To think it's ridiculous how obsessed with a babies gender/sex ppl still seemingly are?

[Socksforxmas]

I have my 20wk scan in a couple of days and will be finding out the sex if they're able to tell. DH and I already have twin boys aged 3 and know this will be our last baby. It might be silly on my end to be surprised by this but a shocking amount of ppl in my life seem to assume that I'm desperate for a girl and would be deeply saddened by another boy.

I know that every now and again some 'gender disappointment' threads pop up but i had assumed that overall ppl had come to the realization that it really doesn't matter much. I'm not going to raise them any differently or push any sort of gendered nonsense on them. I don't really understand what it'd be getting from one and not the other. Ultimately it's a baby. As long as its not a puppy or anything like that I'm happy.

A lot of the comments have been fairly innocent 'bet you want a wee girl this time' but some have been more (paraphrasing here) "oh God I bet you'll just die if they tell you it's another boy! I wouldn't be able to cope with that"

Idk. I just really don't care either way and am surprised by the amount of comments I've received from family and friends about it. Anyone else experience similar?

I'm not spending another pregnancy trying to not look at the monitor and not getting to see certain scan pics in case I figure out the sex. It's just less hassle to know when the pregnancy is a difficult one.

You could just not find out and still look at the monitor. Even if you think you see something, if you’re not trained you could be wrong. 🤷🏻‍♀️

When we already had a son and I was pregnant with our second, so many people said things like ‘I bet you’re hoping for a girl this time’. I didn’t realise it was a thing until then. Then not long after, I was out with my friend who had her toddler daughter and newborn daughter with her. One woman actually said ‘oh what a shame’ to her when she saw my friends second child in the pushchair was also a girl! 🤪 We both walked off laughing because it was just so fucking rude and shocking that someone would actually say that.

Anyway, my second was in fact a girl and then I got lots of ‘one of each, that’s the right way to do it’ sort of comments. If my son was with us he used to tell them that actually he had wanted a brother and then they didn’t know what to say. 😅

This baffles me. I have 2 daughters, wanted 2 daughters. Not once in 12 years of parenting has anyone ever commented on the sex of my kids

I'm nagging too friends for this info but it's so that i can give them lovely baby clothes for their baby's sex

Currently pregnant with number 3 here too, and I have two boys. Very early days but I'm expecting all the same comments! I'd love another boy. I'd like a girl too so either way,like you I don't care.

Also found I got a lot of sympathetic comments when I had 2 young boys close in age which I'm not sure girl mum's always get. Always feels like boys are seen as a consolation prize nowadays.

Wasn't it more important you had a baby born well and with no disabilities rather than a specific sex?😉😏

Obviously entirely anecdotal random story from a stranger on the internet but me and my brother are much closer than me and my sister are. There's so many factors at play with sibling relationships, I don't think sex comes into it much really.

@Icantthinkofarhyme I think the pitying looks when you have only girls are reserved for the dads.

My male other half was out with some colleagues recently and after a few drinks, all of the dads of girls ended up saying they’d have another baby without hesitation but only if they could guarantee a boy. Cue daft comments about being ‘outnumbered’ etc. I felt so cross when I heard this! Even though ‘they can’t help it’ yada yada, it’s so sexist!

For some reason society tends to assume people want to parent their own sex and some people buy into this.

Every single combination is a gift and has so many benefits - and downsides in your son’s case. 😁

We found out for practical reasons - DS desperately wanted a sister and we wanted to prepare him if it wasn't. This way we were able to prepare him for twin boys!! Perhaps OP wants to potentially throw away blue clothes from her boys or they want to prepare the kids or the family has a genetic condition that only affects girls or think knowing will help them bond. It doesn't mean she only wants it of its the right sex

I had singleton then twins. All boys. Twins are 3. I think you're brave for risking more twins 🫣🫣😂 . I said of wed had them first we'd have only have two!!

I agree. It usually seems to be someone desperate for a child the same sex as them (usually because they have 1 or more of the other sex) so they can do things with them they enjoy. But what if this little human, regardless of gender, doesn't like those same things? I always find it a bit sad that these kids might have all that weight of expectation on them.

@justabigdisco thsts because you’ve won the gender lottery 🙄. It’s mainly women who comment and almost always negatively about boys.

The term Smug Mothers of Girls is there for a reason 🙄.

I suspect a lot of it is just people trying to sound interested and scrambling around for something to say to appear polite. Generally speaking, no-one outside immediate family or close friends really give a toss about someone else's pregnancy, but it's polite to feign interest and say something, so they trot out the same old comments.

Agree OP it's sad and pathetic and what's worse is the smug people that say 'oh we have one of each so no need to try for another', how stupid they sound is unbelievable.

I also think it just shows how on the whole many parents are selfish because it's for their silly needs and wants why the gender would matter.

Reality is a girl probably wants sisters and a boy probably wants brothers so whose interest is it in really?

I have one little boy, who is wonderful. When I was pregnant I said I thought I might only have one child. Now that I have one, I'd like another because I'm enjoying motherhood but I've already had people thinking I only want another because I didn't get a girl. I have no preference and would be delighted with another little boy.

My SIL actually cried when I told her I was expecting a boy (my husband had two already and she had three). I just wanted a healthy baby. Mind you everyone (including me) was happy when my second was a girl!

I find it quite odd, given so many people (on MN) say they have a sibling for the sibling, it which case I would think you'd want them both to be the same sex as it's more likely they'll be friends

It’s a baby that will become a child then a teen and then an adult.

They do not stay small forever.

I agree OP, we shouldn’t care about gender. People have preferences or ideologies for many reasons. It could be upbringing, personal desire, fantasies, sometimes it’s trauma or opinion.

It’s an old fashioned way of thinking but the reality is we are still in a society that splits us up by gender.

Rude/weird comments aren't right, but surely the "interest" isn't such a mystery. It's an obvious question to ask about a baby, as you don't know anything else about them. Can't really ask what music they like or their opinion on politics.

Also, it isn't gendered nonsense to say that your sex is something that's defines your life. And it isn't about wearing pink or blue or what toys you play with, that obviously doesn't matter. But it will affect your life as an adult.

Hubby and I were never bothered by gender whatever we got we were over the moon. 2 boys and then twin girls. Hubby got pissed off at work colleagues when first was expected the amount that said bet your hoping for a boy and he was like I don't mind either way aslong as there healthy

We had identical twin girls & when I was pregnant with a singleton so so many people family & friends were convinced we wanted a boy . They really didn’t seem to believe us when we said we truly didn’t mind . We had another beautiful girl & our family is complete. Congratulations to you & hope everything goes well x

@Socksforxmas I had 3 boys and the bravest part is putting up with peoples condolences and 'what a shame it would have been lovely to get a little girl' comments. Then 2 mins after you have the baby you will get asked when are you trying again for a girl?
Takes a while for it to stop being annoying because 3 boys is amazing, and becomes quite funny that people still think it's hell whatever you say

I have four boys and I guess some people assumed we were trying for a girl but we weren't so their comments didn't bother me.

Mostly people are in awe and think it's amazing, how do I do it etc. I'll take it 😇 I mean at times it's busy but that's because there's four of them not because of their sex.

The word is sex.

You're probably correct but that won't change anything. I still hear people say daft things, like boys continuing the family name (as though the family concerned has an unusual name and is an old-established dynasty when they aren't).