Page 31 | Partner not come home freaking out and angry

annabel586 · 2023-11-25T00:05:43+00:00

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls. Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. [sad] I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

Zonder · 26/11/2023 08:44

daisychain01 · 26/11/2023 08:42

It's madness having two adults sharing 1 set of house keys. They should each have their own set of keys, plus have an independently held spare set for emergencies.

There's no suggestion this is the case! It would indeed be madness. Have you never forgotten your keys?

LakieLady · 26/11/2023 08:48

Nanaof1 · 26/11/2023 05:23

"You made me mad because you won't listen to me. If you'd listen to me, I wouldn't have to hit you." is another winner. It not that some men don't think, it's that some men only think of a way to turn their misdeeds into someone else's fault.

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My ex was like that. He blamed me for anything and everything, including an accident he had at work when I was 50 miles away. (It was because I stressed him out several hours earlier that he was too wound up to concentrate on what he was doing, apparently.)

I've no doubt that if he'd ever been caught drinking and driving, that would have been my fault, too.

LakieLady · 26/11/2023 08:56

daisychain01 · 26/11/2023 07:19

Hope it doesn’t mean he loses his job OP

this should say "Hope this means he loses his job" - serves him right if he does. He'll definitely lose his licence.

I was astonished when my ex-SIL didn't lose her job when she was prosecuted for drinking and driving.

She was a district nurse, and needed to drive to her patients. She was actually supported by her colleagues, who rearranged caseloads so that SIL had cases that were within walking or cycling distance of the (rural) health centre where her team was based.

Her husband reported her when she drove off to buy cigarettes after a drunken argument in the early hours of the morning.

christmasdodedodedo · 26/11/2023 09:00

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Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

craigth162 · 26/11/2023 09:02

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What makes u think that? Its same thread MN closed.it for a bit then reopened once all checked

Passepartoute · 26/11/2023 09:05

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I think that you're looking at the thread you think it duplicates. Time to wake up,

christmasdodedodedo · 26/11/2023 09:05

Oh it's the same one? I thought it was deleted as it was fake and this was it being repeated

YouJustDoYou · 26/11/2023 09:09

annabel586 · 25/11/2023 13:24

Also his mother messaging me worried about how down he will be and how we should all support him 🙄 is not helping

I just said this is going to have consequences on my life as well now so I need to do what's best for me

Fuck him and his feelings, silly woman! Waaa, my poor baby boy! He could've killed someone, for fucks sake! My mum was hit by a drunk driver, two broken legs, my uncle was killed instantly by a drunk fucking driver. Makes me so, so furious.

pictoosh · 26/11/2023 09:10

No. there was a dodgy post I reported from some random with a nasty name and a weird GIF. I suppose others may have flagged it too. Maybe there were more.

Passepartoute · 26/11/2023 09:17

RegimentalSturgeon · 26/11/2023 07:08

Your Spidey senses were obviously working last night.

This kind of crap is posted so often on mumsnet. It was nothing to do with ‘spidey senses’ that the OP worked herself up into a ridiculous state before she knew anything was actually wrong: she said herself that she has a problem with not knowing where someone is/being able to get hold of them. In another scenario, like the ones predicted at the beginning of the thread, that would be seen as her problem at best, controlling emotional blackmail at worst. No need for pound shop mysticism.

I so agree. OP herself said she wouldn't be in anything like such a state if she knew he was safely tucked up in a cell. So clearly no mythical spidey senses were operating at all.

TheWelshposter · 26/11/2023 09:26

tenterden · 25/11/2023 09:40

This man is scum.

I hope OP kicks him out. I can’t believe all this “thank god he’s safe” twaddle. He didn’t give a shit about how safe anyone was when he got behind the wheel drunk did he?

Disgusting piece of shit.

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Agree. I'd be more thankful that everyone else on the roads/pedestrians is safe.

Disgusting man.

Hijohn · 26/11/2023 09:28

Fuck drunk drivers.

Hope you are ok op.

daisychain01 · 26/11/2023 09:35

Zonder · 26/11/2023 08:44

There's no suggestion this is the case! It would indeed be madness. Have you never forgotten your keys?

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Agreed, must have misread it, I thought they shared house keys but obviously not!

mind you some of the madness I read on here doesn't surprise me, like the majority of the male population on here who 9 times out of 10 will go out with 30 seconds worth of power in their mobile phone battery, or who leave their phone behind. It isn't just the odd isolated incident, it's that these are supposedly meant to be responsible fathers but they seem to leave their brains behind when it comes to a social night out. How they hold down a steady job is anyone's guess.

Caiti19 · 26/11/2023 09:38

Drunk driving is a reckless act displaying extreme selfishness on level that hopefully means you want nothing to do with him going forward. It sounds like you don't have children so no ties to him - onwards and upwards for you now.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 26/11/2023 09:38

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

I'll hazard a guess you're the only one. And given your minimising of drink driving, I hope you're the only one.

I've done and said silly and embarrassing things when I've had too much to drink. but I've never driven a car. It's a hard rule for my husband and me- even a drop of alcohol - no driving.

Deathwillbebutapause · 26/11/2023 09:42

I had an immediate family member killed by a drunk driver who never went to prison for it. I rank drunk drivers somewhere alongside cockroaches, paedophiles and other vermin.

GreatGateauxsby · 26/11/2023 09:48

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

Yep.
you are the only one.

going with your argument though… when he phoned twice he could easily have left a voicemail or text which would be the bare minimum decent thing to do…but he didn’t because that would have involved showing basic levels of decency and consideration to OP.

MrsCocoaJones1 · 26/11/2023 09:49

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

Absolute main character energy.

“as long as he wasn’t taking the piss out of me, it’s fine”

NoraBattysCurlers · 26/11/2023 09:51

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

I sincerely hope that you are the only one.

You would be more angry at a partner who didn't call you than at a partner that would drive while very drunk and potentially kill someone.

What a seriously self-centred post. You put a higher value on your own feelings and insecurities that other people's lives.

sandragreen · 26/11/2023 09:53

Deathwillbebutapause · 26/11/2023 09:42

I had an immediate family member killed by a drunk driver who never went to prison for it. I rank drunk drivers somewhere alongside cockroaches, paedophiles and other vermin.

Most people agree with this and it’s another consideration for @annabel586

In my friendship group someone was arrested for DD and his girlfriend stayed with him. They became social pariahs, nobody wanted to be associated with them.

Such cases are usually reported in the local newspapers and the information becomes widely known. Loss of job, income, ability to drive for extended period, increased insurance will all add pressure.

It still isn’t enough of a punishment in my view, having lost a young cousin to a drunk driver. There should be an automatic lifetime ban.

MegaClutterSlut · 26/11/2023 09:57

To the idiot trying to defend him, he was slurring his words at 7pm so was clearly pissed then. There is no excuse for what he has done and hopefully he'll get what he deserves. People die because of twats like him how can you defend that ffs

Topseyt123 · 26/11/2023 10:14

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

Yes, only you. Rightly so.

sandyhappypeople · 26/11/2023 10:15

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

If my DH did this I would think he was an awful person, we don’t drink drive in our family at all, not even after one, and the fact that OPs DH was slurring his words on the phone to her at 7pm then got in the car at 9pm to drive is insane, only people that think it’s okay to drink drive would do this.

the only thing that I’m slightly suspicious of is that there was a plan to drive hone at some point anyway? If it was straight from work then surely you’d arrange a lift to work in the morning or leave your car somewhere to collect the next day? OP said he was planning to drive home as he was ‘only going out for an hour or so’ so maybe casual drink driving is more acceptable to them?

I personally think there should be a zero tolerance on drink driving, as once people have had one/two their judgement is impaired too much to make decisions about whether they’re fit to drive! He’s lucky he didn’t kill anyone.

Intelligenthair · 26/11/2023 10:16

Cosyfire · 26/11/2023 09:02

Am I the only one that thinks the fact he was arrested for drunk driving would make me less cross at him. That at least explains why he was missing all night, and didn't even bother to call, when he knew OP would be so worried. The alternative (which would make me furious) is that he kept drinking all night, crashed in some pals house, ignored all the missed calls, had a laugh with his mates about 'what a pain' OP was, and wasn't one bit worried about how OP felt.

The drink driving arrest is big and does have big consequences for him and OP. But, I wouldn't completely write off a relationship over it. It doesn't necessarily make him an awful person. We've all made really awful decisions when we're drunk. Its possible he was just keen to get home because he knew they had the Xmas Market trip planned. Also possible he tried to be careful (maybe had only one drink with meal ), but because of medication, it had way more of an affect than he thought.

JFC I hope you’re the only one. I’m not often speechless but…. words fail me here.