To think it's ridiculous how obsessed with a babies gender/sex ppl still seemingly are?

[Socksforxmas]

I have my 20wk scan in a couple of days and will be finding out the sex if they're able to tell. DH and I already have twin boys aged 3 and know this will be our last baby. It might be silly on my end to be surprised by this but a shocking amount of ppl in my life seem to assume that I'm desperate for a girl and would be deeply saddened by another boy.

I know that every now and again some 'gender disappointment' threads pop up but i had assumed that overall ppl had come to the realization that it really doesn't matter much. I'm not going to raise them any differently or push any sort of gendered nonsense on them. I don't really understand what it'd be getting from one and not the other. Ultimately it's a baby. As long as its not a puppy or anything like that I'm happy.

A lot of the comments have been fairly innocent 'bet you want a wee girl this time' but some have been more (paraphrasing here) "oh God I bet you'll just die if they tell you it's another boy! I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

Idk. I just really don't care either way and am surprised by the amount of comments I've received from family and friends about it. Anyone else experience similar?

@DoggyDooDooDoo we didn't have a preference but found out the sex because we just wanted to know what he was. We wanted to be prepared and also we had a lot of additional scans due to complications so every scan experience was terrifying. So it actually made one of our scan experiences exciting rather than going in feeling anxious
People find out for lots of reasons it doesn't mean they have a preference. We've spoken about if we are lucky enough to have a second child that we wouldn't find out the next time just so we have a difference experience (not better, not worse, just different)

Dont be. I grew up only surrounded by boys, one brother and lots of male cousins. I love my cousins and my brother was gentle, caring, kind and adored me. We played for hours on end and barely ever argued as children. I still adore him now.
I never longed for a sister, still don't, in fact I find relationships with men easier to manage.

We had two girls before we had our boy/girl twins. The girls went down like a lead balloon as I'm really not girly at all (I was absolutely sure I'd just have boys), so everyone was praising the one and only boy. They were 10 weeks early and just recently looking back through the fb memories, mostly comments about the boy. The dd was the one that was super ill at birth, needed resuscitated etc, yet so many comments about her brother.

I have a boy and I'm pregnant with twin girls. So many comments aimed only towards me about how happy I must be to be having girls, imagine 3 boys etc.

It's irritating. I just always make it clear that I didn't have any preferences, some people insist that everyone has a preference. 🙄No, not everyone.

I think a lot of people feel like you do. In most cases it’s no biggie. But the people who are very opinionated about it make more noise.

I have three boys and I've never really had any of this - or at least not to such a degree that I found it annoying. I've found it a doddle really, not sure what awful things are meant to happen with three boys but I seem to have dodged it.

@MsCactus I have younger sisters and growing up I always wished I had older brothers. Mainly because I thought they would beat up anyone who was mean to me and that if I was the only girl my dad would call me princess! Now I'm grown up I appreciate my sisters more and the age gaps between us seems a lot smaller now.

OP, I have 5 dc, all boys. Although my youngest is 9, so many people tell me to "keep trying, you'll get your girl one day". I had 5 dc because I wanted children and when I had the dc I wanted I stopped. I didn't have the urge to keep having babies until I had a girl.

@DoggyDooDooDoo I didn't want to know the sex of my twins but ultimately ended up needing several additional scans due to numerous scares and little problematic things that were coming up. It ended up getting annoying trying to avoid seeing anything that would give it away to the point that I just asked that they tell me so I could actually look at the monitors when I attended hospital.

It's already looking like this pregnancy might be a difficult one again so Im mostly finding out to avoid the hassle of last time. There's also a few little benefits that appeal to us like just focusing on one name instead of thinking of one for both sexes, being able to tell family so they can plan gifts etc

Don't be! I'm very close with my brothers - one benefit of having brothers is I also have tons of male friends as an adult, which I'm sure is partly because I grew up with so many boys and am very comfortable chatting with the opposite gender.

But there are differences to your family dynamic depending on the sex of siblings/kids etc I would say, so I understand why people have a preference

I would never find out so it is not important to me, you want to find out but then have an issue with other people?

We did not need to know what our child was because they are who they are and even if I had 10 it would change that

Mind you I would assume people are making conversation, if people don't ask questions they are accused of not caring or not being interested

I just explained in another post on this thread why we're finding out. Long story short, this pregnancy is likely to be another difficult one with numerous scans ahead of me and I'm not spending another pregnancy trying to not look at the monitor and not getting to see certain scan pics in case I figure out the sex. It's just less hassle to know when the pregnancy is a difficult one.

Totally agree with this. 3 boys here, although I did get some comments. People often sigh or look sympathetic when I say I have 3 boys. They are just kids, they are delightful actually, what exactly am I meant to dislike about them?!
I look at my littlest one who people REALLY seemed to think I wanted to be a girl, and god I love him, I wouldn't change a hair on that little head. When they are all together giggling or messing around, I count myself very lucky.

@WandaWonder she just answered that in response in to someone else

I definitely wanted a girl after two boys and don’t apologise for that. No I didn’t raise her any differently but it has been a different experience, but then my two boys are very different. I’m very close to my adult son so I’m not too worried about the whole a son’s your son until he finds a wife. I don’t see what’s wrong with wanting a certain sex, you’re still going to love and care for that child. I don’t know why people can’t understand that some people do want a certain gender and they are allowed to feel disappointment

You cannot control your mind, the heart wants what it wants. I really wanted to experience raising both, I wanted to understand the opposite sex better. But at the end of the day we all know what truly matters is that baby arrives healthy and well. I don’t judge people either way for their dreams and wishes - We all have our own.

What differences would you say?

I feel like the differences are more about personality rather than sex since different families with 2 boys or 2 girls or whatever it may be will have different dynamics too.

I've 4 children and the last 3 pregnancies people just assumed I wanted a boy I actually just wanted a healthy baby....baby number 4 is a boy and now I get "oh bet you glad you've got your boy know" or "you've finally got your mummy's boy"

YANBU! I find it totally surprising how much people care/expect me to care too! I’ve had no preference on either of my pregnancies but actually found myself thinking ‘shit! Is this something I should care about?’ recently! Such is the strength of other people’s’ opinions on the matter!

The more traditional someone is, the more they seem to care about a child’s sex in my experience. Maybe because it will shape their life more. I’m quite non traditional which is maybe why I don’t care!

As others say, there’s often not much to say pre 20 weeks so that’s the only real conversation starter!

My kids were born in the days when you only found out at birth what they were. I had a boy first then a girl, one of each like a lot of people did. Some friends had two of the same sex, but we all fell in love with our babies straight away because they were our babies.

I'm not criticizing people for having preferences. If someone wants 10 kids and wants them all to be girls then that's fine. My aggravation is more with ppl who want to push their preferences on other ppl. The whole attitude of "I would hate having 3 boys ugh you must be dreading it" when in reality I couldn't care less.

Having preferences is fine, natural even, but acting as if having only boys is some great tragedy is just odd behavior to me.

The latest comment was that I'm apparently 'brave' for even risking three boys 😂I just don't think it's bravery to not give a toss about my unborn childs genitals 😂

I think raising boys & raising girls are different experiences.

people can deny it all they like but boys & girls are different.

its perfectly fine to have a preference, for whatever reason. So long as they're loved if they're the not preferential sex.

@Socksforxmas

i hope this pregnancy goes well for you 😍

When someone is pregnant you have to say something. You can't just say 'oh, that's nice.' You feel like you have to say more. So people say 'oooh, I wonder will it be a girl/boy'. They aren't wondering if it will be a girl/boy. They are trying to be politely interested.
As for congratulating people who have 1 of each. People say 'oh lovely, 1 of each / 2 girls / 2 boys.' They insert whatever combination you now have.

It's shocking and highly thick of people not to realise that's as long as the baby is healthy and well it dosent matter.
It says alot about people who don't realise this. Thick or what. Laugh at them and pity them.

I think it’s a sort of auto-witter like talking about the weather. I think pregnancy is a weird one because it’s big news but there’s nothing to say about it really so people cast around for conv. I don’t think they really care.