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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I report my sister?

206 replies

howdoihowdoi · 25/11/2023 22:00

Older sister, 10 years qualified as a social worker in mental health. Appears to be good at her job and has worked hard at it. However, takes cocaine and drinks herself into a stupor every single weekend. I find it disgustingly frustrating that she is managing to power through, but that's about it.

I know she does all she can but she has even admitted that going to a service users door on a Monday morning after being on in all weekend feels very contradictory.

Should I report her? Or suppprt her?

OP posts:
Takenwithtea · 25/11/2023 23:11

Among my acquaintances, friends of friends, etc., this binge drug and alcohol use seems to be very common among social workers and teachers. They don't seem to see any problem with it.

I can't imagine why you'd report it unless you believe your sister isn't competent at work as a result (and I mean by more than just Monday morning tiredness). Using at work would be a different matter, of course.

I'd be concerned and supportive. I imagine such jobs are so stressful. I find it really somehow odd that my acquaintances who lead such a lifestyle claim to be really happy and successful. I also wonder how their children find it, seeing their parents drunk and drugged every weekend.

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 25/11/2023 23:12

A quick Google will bring up a lot of information linking mental health problems and drug use. And no I don't work in mental health but I do have several family members suffering from both addiction and mental health problems. I don't need a degree to know there is a link as I lived through it and witnessed it first hand

Should I report my sister?
TheGirlWhoLived · 25/11/2023 23:12

So using drugs can cause mental health problems. Not mental health problems stem from using drugs.

addictive personalities often lead to drug addictions which often lead to mental health problems. Unfortunately this isn’t the case the other way round. I’ve literally spent 15 + years helping with mental health problems. It is a common misconception

Dogcatmousecat · 25/11/2023 23:13

So you posted at 10pm on a Saturday night and you are either a first poster or NC !
You said your sister has been SW for 10 years and now late on a Saturday evening you are considering reporting her ! So what is the full story!

WandaWonder · 25/11/2023 23:13

Is this the same sister that was posted about a few months ago in pretty much the same situation

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2023 23:13

The problem with mental health workers with mental health problems of their own (and I'd class addictions to drugs and alcohol as a mental health problem) is that when they lecture to their clients about what they should be doing, it becomes meaningless. People pick up on these things. Yes we're better off with them in these positions than with no-one. But it's not ideal, is it? That's what OP is saying. It's not what would have happened years ago.

TheGirlWhoLived · 25/11/2023 23:14

@Allthecatsandcosyblankets im sure you don’t need a degree. I would urge you towards thinking outside the box though, perhaps by listening to someone who does have a degree, particularly in the subject you are waxing lyrical on, when you aren’t actually correct

Lifeomars · 25/11/2023 23:17

I've worked in drug services and in mental health services, I could tell some tales, but I won't because I do not sit in judgment of people. I would of course have reported a colleague who was putting a service user at risk, but I never saw this happen. Anyway, what on earth do you think her employer would say? Would they even entertain a conversation with you? She is presumably effective in her role and not going to work off her face/hungover/on a come down, though I guess she may well be feeling rough. Does she know about cocaethylene, it is produced when someone uses coke and alcohol at together and it doubles the half life of the coke and has the potential to cause heart damage which may only show up later in life. Support her, if you dob her in at work do you honestly see it having anything other than wrecking your relationship with her and having a detrimental effect on her career.

Dogcatmousecat · 25/11/2023 23:19

Takenwithtea · 25/11/2023 23:11

Among my acquaintances, friends of friends, etc., this binge drug and alcohol use seems to be very common among social workers and teachers. They don't seem to see any problem with it.

I can't imagine why you'd report it unless you believe your sister isn't competent at work as a result (and I mean by more than just Monday morning tiredness). Using at work would be a different matter, of course.

I'd be concerned and supportive. I imagine such jobs are so stressful. I find it really somehow odd that my acquaintances who lead such a lifestyle claim to be really happy and successful. I also wonder how their children find it, seeing their parents drunk and drugged every weekend.

My children have friends who are qualified as Dr ,Nurses,Teachers and Social Workers….they work hard but absolutely none of them take drugs.All very capable of a pissed night out ! It’s their parents who have white nostrils working in the city!

TheShellBeach · 25/11/2023 23:20

Lord above, not this again.
Hmm

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 25/11/2023 23:20

TheGirlWhoLived · 25/11/2023 23:14

@Allthecatsandcosyblankets im sure you don’t need a degree. I would urge you towards thinking outside the box though, perhaps by listening to someone who does have a degree, particularly in the subject you are waxing lyrical on, when you aren’t actually correct

I think it's you who needs to think outside the box, all I've said is there is a link between drug use and mental health and I'm right. I've witnessed and lived though it and if you haven't lived it then I can't argue with you because you'll never get it

Lifeomars · 25/11/2023 23:21

CurlyhairedAssassin · 25/11/2023 23:13

The problem with mental health workers with mental health problems of their own (and I'd class addictions to drugs and alcohol as a mental health problem) is that when they lecture to their clients about what they should be doing, it becomes meaningless. People pick up on these things. Yes we're better off with them in these positions than with no-one. But it's not ideal, is it? That's what OP is saying. It's not what would have happened years ago.

!0 years in drugs work followed by 12 years working in mental health and I have never "lectured" a client/service user about anything. Listened, reflected, advised, possibly educated, hopefully helped but never ever lectured.

Illbebythesea · 25/11/2023 23:23

I wouldn’t report my worst enemy, my sister?! Absolutely no chance.

WandaWonder · 25/11/2023 23:23

There are some jobs that should random drug and alcohol testing this is one

TheGirlWhoLived · 25/11/2023 23:24

@Allthecatsandcosyblankets just to let you know, I see your comment. I absolutely disagree with it in a number of different ways- but I am done with banging my head against brick walls. Thank you for your kind consideration for everything I have worked - really fucking hard - for. I shall happily ignore you and carry on though, if it’s all the same to you.

TheGirlWhoLived · 25/11/2023 23:26

@Lifeomars it’s a different world the other side of the keyboard though isn’t it!

TheGirlWhoLived · 25/11/2023 23:30

Mental health problems and drugs are NOT synonymous. Often drug abuse leads to mental health problems.

Thats a bit like saying one night stands cause kids! Kids happen, all the time to lots of people. Lots that don’t expect it. One night stands also cause kids. It’s not synonymous

WhoWants2Know · 25/11/2023 23:31

If by "support her" you mean help her stop before she lands in the shit, I would say yes, support her.

It's risky behaviour, not just because of the effects on her physical and mental health, but because people talk. If it gets back to the wrong person, she could lose her job.

GreatGateauxsby · 25/11/2023 23:31

FloweryName · 25/11/2023 22:03

Support her.

You’d probably be very surprised at the amount of doctors, lawyers, police officers etc who are regular alcohol or substance users.

Agreed.

Normally my view is don't cover for people.
But she's your sister and you'd actually be going out of your way to make it worse.

Being a social worker has to be one of the toughest gigs going. It's known to cause burn out. It sounds like she's struggling badly. She needs help not for you to force her hand into rock bottom.

Getting her fired or put on probation or whatever isnt going to help her situation it will just push her further.

Do you actually like /care about her?

Sholkedabemus · 25/11/2023 23:53

Who are you going to report her to? The naughty sister police? Just mind your own FFS.

AInightingale · 25/11/2023 23:57

Your sister's job isn't really the issue here, it's that she's got a drug and alcohol dependency.

Taken aback by the number of posts which seek to normalise or justify this, or excuse it by saying that 'some people have very stressful jobs.' Fucking hell, plenty of people have hellishly stressful lives and don't self-medicate with booze and Class A drugs every five days to the extent that they pass out.

It would be a tragedy if she lost her job because of this, so don't report her, but do help her get addiction support. In no way is this a 'normal' way to live.

Drinking until you black out and taking cocaine every week (and it's probably more than that) is not the same as a bottle of wine and a spliff to unwind. And many people don't even do that, they have other strategies to deal with stress.

Cocaine is a massive problem where I live and at least 5 people have died in the last couple of years from using bad batches of it. No credible mental health professional would endorse long-term drug and alcohol misuse as a solution to their clients. Why is that?

slore · 26/11/2023 00:00

Why would you report her if it's not affecting her work?

losing her job would just give her nothing to live for and send her further into addiction problems.

slore · 26/11/2023 00:02

AInightingale · 25/11/2023 23:57

Your sister's job isn't really the issue here, it's that she's got a drug and alcohol dependency.

Taken aback by the number of posts which seek to normalise or justify this, or excuse it by saying that 'some people have very stressful jobs.' Fucking hell, plenty of people have hellishly stressful lives and don't self-medicate with booze and Class A drugs every five days to the extent that they pass out.

It would be a tragedy if she lost her job because of this, so don't report her, but do help her get addiction support. In no way is this a 'normal' way to live.

Drinking until you black out and taking cocaine every week (and it's probably more than that) is not the same as a bottle of wine and a spliff to unwind. And many people don't even do that, they have other strategies to deal with stress.

Cocaine is a massive problem where I live and at least 5 people have died in the last couple of years from using bad batches of it. No credible mental health professional would endorse long-term drug and alcohol misuse as a solution to their clients. Why is that?

Yes, and each line of cocaine destroys 3 square meters of Amazon rainforest. The drugs production system involves a lot of violent gangs - cocaine addiction harms more than the addict.

I still think support rather than report is the best option because drug addiction is not a choice. Cocaine is a rather expensive addiction as well for a social worker.

BlueGrey1 · 26/11/2023 00:05

Support her, you silly creature

Who needs enemies if they have sisters like you

MaidOfSteel · 26/11/2023 00:06

I can't believe some of the vicious replies on this thread.

Your sister needs your support, OP. I hope you can help her find other ways to deal with the undoubted stress her work involves. Her physical & mental health must be terrible and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to see her like this.