Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

What? This is one of the most uneducated and idiotic comments I’ve read on this forum.

@Thedm It's definitely more transmissable that way as there's more risk of blood contact.

OP - I once went to get a test done years ago after sleeping with a couple of people (unprotected). The doctor turned around and said to me ' You have more chance of winning the lottery than having HIV'. After doing a ton of research, I realised he was right. The odds of contracting HIV are incredibly low especially with the information you have provided.

Firstly, the person in question would first need to have the disease to begin with, and even if they did, they most likely would already be on antiviral meds giving them an undetectable load meaning your chances are practically zero. Secondly, they did not ejaculate which lowers your risk even further (considerably, I would argue). Thirdly, HIV is NOT an easy thing to catch. It's not like Chlamydia which is easily passed on. And finally, even if, and that's a massive IF you do have it, it's just a virus. Honestly, it's not a death sentence anymore. I think even Dr Christian said he would rather have HIV than diabetes due to the advances in medicine.

It is indeed more likely to be passed via anal sex as this activity can cause a lot of tearing to the tissue.

'Anal sex is riskier than vaginal sex for HIV transmission' https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/overview/about-hiv-and-aids/how-is-hiv-transmitted/

Either way. OP would be unlucky to catch it in a few sessions. Which isn't to say people should have unprotected sex with new partners of course.

@Terrified12 Please let us know when you get the all clear. x

Please expect better for yourself. Do not have unprotected casual sex. The fact he was willing to do this is a red flag.

Does he know you well enough to trust your herpes was being suppressed by medication? To know if you had any other STIs? Do you know him well enough to know his STI profile or risks?

Of course ejaculation makes a difference - it's spread via semen.
Also using a condom does not affect the risk of passing on herpes. You should avoid sex during an outbreak that is all. Same as you shouldn't kiss someone if you have a cold sore.

Incredibly unlikely to be HIV and with just normal vaginal sex and no ejaculation inside, so so incredibly unlikely.
Worst case scenario, you have it, the treatments are so effective these days that you can live a normal life span and have a normal life! It is not the death sentence it once was.

This. You're as big a risk as he was - ALWAYS use condoms!

We teach this to 12 year olds, how come middle aged women are still not getting the message? FML.

Hiv spreads much more easily via anal sex. Hence why it's a disease of gay men. It's uncommon in straight people unless they are in a promiscuous culture.

Thank god for the voice of reason. Why do people with no knowledge bother to comment their made up rubbish?

Why would you presume that? Most people with herpes don't take medication for it.

Don't panic OP. In the very unlikely event you did contract HIV then you can live a normal life with medication. However I think this is very unlikely unless you have been told this man was HIV positive. Genital herpes can flare for so many reasons including stress or just having a cold! Stay calm, you've got this.

Because, @WillowCraft they just love to judge. @Bigroundpear's post was indeed a voice of reason and fact

@Terrified12 I had that exact same worry after one incident of unprotected sex as a 19 year old in the 80s. AIDS stuff was everywhere and I spent years worrying about it. Never told anyone and worried over anything that could possibly be a symptom. I did eventually confide in my GP and he told me not to get tested as it would affect future chances of getting a mortgage. That's what it was like then!
I eventually stopped stressing about it and settled down and hsd a family, although for a reason that I can't recall, in 2001 I rang a std line in a panic, and they reassured me that 15 or so years on it was highly unlikely i would be HIV positive.
After my marriage broke down some years after that I eventually had full STI screening and was clear on everything.

So I'm glad you have booked a test!
Pps are right in that treatment have come so far these days and it's not the death sentence it so sadly once was.

I’m sorry people are sticking the knife in when you’re at a low point OP, yes you should’ve used protection but it’s done now but unfortunately you get the MN posters who seem to enjoy feeling superior to others in their replies. All you can do now is learn from your mistake and be more forceful with future partners about condom use.

Best of luck for your test - as others have pointed out it’s not likely to be HIV but it’s a completely different disease these days. Go to your doctor regardless about your symptoms. Hope it all goes well and you get some answers/treatment soon.

@Skyecat it's nastier on the genitals because it recurs more frequently and studies have been done that show it is more severe (from the studies below)

Recurrence of genital herpes averages 0.33/month with HSV-2 disease, but only 0.02/month for HSV-1 genital disease

The findings suggest that the infection with genital HSV-1 is quite different than genital HSV-2, as it is substantially less severe both in terms of recurrences and shedding

From reading one of the OP's update. Why do you presume most people don't? Some statistical data I am not aware of or your personal experience?

I can completely understand that you're frightened. However, HIV isn't the life sentence it once was and with the correct drugs it can become non transmittable. Please try not to worry, there is so much support out there now x

Hi OP, this is your anxiety running wild. It’s is highly unlikely you have HIV- no reason to think this at all on the basis of the facts you have shared.

Also, in the exceptionally unlikely event you did happen to test positive, it’s worth remembering that HIV is not the terrifying disease it once was.

Treatments are excellent and, with treatment, people with HIV live full and perfectly healthy lives with undetectable amounts of virus in their blood.

Condoms don’t help not catch genital herpes as it’s skin to skin contact.

People are spouting all sorts of misinformation on this thread OP about genital herpes.

Herpes can take 10 years to show up.