Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

That's not true at all. Semen and blood are the main routes of transmission for HIV. So if there was no semen that the odds are even lower (apparently it can lurk in pre-ejaculate but in much smaller quantities).

Honestly the only thing you should be doing is getting a full std screening from a clinic.

The chances of this being an STD are really quite low. OP is having a health issue that should be checked out by a GP, which should include an STD panel but should also include more tests e.g. blood counts.

He is probably going through the same stress having probably caught your herpes.

But what about syphilis, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, chlamydia, a superbug version of them, etc?

Your comments are helping me get through to this appointment today. I wasn't sure how I was going to get to it as I've been in the bathroom all morning with anxiety.
Yes there are many more explanations, my thyroid levels are on the overactive side, my Diabetes results are almost in the prediabetes range, I single handed my just moved house, work has been incredibly busy, I've cut out the junk from my diet (at loss), but I am convinced that it is HIV and my heart is continuously sinking and I'm having a constant low grade panic attack. (I do plan do seek help for this because it is hell on earth)

(I did clearly express condoms were my preference, on two occasions. Stupidest thing I've done was not be forceful about it.)

OP I have health anxiety too and those health campaigns in the eighties/ nineties were very effective!! I worried for ten years that I had HIV.

It’s actually not that easy to catch HIV through PIV sex and the chances would be minuscule if he didn’t ejaculate. Plus if he’s heterosexual it would be very unlikely that he’d have caught it in the first place.

Bingo OP!

In my previous message, guess what I was going to say? Another autoimmune disease like hyperthyroidism! But I chose to delete the hyperthyroidism bit because I didn't want you to be even more anxious.

So whether you have hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism anxiety is a very common symptom. VERY COMMON

Hyperthyroidism or an overactive thyroid can make you shed weight if T4 & T3 levels rise a bit high.

It can fluctuate even whilst treated.

This is FAR more likely to be the cause of your weight loss and more frequent herpes breakouts as your immune system is probably already always on high alert, even when your illness is less active.

If you can afford it, I would invest in a private Endocrinology appointment in the future at some point.

I think I’d prefer herpes over HIV but maybe that’s just me… Plus OP disclosed she had herpes before they had sex and he was still happy to proceed without a condom.

I doubt it’s HIV OP and I honestly wouldn’t have jumped to this conclusion if it were me. HIV is rare enough as it is but he didn’t even ejaculate so the chances are very slim. Most people with HIV now take tablets to suppress the virus load so it’s no longer present in semen/bodily fluids generally. You can live a totally normal life with HIV nowadays.

HIV results take months to come back so you're best off getting checked asap. Good luck c

😮😮

Months?!!

There’s about 2 cases a year of HIV transmission amongst heterosexual couples a year in the U.K.

In vaginal sex there is about a 1/3000 transmission rate per contact in one partner is positive.

If you did have HIV you can take medication to be ‘undetectable’ which means the virus just becomes dormant whilst you’re taking the medication. It doesn’t effect you and you can’t give it to any one.

You more than likely don’t have it, but you can get a test from boots for about £20 which is like a finger prick and a pregnancy test.

OP, if you don't feel able to be forceful about something as important as condoms (especially when you have health anxiety too) I'm a bit worried about your safety, in terms of dating etc. You sound really lovely, but perhaps a little bit vulnerable in terms of boundaries etc?

As others have said - I'm sure your weight loss and the herpes flare-ups (huge sympathy, by the way; I'm guessing that must be really sore and uncomfortable for you) are probably related to your thyroid issues etc and are definitely not HIV - but you will so feel so much more at ease once you've been tested so you're doing absolutely the correct thing.

If you're really struggling with your anxiety when you're actually at the clinic, do tell the nurse/doctor who sees you, as I'm sure they see plenty of very anxious/scared patients and will be able to help you through the appointment. Good luck and hope you feel a lot better afterwards.

Hi OP, I work in HIV and sexual health, so I wanted to come on and reassure you. What I suspect you are experiencing is being a bit run down - maybe because it's that time of year when all of our immune systems are run down, maybe because you are feeling anxious and stressed. It is very unlikely that you would acquire HIV even from an exposure to someone who is HIV+. These days nearly everyone is on treatment which makes it impossible for them to transmit HIV to their sexual partners. It's, of course, very unlikely that your partner had HIV anyway, as the prevalence is very low in the general population of heterosexual men (I'm making the assumption here that he would fit in that group, of course).

All that being said, it takes usually a decade on average or longer for most people to start to experience significant symptoms of HIV infection like weigh loss. Those images we see from the 80s of skeletal men very ill, those were not people who acquired HIV at that point in their lives, but people who had gotten HIV in the 70s. You would not experience that sort of symptom from getting HIV earlier in the year - even in the unlikely event that actually happened.

I would imagine you are just stressed, run down, maybe dealing with other health issues - or maybe just struggling with anxiety, which is causing your immune system to go haywire.

All that being said, HIV is a very manageable long term condition now. I have lots of people in my personal and professional lives who are living with HIV and have been, some of them, since the 80s or 90s. In fact, I was speaking with a friend yesterday who is a woman living HIV (she acquired HIV at birth from her mother, so has been living with HIV for 30 years now) and I was reflecting as we were talking that she probably does less to manage her HIV than I do to manage my health condition (I have a damaged pancreas). She take 1 tablet a day and sees her doctor twice a year for 20 minutes. I take 6+ tablets a day, plus vitamin supplements, and also see my doctor maybe 1-2 times a year. She probably has a more 'normal' life than I do (stigma aside) in terms of just dealing with health stuff day to day.

I mean, I don't think the two concerns are remotely equivalent, so this is a ridiculous thing to say. But FWIW The OP says she disclosed to him that she had herpes, and that she would prefer it if he used a condom, and he still said he didn't want to. So that's very much his problem and not hers.

Also, HIV results do not take months to come back. They usually come back within a few weeks (roughly 10 days), same as other STI results. There is a window period after infection (if someone is infected) where results may not be accurate because the infection is so new. If someone has a really recent exposure, we do test them and then advise them to test again in a few months just to double check that the earlier result was accurate. As the sex you are concerned about happened at the beginning of the year, all STI test results you'd receive now would be accurate and you wouldn't need to re-test. Hope this reassures you.

If you've cut junk out of your diet then that would explain the weight loss.

Rubbish. My lab can turn around the PCR and the antibody test same day, and most GUM clinics will use a lab with a 48 hour turnaround. She’ll have results by the middle of next week at the latest I’d have thought.

did you previously have genital herpes?

Either way not much to be done until you get tested, if you are in london there is place in dean st that does rapid testing with result in 2 hours.

ejaculation isn't the only way stds/stis can be transmitted, the can also come via pre-ejaculate, vaginal fluids. any condomless sex has the risk, regardless of ejaculation.

This is complete tosh

There is a saying about horses and zebras in medical diagnoses:

'when you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras’

It means that it is more likely to be something common than something uncommon.

HIV is a zebra now. Fewer and fewer people are diagnosed with it and those who are can still live long and happy lives.

There are many other things (horses) that are more likely to be the cause of your symptoms.

You may wish to talk to someone about why you have jumped to the worst case scenario so quickly, and why you are catastrophising to the point of shaking.

Wow I thought HIV results were instant these days. Hope you're okay OP. I ruined most of my 20s worrying about HIV because of a dodgy ex so I understand the anxiety x

You're 45, peri-menopause is definitely in play to some degree, and may be the reason for your increased anxiety.

All the very best to you op. In the very unlikely event you are HIV+ it really is a manageable condition now. I work with a man in his late 70s who is HIV+ and just takes his medication and gets on with his life. He is in far better health than I am in my 50s!!