To think it's ridiculous how obsessed with a babies gender/sex ppl still seemingly are?

[Socksforxmas]

I have my 20wk scan in a couple of days and will be finding out the sex if they're able to tell. DH and I already have twin boys aged 3 and know this will be our last baby. It might be silly on my end to be surprised by this but a shocking amount of ppl in my life seem to assume that I'm desperate for a girl and would be deeply saddened by another boy.

I know that every now and again some 'gender disappointment' threads pop up but i had assumed that overall ppl had come to the realization that it really doesn't matter much. I'm not going to raise them any differently or push any sort of gendered nonsense on them. I don't really understand what it'd be getting from one and not the other. Ultimately it's a baby. As long as its not a puppy or anything like that I'm happy.

A lot of the comments have been fairly innocent 'bet you want a wee girl this time' but some have been more (paraphrasing here) "oh God I bet you'll just die if they tell you it's another boy! I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

Idk. I just really don't care either way and am surprised by the amount of comments I've received from family and friends about it. Anyone else experience similar?

Yeah I agree.

When pregnant with my second DC everyone would say "oh i bet you're hoping for a boy now" no. I wasn't. Was thrilled that we were having another girl 🥰 wouldn't have it any other way.

It's the same with the babies weight and if you're FF or EBF. Don't see why it affects others.

Well obviously, I didn’t say I wanted a girl over health

I already had 2 boys when I fell pregnant with twin boys and found it incredible how many people felt confident enough to be ‘sympathetic’ even though I was personally thrilled to bits! It seemed very few people understood that I just wanted healthy babies, their sex was unimportant. That said, I don’t think there was malice behind it, they were just conversing and I quite enjoyed putting them straight! By the time I had my DD years later, they were cooing over how I had finally got my girl which was pretty funny because we had thought she was a boy, were super happy with that and had a name picked out too.
Small talk is often weird, as OP is a twin mum I’m sure she’s experienced the total invasion of privacy involved with twins - are they identical? ”no” oh so which one is the girl? “they’re both boys” are you sure? “Um, yes, quite sure” well they don’t look identical to me “they’re not identical” so one of them must be a girl!?!? It might have been funny the first few times but it happened so often in the first year that I felt like carrying a printed information sheet about twins! People can be very silly.

It would be better that no one was told at the scans. Other than a very small number of medical conditions, no one needs to know until the birth.

I’ve seen threads where posters have said they need to know so that they can go shopping. Babies wear clothes - the colour is irrelevant!

Nobody but the parents and possibly the gps care, let alone are obsessed by, the sex of a baby.

When I had boy girl twins the amount of strangers who said i had hit the jackpot having one of each and would never have to do it again was really off putting. Not least because my twins came after years of multiple miscarriages ectopics and tens of thousands spent on IVF. Obviously they weren't to know that but I find it odd that people strive to "have one of each" I actually prefer it when you have siblings that are the same

This I would have loved a third (and probably a fourth too) I definitely decided head over heart. But the 2 comments that drove me made and still do now really 17 years later were " that's you done then" and " aren't you clever?" FFS. I am incredibly close to my DSis and woud have loved 2 of the same sex.

A baby's sex/gender. Not a babies.

Clothes are a big part of the whole gender nonsense though aren’t they? Social constructs built around sex stereotypes.

I suppose if someone’s asking about a baby’s gender you could have some fun with it though - tell them the baby is catgender or ambigender or any others from the various lists.

Absolutely. Why get hung up on it when it's so easy to change their sex now after they're born?

Your mistake was to assume that everyone thinks in the same way as you do. If you let go of that and accept that people will think in whichever sweet way they like, you'll find yourself less outraged by general life.

I appreciate this is a little unusual but we needed to know because as I said we were in a 2 bed house. If it was a second girl we would’ve stayed put but it was a boy. Our first child was due to start school the following year so we put wheels in motion to move immediately as we couldn’t afford a local 3 bed and knew a move would mean a change of school. We thought it would be better to move in time for her to start school than it would after a few years when she was settled somewhere then have to pull her out.

I kind of get why people want one of each. Best of both worlds, right?

I could have written this post a year ago! 3 year old twin boys, pregnant with 3rd. I actually got quite upset with the amount of comments I got, about how much I must be hoping for a girl. What’s wrong with my boys?? Actually we had decided to try for another baby not even considering what the sex might be, we just hoped for another healthy child. So yes mixed with my pregnancy hormones I did get quite upset, and thought, is everyone going to be disappointed for me now if I have a boy!? In the end I had a girl, and now of course get comments like ‘you’re done now of course’, ‘you’ve completed the set’ and even ‘thank goodness you had a girl, what a relief for you’. I’m sure these people must be projecting their own feelings here, because they aren’t mine!

Yes to the twin thing too, I’ve been asked several times by strangers if mine were conceived naturally!!

I had a boy first, then a daughter. I’m very pleased to have one of each. I have found there is a difference in the natures of the two, that’s not to do with upbringing, but personality / sex. Both are equally lovely, but there are differences, and I’m pleased to have got the chance to parent both.

Most of my friends who only have sons, have confessed to me privately that they wished they could have had a girl. Ditto for the men I know who only have daughters. I think it’s natural to want a child the same sex as yourself; it’s the imagined future of shopping trips, weddings, spa days, girly trips for women and football, pub trips, golf for men. Of course your child may not like those things, but there’s a good chance they might, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

If my daughter asked for girly shopping trips and spas, I'd think she'd been taken by the aliens. We prefer gym or watching the football with her brothers.

I think people just want something to say rather than being overly bothered about what you're having/ want to have

This.

"being able to tell family so they can plan gifts etc"

See this is what I just don't get. What would you possibly buy for a newborn baby girl that you wouldn't buy for a newborn baby boy?

I mean crack on, find out, don't find out, it's not really any of my business. But you've started a thread on MN bemoaning "other people's obsession with finding out" and then gone on to mention "planning gifts" as some sort of exceptional reason that makes it fine for you to find out but if other people do it's because they're "obsessed"

I honestly think that most people envisage girls to be easier, and also most women want what they feel they would be more familiar with.
I am one of three sisters, we have always been close and good friends to one another.
I don't feel l missed out by not having a brother because l often played outdoors with a big group of friendly boys.
I have since go on to have two sons who l couldn't love more or be more proud of.
Love is love at the end of the day. You fall in love with the little person you've created and the person they become. Gender is irrelevant.

My DH is the middle child of 2 boys and a younger girl. Constant comments about how in laws only had a third to complete the set, also comments when I had a girl about ‘oh it doesn’t matter what the second child is as you have ‘got your girl now’. Also comments from MIL (and SIL) about how girls are easier, boys are naughty, it’s easier with girls etc. this played out in the family as well, the younger girl is put on a pedestal and much closer to parents, and boys (even as adults) talk about when they were children they were a nightmare, little buggers, their poor mother etc…its all just 🤢 and now in adulthood the mother complains that the boys aren’t close enough the girl and she gets left out 🤷‍♀️😂

@TheRealProfessorYaffle

I do understand that. But if you are a woman who enjoys ‘girly’ activities, loves shopping, nails, spa days etc… are you more likely to have a girl who also enjoys these things, or a boy? Of course a girl might hate it and a boy might love it. But it’s just reality that it’s much more likely a girl would have a preference for ‘girly’ activities than a boy. In the same way, it’s much more likely that a boy would enjoy football or going to the pub or playing golf with their dad.

There are innate differences between boys and girls. I don't think it's a bad thing to prefer having both a son and daughter.
I have 3 boys, would have loved a girl, doesn't mean I'm disappointed with my boys.
If you genuinely don't care, good for you. But it doesn't make you better.

I would also say the age old adage of a ‘son is for life until he takes a wife’, can also sometimes ring true. I don’t know many adult sons who regularly ‘hang out’ with their mums. I do know plenty of daughters who do though. I spend far more time with my DPs mother than he does. He spends more time with this dad as they have similar interests.

Again, this isn’t the case with every family and every individual. But across the people I know, this is almost unanimously the case. The only sons who still ‘hang out’ with their mums regularly are those who don’t have serious partners or are still living at home.