Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

I do not think anyone here can help really - it all hinges on the test. What a worrying time for you. Even if the test is negative, you do need to seek medical advice.

You are doing the right thing getting a test, and once you have the answer knowledge is power.
In the unlikely event that you do have HIV, it is no longer the death sentence it was, medication can reduce virus to undetectable levels and people can live with it for decades.
Good luck.

It would be simpler and easier to go to doctors and not make the error again

Deep breath. You don't know anything yet.
Was he HIV positive?
When you get the test you can deal with the results.

HIV treatments are so different to what they were when we were young, now. Yes you'd be on meds for the rest of your life but you'd live as long as the rest of us, albeit with the need to disclose this information to new sexual partners.

He wasn't positive that I know of

It’s incredibly unlikely to be HIV. You are doing the right thing getting a test but really try not to worry. You should go to the gp though with any unexplained weight loss. There are countless things it could be all more likely than HIV (including worrying about HIV!)

More generally, you really shouldn’t be having unprotected sex and especially not as a herpes carrier.

I don't think there's much point in telling you you should have used protection as that ship has sailed. I hope everything is ok, but even if the test is negative for HIV (which odds are it will be), you will still need treatment for the genital herpes I assume.

Condoms every time unless you have both had the all clear from the sexual health clinic and you are using another form of contraception.

Best of luck.

How old are you OP? Any other symptoms or just the weight loss and herpes flair ups?
I hope it all goes well x

Try not to stress. It is incredibly unlikely to be HIV and even if it was, you can live a normal life after a diagnosis.

I do think it would be worth making an appointment with your doctor's whilst waiting for your blood test results. There's lots of things that could be causing your issues, I was run down and lost weight without trying, turned out I was just anemic. Best of luck!

She says 45 in the OP.

It's not like in the early 90s, a lot of people even if they are positive, have an undetectable viral load which I think means they can't pass it on through semen. I think your odds are good but do get the test (and a full STD screen) and hope you get the all clear.

You are doing the right thing getting the test. As someone upthread said, there are treatments available now which reduce the viral load and keep it at bay.
There could be many other reasons for the weight loss so that should be investigated.

@Cookerhood Completely missed that- thank you.

Fingers crossed for you op.

Call your local GUM clinic and ask to have an appointment with someone who deals with nervous patients. They will be incredibly supportive and kind if you're worried. They might have a chat on the phone. It might help you go through the test more easily.

Ejaculation makes no difference. But if you have herpes, why have unprotected sex? Did you tell the person?

It could be another autoimmune disease OP which in itself could make you lose weight. Try not to worry.

Surely condoms should always be used as you have genital herpes? According to a GP friend the virus can be active even when lesions are not present. Using condoms protects both you and your partner.
Good luck for this afternoon.

OK OP, relax - did you have flu-like symptoms after you slept with him?

Also, and we are talking worse case scenario - if it is HIV it won’t have been long enough to turn into AIDS yet. There have been SO many advances with HIV management in the last few decades that taking tablets will essentially stave off AIDS forever and you can live a perfectly normal life.

HIV is not common and it's not as easily transmitted as other STI's. Especially if he didn't ejaculate. Of course the risk is still there, it always is when you have unprotected sex but it's not likely at all.

Get tested and you'll feel better. I hope you get the results quickly - is it one of those ones where they can tell you there and then?

There are a million reasons that you might be getting more frequent herpes outbreaks and HIV is probably one of the least likely, but if you've had unprotected sex a few times with someone you were casually dating, you should still get tested - not just for HIV but also for chlamydia and syphilis.

I think the fact that you are so convinced you might have HIV that you are shaking with fear suggests a fairly significant anxiety problem that you might also want to seek treatment for. It's also interesting that you are so ultra-anxious now, but weren't worried at the time when you were having unprotected sex - particularly as you already had genital herpes, so are presumably aware of STI risks. Did you feel pressured into unprotected sex?

Yes it does. Semen can contain the virus. Isn’t this why transmission rates are worse for women and for people of any sex er, receiving anal sex? Because any minute cuts or tears could be sites where the virus contained in the semen could enter. More chance of transmission than if there’s no ejaculate present and it would be a case of blood from a tinh cut or tear getting into a tear or cut on the other person?

Thank you the kind reassurances. I do have health anxiety which I need to address. Incredibly stupid not to have used a condom, but it was a combination of me having disclosed about the Herpes, taking suppression treatment at the time and him not wanting to use a condom.

It's an odd conclusion to jump to, you lose weight and more frequent outbreaks and you assume HIV from someone you slept with a couple of times almost a year ago.

You're right to test but there are so many reasons I'd also get yourself a GP appointment to rule out lots of other and more likely things that can cause you to become run down.

As other posters have said even if in the worst case scenario ,you are HIV+ treatments has come on in leaps and bounds since the 80,s and 90,sit is no longer the death sentence it once was.