To think it's ridiculous how obsessed with a babies gender/sex ppl still seemingly are?

[Socksforxmas]

I have my 20wk scan in a couple of days and will be finding out the sex if they're able to tell. DH and I already have twin boys aged 3 and know this will be our last baby. It might be silly on my end to be surprised by this but a shocking amount of ppl in my life seem to assume that I'm desperate for a girl and would be deeply saddened by another boy.

I know that every now and again some 'gender disappointment' threads pop up but i had assumed that overall ppl had come to the realization that it really doesn't matter much. I'm not going to raise them any differently or push any sort of gendered nonsense on them. I don't really understand what it'd be getting from one and not the other. Ultimately it's a baby. As long as its not a puppy or anything like that I'm happy.

A lot of the comments have been fairly innocent 'bet you want a wee girl this time' but some have been more (paraphrasing here) "oh God I bet you'll just die if they tell you it's another boy! I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

Idk. I just really don't care either way and am surprised by the amount of comments I've received from family and friends about it. Anyone else experience similar?

Your sample size of one girl and one boy really doesn’t give you a credible base for generalising about ‘differences in nature’.

Especially as you are presumably passing onto both children your own entrenched views about gendered activities.

I know plenty of people who did have a third child to hopefully get one of the opposite sex as they already had two boys or two girls. Some people do want to do that.

It's sex by the way, not gender.

I think activities that are traditionally seen as ‘girly’ tend to be given short shrift on here with posters eager to point out their daughters would rather <insert Enid Blyton like plot> than go to a spa or have her nails done. And it’s a shame as those activities are no more inherently virtuous than a ‘boyish’ pursuit such as fishing or football or something.

I love a trip to the hair salon and I love a girly lunch with friends. Anyone who thinks I’m some sort of vacuous idiot for that reason should have seen me swim in the open seas or ride a temperamental horse - I don’t think either of those activities are particularly tied to one sex but they aren’t for the faint hearted.

I have a boy and a girl. I did want to have at least one daughter for reasons that are perhaps too visceral and deep to put into words. If I had two boys both would be loved and cherished every bit as much as my boy and girl are. I don’t think anything else matters.

Yes I had a boy and then twins, everyone felt I should want two girls. I was actually thinking boys would be more practical (sharing rooms, passing down clothes, more likely to want to do similar hobbies). Actually I had b/g which is the most unpractical but wouldn't have it any other way now they're here.To me it didn't matter what I had (it took 7 rounds of fertility treatment and years of trying to have dc) but others felt 2 girls were what I 'needed'.

Now I think about it it’s usually people who are vehement about not caring what the sex is that do care the most, underneath. I’ve seen a lot of boy/girl mums on Insta say how they don’t care what their next baby is, how they would actually love 3 girls/boys. But when they actually do have a baby of the other sex they go wild and there’s a lot of ‘can’t believe I got my girl/boy’ captions, along with photos of the baby dressed to the nines in very girly/boyish clothing. The other kids hardly feature anymore.

I agree - but there's also something to having a shared biological experience I think.

My periods have always been difficult and it was something that made me different from my brothers growing up - when I went to a friend's house with three sisters, periods/women's health felt like the most natural thing in the world - their entire airing cupboard was stuffed with sanitary pads etc.

Now I've had a baby I really do feel like I have another shared experience with my mum that makes me feel closer to her/understand her more.

I've also experienced lots of sexism in the workplace - whenever I tell my brothers they're just gobsmacked people have said/acted like that to me, because they've never experienced anything remotely similar.

Those are the main things, off the top of my head. I think if I had a sister she'd probably have experienced similar things (maybe not childbirth etc, but the others)

@BeardedIrises I was speaking both through my own experiences and the experiences of those around me. Most of my friends and family have found that their boy/girl children have different natures, different play styles, different personalities. Not just attributable to being individuals, but also due to their differing sexes.

I think people who blame societal gender stereotypes, or parental ‘entrenched gender’ views are being disingenuous. There have been numerous studies that have shown, given an option, infant girls and boys will gravitate towards different toys. Additionally, as boys and girls get older, boys tend to have a preference for maths and science based careers like engineering vs. women who prefer more caring roles like teaching or nursing. Females also, in general, make better caregivers. That is the case in societies where there is equality of opportunity, so it’s not as though girls and boys don’t have the same opportunities.

The thing about gifts is just one, small added thing that I included as a very minor reason why finding out might be nice for some people. Why ignore the actual reason that I detailed in my response?

Why choose to focus on this when I, and others on this thread, just gave you perfectly valid, reasonable and serious reasons why it's beneficial for everyone involved to know?

I also don’t believe that everyone who I’ve ever discussed this topic with (family, friends and strangers) who states their boys are ‘much more active and rambunctious’ and their girls are ‘much quieter and considered in their play style’ are raging sexists or have entrenched gender views. These differences can be observed from being toddlers. It can be explained by testosterone / oestrogen.

When I was pregnant, so many people were astounded that I didn't want to know the sex of the baby.
My reasoning was that there was nothing I could do about it, and we didn't have a room for the baby (although I'm not a 'pink for girls, blue for boys' person).
Several people were quite pushy saying that if I didn't know, I couldn't stock up on baby clothes.

You're not wrong OP. People need to stop pretending that because they have an unhealthy obsession with a baby's genitals that this means everyone does.

Simple fact is that sex preference never comes from a healthy place. It's deeply troubling that anyone would care and their reasoning is always disturbed and creepy.

If you're already expressing disappointment in your unborn baby because they didn't have the correct genitals then you've already failed at the first hurdle of being a parent.

I have an older brother. I can say with hand on heart I never longed for a sister and still don’t. I may have been influenced by the fact I was horribly bullied by girls at primary school.

It's equally daft to say that it's just baby no difference doesn't influence gifts.

That baby grows to be a man or a woman. It's the long term maybe being thought of.

As for gifts well you have 2 boys. If you have a girl you won't buy her any new clothes she'll wear their hand me downs? You won't ever put her in a dress? There is a difference ...

They'll be getting hand me downs regardless of what sex they are. Most of my boys stuff is fairly neutral anyway so not a huge problem. If it's a girl and she wants dresses and skirts when she's old enough to have a say then sure but while it's completely my jurisdiction there won't be any. I can't stand wearing them myself.

@Goodornot

Exactly. To argue there is no difference in the sexes is frankly ridiculous.

@Socksforxmas Really OP? So you won’t buy any girl gendered clothes? Cute pink onesies or floral bits etc?

When I hear 'imagined future of shopping trips and spa days' it literally turns my stomach.
I hate shopping with a passion, I hate spa days (hate being touched by strangers), I love sport, I love outdoor activities, I would be outside from morning till night if I had the choice. My son's have just got into climbing, my greatest passion.

I have a fantastic relationship with my mum and we don't do any of that girly stuff you mention and I sometimes worry it disappoints her but I try to make it up to her in other ways.
Maybe it's lucky that I have boys, but I genuinely don't think those genders stereotypes are as rife as some would have us believe.

I admit I cried when I found out ds2 was a boy and not thr little girl I'd always dreamed of! However I soon got it over and genuinely wouldn't go back and change him! I love having two boys!

But I did get so many comments about "what a shame it's not a girl" or "you'll have to go for another".

What I have found annoying is a lot of people with one of each are very smug as if they had any say in it 🤣. One friend when revealing she was having a boy after already having a girl "I appreciate how lucky I am to have one of each".., to me sat there thinking "eh? I'm lucky to have my lovely little boys, they are amazing littlr humans!",

But why would you make that decision for a daughter? I live in dresses and hate trousers unless it's leggings for hiking.

I have very outdoor hobbies and happen to dress in a traditionally feminine way when not doing these hobbies.

Why would you dress your daughter in boys clothes because you don't like dresses or anything remotely traditionally feminine.

If there's no difference I trust your sons wear dresses and skirts. No? Then there is a difference.

God it's so weird.

...really.

Tbh if it is a girl I imagine a lot of family and friends will be jumping at the chance to buy that kind of stuff for me as gifts but I really don't care to myself when I already have perfectly good things from when my boys were little...

Tbf I never cared for dress up or dollies as a child so it's not a huge surprise to anyone that knows me that I just don't care about that aspect of having a baby. If the clothes are clean and warm then I'm all set.

So you just didn't read any of what I said then...?

As soon as she asks for dresses and 'girly' clothes she'll get them. I'll be happy to oblige.

But in the meantime I'll be using the perfectly good clothes I already have saved up from my boys, most of which is very neutral anyway. Not to mention I'm sure family and friends will be provide a lot of the girly stuff in the form of gifts anyway...

My son's have never asked to wear dresses, and I have never wished for them to so no they haven't. Again, if they wanted to I would oblige.

Doesn't basically everyone dress their children however they please until the kids are old enough to have their own opinions/sense of style?

I loved dollies and pink and dresses as a child. I still love dresses now. I also had whitewater kayaking as a hobby as a teen and young adult and frequently hike on all terrains in all weathers.

Wearing a dress doesn't make a girl into a simpering wreck. It doesn't make all girls love spa days- I hate them, never even done one.

Clothes don't make a personality. It's such an odd concept.

This thread is interesting to me - most posters are commenting on the differences between small children, but before puberty there's not v much difference IMO.

The experience of a man Vs a woman though in this world are v different - and that's what came into play with my gender preferences for my DC. I'm going to have adult children a lot longer than I have small children.

This thread is really showing up all of the people who clearly only had children because they didn't grow out of playing with baby dolls 🙄

Apparently op is the height of abusive for not dressing her potential daughter in a dress now. Good grief go to therapy.

This is where the argument falls down in my opinion. Op you say you hate girly items so must’ve dressed your sons in a fairly male gendered way. But you frown upon people doing the same with girls?

Doesn't basically everyone dress their children however they please until the kids are old enough to have their own opinions/sense of style?

Seems it’s only acceptable to do so if your style isn’t girly. Otherwise you’re accused of enforcing gender stereotypes. None of it makes sense!