To think it's ridiculous how obsessed with a babies gender/sex ppl still seemingly are?

[Socksforxmas]

I have my 20wk scan in a couple of days and will be finding out the sex if they're able to tell. DH and I already have twin boys aged 3 and know this will be our last baby. It might be silly on my end to be surprised by this but a shocking amount of ppl in my life seem to assume that I'm desperate for a girl and would be deeply saddened by another boy.

I know that every now and again some 'gender disappointment' threads pop up but i had assumed that overall ppl had come to the realization that it really doesn't matter much. I'm not going to raise them any differently or push any sort of gendered nonsense on them. I don't really understand what it'd be getting from one and not the other. Ultimately it's a baby. As long as its not a puppy or anything like that I'm happy.

A lot of the comments have been fairly innocent 'bet you want a wee girl this time' but some have been more (paraphrasing here) "oh God I bet you'll just die if they tell you it's another boy! I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

Idk. I just really don't care either way and am surprised by the amount of comments I've received from family and friends about it. Anyone else experience similar?

Yep. We had 2 girls and when I was pregnant with #3 I got a lot of 'bet you're hoping for a boy'. We weren't, and she wasn't but people say dumb shit regardless

Yes, I agree. I have 2 boys and I lost count of the amount of times I got an almost sympathetic look when someone found out I wasn't having a girl when I was pregnant the second time. Numerous people have asked if I am going to try again for a girl even though I have clearly said we are more than happy with our two

I have 1 girl and 1 boy and the number of people who congratulated me on one of each was unreal. The thing is I actually wanted a second girl because I got very hung up on same sex siblings having a better bond. And also because we lived in a 2 bed house and i didn’t want to move. Wouldn’t change my little boy now for anything but it’s funny how people make assumptions and assume you want their idea of a perfect family.

Whilst I get what you're saying there are sex differences in patterns of relationships and family dynamics, so it isn't the same having girls and boys. Have a search on Google scholar if you're interested.

I think that when babies are babies there is little else to focus on. I have to admit I did have a preference both times though.

I agree with you- we didn’t know either DS sex before birth but one or two hints about hoping for a girl were made - before I stamped on them very hard. I went in hard with no DC would ever be a disappointment and if I suspected a second boy would be a disappointment they wouldn’t be seeing him. With a smile but they got the message.

You need to understand that this came after years of both primary and secondary infertility and several miscarriages … Unbelievable.

I think there’s not much for some people to get interested in when it comes to babies as they don’t have much personality etc so focusing on the sex is what some do. Also there are superficial things that separate boys and girls immediately like clothing. For all the talk of clothing should just be clothing you don’t get many dressing their boys in pink dresses. I think when i announced I was having a second boy my mum was disappointed she can’t buy some girly clothes.

I don’t get gender disappointment but equally I’m not that bothered that some people focus on gender.

I think it is just one of those stupid things that people say to make small talk conversation, same as comments about when a couple might have a child, if they are planning to have another child…. Etc, etc. Ultimately they don’t care.

I think it is just pointless small talk, but a lot of people do have a preference for a whole host of reasons. And whilst you may raise them the same, I do think boys and girls are different and they will ultimately have different experiences in life.

I understand this - but also I grew up with two brothers and eight male cousins.

My home life was very, very different as a teenager to my friends who had sisters. Though I'm very close to my brothers, I longed for sisters.

Once the kids go through puberty it does make a big difference to the family dynamic.

As a result I've always wanted three girls. Only had one baby (DD) so far

I agree there are general differences even if they don’t apply to all individuals. But honestly family chemistry is far too complex, random and subject to life events to assume anything about your future family based solely on the sex of the children.

We have three boys and loads of
people asked me if I was hoping for a girl with the last. Even the midwife admitted after he was delivered that she was worried I’d be disappointed as we didn’t find out the sex beforehand!

I am 38 weeks pregnant with our second and don't know what we're having. Our first is a boy, but we didn't know he was until he was born. The number of people who cannot believe I don't find out the gender during pregnancy is unbelievable!

For us, we want healthy children. That actually isn't a given for us due to a genetic condition, so I appreciate we have had a whole different experience in trying for a family, but I always feel like people are blissful in their ignorance who don't have things like this to worry about, and therefore worry about gender. I, hand on heart, do not care what gender this baby is. I don't think people quite believe me when I say that, but at the same people very few people know the genetic issues we are dealing with.

I agree OP, what really does my head in are those gender reveal videos where Dads go absolutely mad if it’s a little girl. I find it so disturbing and I really hope those girls never see it one day

This makes me so sad for my daughter who has two brothers.

I thought I didn't care until DS3 was born. I definitely wanted a girl subconsciously and thought he would be. Had some pnd that didn't help. Obviously love the bones off his 6 foot self now.

Agreed, OP. I knew that I would only be having one child, but was completely gobsmacked by my two (normally sane and nice) SILs being virtually in tears condoling with me when we found out I was carrying a boy. I didn’t care at all either way, but they kept saying ‘Oh, I know — you’re being very brave about it!’ because they assumed I was grieving.

It turned out they’d both been obsessed with having a daughter and kept having babies till they ‘got their girl’. Which, unsurprisingly didn’t turn out to be the envisaged pink cloud of mini-me spa days or whatever. weirdly, I know now that one has a son and the other has two sons who wouldn’t exist if the second child in each case had been a girl.

People are quite mad.

I think it’s just small talk & if you know you’re happy with any, I would just ignore.

My preference was a girl & that’s what I got. Then I got “will you want a boy nect” but it didn’t bother me.

You say you don't get the obsession with it, but you're still finding out pre birth? Why, if it's so inconsequential?

My sister has three girls and we've just had a little boy. I had absolutely no gender preference but my family were horrific while I was pregnant. They would constantly say how much they would love a little nephew/ grandson, how amazing it will be, how if we had a boy it will be so special, having a boy would mean that I have something special as the first boy in the family
So much so I was actually relieved when he was a boy because I felt like he would have been a disappointment if he was a girl. I got really anxious about it and even said to family members "so you won't love the baby as much if it was girl"
The whole thing is utterly ridiculous to the point I was avoiding them.
I completely understand your frustration OP!

I’m one of 3 sisters and our whole family was deeply unhappy for a number of reasons. Objectively I would’ve much rather have grown up in a happy family with a couple of brothers. Focus on the day to day and how your family feels. Not what it is on paper xx

I can only speak for my own scans during my one pregnancy, but for various reasons I had an eighteen-week and a twenty-week scan, and the fact that DS was a boy was very, very obvious, even to my untrained eye.

Short of not looking at the scan image at all, I had no choice to not know the sex.

I’m also one of three sisters, but we also have a younger brother. It didn’t improve things. Way too much pressure on him, and highly gendered expectations about housework, university, driving lessons etc.

I have two DDs, and we 100% aren't having any more DC. I often get asked if I'll be "trying for a boy". 🙄

I've had 17 years of "2 boys? <awkward smile> so will you be trying again for a girl?"
Or "oh you poor thing" or "oh you'll be looking for a man that makes girls then"

No no and no. I love my boys. I love being single. If I had another child I want it to be healthy.