to think that 4 boys should not be a deal breaker

[ItsCagain]

We have 4 boys 15 13 11 6. i can’t help but feel so jealous at people who go to Christmas markets with their kids. We can barely go out for dinner without them killing each other or be so difficult you just want to leave. This morning i saw some pic of a friend with their son and daughter last night and it makes me so sad that we can’t do that anymore with ours or at least not without complete despair

Mum of 4 boys here & yes, they fought & no, I couldn't have gone to Christmas markets with them. You have my sympathy.

If it's any consolation, they're now 31, 30, 28 & 25 and get along really well most of the time.

I'm literally enroute to the big Birmingham Christmas markets right now with my 3 yo DS. I took him last year and he loved it. Plenty to see, do and eat.

Disagree with this just based on anecdata.

Me and my DB used to fight a lot when very little and then again as teenagers. In adulthood we are very close. We also have a DSis who again at varying life stages we fought, as adults neither me nor DB are as close to DSis for complicated reasons relating to her personality essentially but nevertheless we are all civil enough and maintain a generally pleasant relationship. Also anecdotal but likewise I know loads of people who are very close to siblings in adulthood that they fought with loads as a child or teen.

Wow. Your poor daughter when you have those sexist ideas.

I saw a YouTube video short recently where a brother and sister were hugging and laughing having a photo done. As soon as the photo finished their smiles dropped, they shoved each other and stomped off in different directions. That’s sometimes the reality behind the smiling joyful family photos 😁

I don't feel jealous of anyone going to a Christmas market. They're overpriced and overrated and they always stink of various bits of dead animal being barbecued. Better to take your sons for a nice winter trek in the forest or in the hills instead (and it's free).

I don't think it's much to do with them being boys, but more about what they like doing.

I have three boys, grown now. They are close in age and were perfectly civilised and well behaved if taken out to dinner or to do something that interested them. They certainly wouldn't squabble in public, even if at home they wanted to kill each other!

A Christmas Market wouldn't have been up their street at all though and I wouldn't have even tried. I'd have left them at home to kill each other and gone with DH or a friend.

I have one ds with severe autism and one 'normal'. We've never been able to do family outings. Time to switch off social media if you are upset by comparisons with picture postcard families

Pick an activity where there isn’t much opportunity to argue - theatre, cinema, ice-skating, etc.

For meals out, ask them if they’d like to go and if they do want to, there is to be no arguing or next time, the older two can stay home and have toast and a banana for dinner. Or book a babysitter and yourself and your DH go out by yourselves.

Can’t you just take the younger 2? We’ve got 7 altogether and very rare we’d take them all out together, have often got babysitters etc if we’d needed to

I had 3 girls. They fought like mad. Going out was tough. It's normal

It's the age gap and ages too. A 15 year old likely won't want to hang around with a 6 year old. I found my younger sisters annoying as hell as a teen!

@Merryoldgoat That's lovely 😀

My dad was a single father in the 80s, he had 5 of us girls and we killed one another half the time. He used to separate us in mass and other events but I look back and don't know how he stuck us, we just never got on but there is hope, we are all the best of friends now we are older

I have one child and although her behaviour is good, days out, even expensive treats can be ruined by her moods and sulking. Just to make you feel better that it's not because you have 4 boys, it's because kids can be selfish and ungrateful & don't realise they're spoiling things. If they don't enjoy it I wouldn't bother taking them tbh & go with your OH or some friends!

I have 4 boys (22,19,16,12) and we have only ever had one problem with behaviour when we took them out. We told them that they were being taken home because of the behaviour, and did exactly that. It never happened again.

I would like to say that my magnificent parenting solved the problem, but I reckon it's actually mostly luck. Some kids seem to behave better at home, and some are better where they have an audience. Mine like the audience. (I have been asked how I manage to make them behave so well and I never knew what to say, but my husband cheerfully tells people that it's a case of finding the right combination of drugs and violence!).

People tend to only post things that they want you to see not the nightmare stuff that most parents go through.

I have two boys but we've never been to a Christmas market, I'd rather go with my mum or something! They would have just found it boring. They are older now but would have been more likely to fight at home so going out was good for us. As long as we chose places they thought were fun it would generally be fine.

In a sea of real crap at times their relationship is a true high point.

They are currently playing ‘under’ where the little one brings a blanket and shouts ‘UNDER’ and they then hide under it.

Makes dealing with the relentlessness of life a little easier.

I have 3 girls 12, 15 and 17. While they don’t fight as such, they constantly bicker. Today the older 2 are off doing their own thing so I’m taking the youngest to the Christmas market. Divide and conquer!

Mine fight constantly. There is 18 months between them.
Everything is an argument. Now 16 & 18 and they still annoy the fuck out of each other.
After the last family holiday I've said no more holidays. Ever.

I have 4, 3 boys 1 girl. Boy 2 (aged 18).and girl.1 (aged 13) are the hard ones and cause 85% of the fights. Don't blame the sex! DD is a wildcat if she doesn't get her own way. As they have got older they are getting better and better.
Tbf Xmas markets are shite for all ages imo. We have one of the biggest ones in the UK and I actively avoid it. They go with their mates and waste their own money now.

Really? My interpretation was that the pp's daughter herself was into girly stuff (the horror! clutches pearls), rather than imposing sexist ideas.

I have a boy and a girl and I wouldn’t go to a Christmas market with them for more than ten minutes, it just wouldn’t be fun - for me. Social media pictures don’t tell the whole story!

It's not just a boy thing, OP.

I know 2 sisters, with a 2-year age gap. They absolutely hated each other, so much so that at 12 & 14 the younger one threatened the older one with a carving knife. She wasn't mucking about, either.

They fought regularly (actual physical fights) until the eldest left home, then got along ok for a few years in their early 20s, but they're not close at all now, at 39 and 41. Older sister thinks the younger one is a bone idle twat, the younger one thinks her sister is a stuck up bitch.

It's a nightmare for their mother. She's constantly treading on eggshells and if she so much as buys one of them a coffee, the other gets arsey because they didn't get one.