life. during their time off: police, medics, teachers and those in the performing arts. It's their business.

I wonder if a lot of the responses here are supportive of the sister because the posters emphathise with a woman with a hard life.
Would there be a more neutral response if the issue was about someone who posters could identify with less....
E.g. if the OP was talking about her brother in this same situation instead.

Drug dependency doesn't mean you take it everyday.

Addiction has many forms. The frequency is just a unit of measurement. It's still addiction.

Anyway using weekly ends up being daily.

However I know you don't want to be an enabler but reporting her will send her on a downward spiral. You will accelerate the risk.

I'm a recovering addict. (You never recover). My opinion is considered harsh but some people have to learn the hard way. Which is what I did.

For all those who can't comprehend the situation: people don't just abuse substances because they're addicted to the substance. It's mostly psychological.

she is not wanting to deal with her emotions and is using coke and alcohol to avoid facing upto them.

Her brain now is accustomed to the increase of dopamine at certain times and coming of will make her emotionally unstable, lonely and feel a huge void in her life.

She sounds isolated and wants to isolate her self.

She also needs to want to change. She may need a therapist.

I went through many therapists. I came across an app called betterhelp, its convenient for me as it's mobile and on FaceTime.

When you fill out the form she can just say she's unemployed etc and she'd be offered a discount of 40% or so for 3 months.

Maybe she needs an outlet and safe space and slowly replace her bad habits with good ones.

It took me 2 years to get of coke and start living in the present and being present. (I've only done 10 months of therapy) as I'd slip up some times but what the previous person said about cardiac arrest is very real.

Also as an ex dealer, I know there's a lot of sh*t out on the streets.

My most recent slip up, I ended up in hospital and the doctor told me next time it'll be a body bag.

As I've been clean for a while, my body can't handle even a couple of grams. Coke screws with all the neural pathways and nervous system.

You should gently intervene and let her know you're worried about her and suggest her therapy or giving her more of your time.

It's not an easy road for you to take on, addicts are clingy and will slip up a lot. You're better off convincing her to go to therapy.

I hope all goes well

I'm surprised but not surprised at the Gender bias on this thread. It wasn't that long ago, I read a thread where the Op's dh was a secret cocaine user. Everyone was shrieking ltb, ban him from seeing the kids because he's a druggie etc. But here it's all let's be kind and support your sister.

The fact is her sister is a drug user in a position of authority and I'd question the judgement she makes while under the influence of mind altering substances.

In my employment contract there is a dismissal clause if I'm found to be a drug user or alcoholic. This is due to the nature of the work I do and let's not forget drug users spiral into other crimes to pay for their habit. This is a massive problem and red flag and you're right to be concerned @howdoihowdoi op.

Surely many under 30s do this every weekend? I don't really see the big deal unless it's affecting her work

@kitsuneghost

OP says she did cocaine and drank alcohol at the weekend.
This does not make someone drug dependant and an alcoholic

Exactly this
OP sounds really judgemental of other sister, perhaps she is jealous in some way.
Putting up a post on mums net which she was probably hoping people would vote
‘Repor her’ in order to justify her behaviour
OP should take a good hard look at her own behaviour as I think some improvements could be made there!!

As your sister drinks and takes alcohol and cocaine every weekend to decompress then I'd say she was dependent. This is because she can't a) survive a weekend without substances B) she needs it to help her cope with her work and get through the week

So she is dependent on it for her survival.

I honestly don’t know anyone who doesn’t take cocaine when they go out on the weekend.

I honestly don't know anyone who does, because I'm not friends with gakked-up idiots. Stop trying to make out that this is normal.

Oh yes. Obvs it's jealousy...😬

for anyone in any doubt, this is taken from the professional standards for social workers "As a social worker, I will not:
5.1 Abuse, neglect, discriminate, exploit or harm anyone, or condone this by others.
5.2 Behave in a way that would bring into question my suitability to work as a social worker while at work, or outside of work.
5.3 Falsify records or condone this by others.
5.4 Ask for, or accept any money, gifts or hospitality which may affect or appear to affect my professional judgement.
5.5 Treat someone differently because they’ve raised a complaint.
5.6 Use technology, social media or other forms of electronic communication unlawfully, unethically, or in a way that brings the profession into disrepute."

for all those who think its ok, how can you think that someone with a drug addiction that means they engage in criminal behaviour to procure that drug, not be in breach of their professional standards?