To think it's ridiculous how obsessed with a babies gender/sex ppl still seemingly are?

[Socksforxmas]

I have my 20wk scan in a couple of days and will be finding out the sex if they're able to tell. DH and I already have twin boys aged 3 and know this will be our last baby. It might be silly on my end to be surprised by this but a shocking amount of ppl in my life seem to assume that I'm desperate for a girl and would be deeply saddened by another boy.

I know that every now and again some 'gender disappointment' threads pop up but i had assumed that overall ppl had come to the realization that it really doesn't matter much. I'm not going to raise them any differently or push any sort of gendered nonsense on them. I don't really understand what it'd be getting from one and not the other. Ultimately it's a baby. As long as its not a puppy or anything like that I'm happy.

A lot of the comments have been fairly innocent 'bet you want a wee girl this time' but some have been more (paraphrasing here) "oh God I bet you'll just die if they tell you it's another boy! I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

Idk. I just really don't care either way and am surprised by the amount of comments I've received from family and friends about it. Anyone else experience similar?

Everything your saying is based on projection and not what I actually said. Youre making the assumption that because I will be using hand me downs instead of buying new dresses and skirts for my child that I must somehow be stripping her of her femininity which is frankly nonsense. Especially considering that I've already made it clear that the minute she wants 'girly' things she can have them.

It honestly seems more like you have a problem with women who don't prescribe to traditional feminine rules.

Not to mention that my decision is also largely based on being practical and frugal. If I don't have to buy an entirely new 'girly' wardrobe for a baby that will be growing quickly (as they do) then why would I? I'm hardly a rich woman.

Can you show me where I said this?

I said that I hate dresses and such for me, and that I'm using hand me downs because they're there. How does this translate to 'frowning upon' other people dressing their kids however they like?

If anyone could show me where I said this that would be great 😂

On these threads, why is it always the ones acknowledging gender differences who get accused of wanting to play dress up or wanting dollies?

There are clear differences between males and females. Even more so as the children reach the teenage years and adulthood. I think it’s far more bizarre to insist there is no difference whatsoever!

@Naptrappedmummy op didn't say anything like that...where did you pull that crap from?

It's terribly sad that you think not sticking a girl on a dress is so problematic in 2023

How about op does whatever she wants and if you like dresses and little girls so much you can get yourself a baby Annabelle or something?

@BOOMBAL there are differences between sexes but it has nothing to do with clothing.

You're allowed to point out the difference in adult men and women but the only thing I seem to be getting attacked for is the horrid crime of not putting my daughter in a dress.

Biological sex has nothing to do with fashion. Plain and simple.

@Socksforxmas I don’t care how people dress their children, to be honest.

This debates falls flat for me when people insist there is no difference in the sexes and having a preference is terrible. There clearly is a difference and to pretend otherwise is disingenuous.

Sigh. Because they don’t seem to be making the connection between their own entrenched ideas about gender and the fact that they are likely to be teaching these to their children.

Hence it’s hardly surprising that a dimwitted ‘girlmom’ whose idea of a good time is ‘girly’ spa days and clothes shopping is likely to end up parenting a mini-me who wants a ‘pamper day’ for her fifth birthday party, while leaving her son to engage in football, grunting and roughhousing with his father.

@Socksforxmas … though I do find it a little surprising that you wouldn’t want to buy anything gendered whatsoever for your baby. But horses for courses. Not my baby, not my business.

They brought it up. Thread was fine with lots of differing but respectful opinions until op said she wouldn't be buying dresses for her newborn and all hell broke loose from the people who seem to think that clothing and sex are related in some grand and important way.

@BeardedIrises Yes, everyone is clearly sexist. The reason why girls (by and large) are closer to their mothers in adulthood than sons has nothing to do with their sex whatsoever... it’s all just gender stereotyping.

But so many posts on here are by women whose mums wanted them to do those things but they don’t and have followed their own paths.

The thing is I didn't say this? I said that I don't see the difference in a baby which I think is pretty fair. Obviously with teens and up sex matters but apparently I would be denying my daughter her femininity if I don't dress her in 'girly' clothes since birth. This is the only thing I've took issue with as I just think it's a ridiculous take.

And like I said on another post I'm sure I'm going to get lots of 'girly' things as gifts anyway. And frugality and practicality inspires a big part of my decision to just use hand me downs...

@Socksforxmas I know you didn’t, I’m referring to other posters who were insisting there is no difference between boys and girls. I’d even argue there are differences pre-puberty. It does become more obvious once they are older though.

I can understand that.

I have a sister and despite us having shared biological experiences and being close in age, we've never talked about women's health and it was still a very private thing when we were growing up. We aren't close at all so I would never tell her about any issues with sexism in the workplace, she's also a SAHM and believes that all women should be SAHM's so you can imagine how well that would go down.

We are just incredibly different people and if we weren't sisters, I doubt we would even talk to each other.

We live in an incredibly sexist society, of course that is going to have a big influence.

Studies have shown that people play with babies differently based on their sex. It starts from an incredibly young age and it's so ingrained, people don't even know they are doing it most of the time.

Have twins - DS and DD - they wore whichever babygro I picked up first - sometimes DS wore pink and DD green and other days they both wore lilac. They just wore baby clothes - kept them in babygros until they were about nine months as it made the morning rush to nursery easier and they looked so cute!
Once they were walking they lived in dungarees of whatever colours came in a multiple pack.

What clear difference (other than genitals) are there in pre-pubescent children?

My brother insists there are differences and that I just don't understand them because I only have boys. The only difference between his children is that his son is always told he can't play with dolls/ toy kitchen etc because it's for girls. And the girls have been told they aren't allowed to do rugby because they are girls.

I think gender/sex differences are mainly nurture not nature. My own sons like mainly traditional female stuff (dance and theatre more than football and golf for eg) But they were raised mainly by me and my mum. Mind you none of the men in my immediate family like sports particularly so even more male influence might not have made a difference.

We've got a daughter and are on the fence about having another one. Whenever we discuss it with friends/family, DH gets asked 'but don't you want a son?' And seem surprised that he isn't desperate for one.

You can't choose the sex of your baby so there will be some disappointment.....

I think people are just saying their thoughts.

My neighbours have all had boys.... 8 in total! Of course im going to mention something about their boys.

It's probably already been said because I haven't rtft but they are just making small talk because nobody, absolutely nobody, cares about your scan, your pregnancy or the sex if your baby.

You tell them you're pregnant, or about your scan, and they feel that they have to say something but don't know what.

My natural response would be 'oh' but I always feel like I've got to seem interested. Give us a list of polite responses and I'll adopt one.

Interestly enough I have 2 daughters and nobody every felt sorry for me not having a boy. In fact a lot of ppl thought I'd be really pleased to have only girls. My partners the one taking all the unwanted comments sighs

And for what it's worth op the dresses and tights went out the window with my second. Very annoying compared to good ol trousers. Suppose that makes me the worst kind of specimen huh?

Definitely some on this thread who would do better sticking with their baby dolls and Barbies 😛

Gender and sex or two different things....

Moving back to OP's first post, a lot of this just comes under the heading of Stuff People Say Without Thinking - you seem to have had some extreme versions, but mostly people just want to make some comment & don't think too deeply.

Most people don't actually think there's anything terrible about having children of the same sex. There are casual passing thoughts of not having a daughter to share certain experiences with etc - a lot of it is based on what the person themselves has experienced - I have girls & boys, and so find it hard to imagine not having both.

When mine were little, I had 'enjoy them!' said to me many many times (often in a day), usually by older women, with a clutch of my elbow. It used to drive me crazy (tho I didn't let it show) as I'd maybe have been up half the night or wrestled a toddler, preschooler & newborn out the door for 830... now mine are all nearly teens, I can see why they say it - those early years seem like centuries, but when you get to this stage you realise how quickly the years go by & how little time where they have that utter dependence & connection with you remains. I don't say it but sometimes think it when I see a mum with an adorable baby or toddler.

Great post!

@Terfosaurus I don’t know anyone who has told their child they can’t play with ‘x’ because of their sex. In fact, the person I know who has tried to persuade her boys (she has 3) to play with dolls, kitchens etc. has been unsuccessful. They’ve all naturally gravitated towards cars and trucks.

FWIW, my mum and sister aren’t particularly girly, but I am super stereotypically girly. That wasn’t encouraged by my mum or sister, at all. I have a close relationship with them due to shared interests and the shared female experience (periods, pregnancy, childbirth and rearing, relationships), which is not something males can understand the same.