Partner not come home freaking out and angry

[annabel586]

My partner went for Christmas party with work last night, he was going to drive but called me about 7 saying he was getting a cab home at 10. He tried calling me twice about 9.30 but I was in the shower so missed the calls.

Been calling him back ever since and he's not answering at all- rings through to voicemail. This is VERY unlike him as he always keeps in touch and calls me back etc

I know it's only been a couple of hours but I'm going out of my mind with worry now. I'm so angry but upset as well, I would never do this.

She's a stranger to you so it's easy to advise...but not very mature.

Where did you get the idea OP gets on so well with her boyfriend’s mother? I can’t see any evidence of that.

You appear to have your own rather odd narrative on this thread.

@annabel586 I Hope you are relaxing and recovering from this horrible shock.

Yes...IF. Most of us are not perpetually sour about our mils you know.
I know that's very unmumsnet and boring but it's also true.
I'm assuming OP doesn't hate the woman so no need to block.

Cba to explain quite liking your mil and not being a childish arse any more. Ffs.

I have an adult son and get in great with his girlfriend. Under the circumstances I would send her a message of support. Would completely understand if she chose not to reply.

@Parker231

You would honestly ignore your long term partner, with potentially previously great character, who has never shown any inkling of this, and not find out what had happened and why?

Aren't you a peach.

@Parker231

Can't edit on my iPhone

Based on OP only knowing at this stage that partner arrested for drunk driving and absolutely no other detail.

What an idiot!

Hope you don’t go back to him OP. You sound very young, you can do so much better

Agree.

I would be terribly upset, worried and appalled.

I have both sons driving here and they know not to ever get into a car with anyone with a drink, not to mind touching one themselves when driving.

They hang around with pals who definitely enjoy their pints, as do they, but thank god they are a crowd that do accept a set of car keys as a total non negotiable.

In fact one of my sons often drives when meeting friends as it gives him a total out, the only thing that does when he cant face another late night.

I appreciate it might be from shock from the mother, but still I think her text is very unwise.

Drunk driving is such a devastating crime.

My cousin was killed 40 years ago at 21, metres from his home having just left his friends in a taxi after a night out. He was left for dead and the driver never found.
He was the baby of the family, and was found by an early walker on a Sunday morning.
It completely broke his parents hearts.

That is not an unusual story.
Drunken drivers absolutely devastates families.

Sorry for making the massive assumption that this guy had just fallen asleep. Just goes to show that whilst this is often the outcome, it isn't always.

Hope you've had an ok day OP you didn't ask for any of this.

What circumstances are there that cause someone so drunk they are slurring their words, to get behind the wheel of a car?

i'm with Parker321 - what else is there to know? Someone held a knife to him and demanded he drive to a cashpoint? Seems unlikely.

Hope your ok OP.

do what you want to do , personally I’d not divorce my husband for making a stupid fucking moronic decision. IF he was a decent person/husband/dad whatever.

so many people on here are with angels who would never cheat … smoke … watch porn, make shit decisions blah de blah apparently.

Clear your head have a good think and don’t be influenced by bored people on MN xx (Like me) xxxx

Hi OP, we needed to delete your thread as we had an influx of trolls who were posting on it. We've now dealt with them and the posts, so we've reopened it again. Really sorry about it!

Glad that this has been re-opened.

Hope you're okay, OP.

Not.Good.Advice.From.Pictoosh.

A drunk driver robbed three very young children (one only a baby of about 7 months old) of their mother days before Christmas. It happened down the road from me. Those poor children will always remember Christmas for the wrong reasons.

I think all drunk drivers should see the destruction that their actions could have, spend time with the families their selfishness destroys. Maybe then they'd think twice about getting behind the wheel of a car.

But would you guilt-trip his partner?

Drink drivers are so, so fucking selfish.

My life was ruined for quite a few years by one and the consequences are lifelong for me.

I couldn't be with someone who did something so selfish.

I'm sorry OP, what a horrible situation for you all round.

I’m glad your parents are looking after you OP

This. Stay with those who love you the most - your parents sound wonderful. Don’t be guilt-tripped; take your time to work out what’s best for you, and your future - you don’t owe anyone any support, and the choice between fresh starts and moral high ground is yours to take. My only advice would be to put yourself first, and remember that in this situation (and whatever ensues from it), your DP is not, and can never be, the victim. He caused this, and you get to choose the part you play in the future he has created for himself. Be kind to yourself, and good luck.

Was there anyone in the other car?

OP I went through this exact, and I mean EXACT, situation 3 years ago with my partner, ending in a phone call at 3am saying he had been arrested for drink driving, also completely out of character for him. I still feel sick remembering how I felt waiting for him to come home and seeing that my phone was ringing, I honestly thought someone was going to tell me he was dead.

We are still together and he hasn't touched a drop of alcohol since and is seeing psychologist for serious underlying problems. I thought it would be a deal breaker for me and it was certainly the lowest point of our 10 year relationship, but we are through it.

Feel free to PM me x

This is one of the clearest, most helpful (to the OP) messages on here.

Has he been released ? Hope you had a nice night with parents

Was not expecting that outcome OP. I hope @Fluffygreyjumper can help you make sense of things if you want to work things out with DH. I'm sure you'll be livid for days for now.