Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

Glad to hear you are clear of the virus.

I think it is a bit ironic that you have a condition which can be spread by sexual contact but didn’t insist on using condoms to protect him, but are now ina bit of a flap in case he has a transmittable condition too. I know you said he didn’t want to use a condom, but quite honestly, you should have insisted , both to protect your self, and to protect him. I hope your test comes back clear, and I also hope you take more care of yourself in future encounters of the sexual kind.

@viques she had disclosed her herpes status, maybe you missed that bit.

She didn’t lie or omit anything or have sex without informing him.

So yes whilst she should have used a condom because it’s just the best option outside of a monogamous relationship, suggesting she absolutely has to use a condom because she has herpes, when she had fully disclosed her position to the other fully consenting adult, is just an underhand way for you to have a dig

Yes I saw that, and that he didn’t want to use a condom. But I think it is about responsibility. If someone got in your car and said they didn’t want to wear a seatbelt it is your responsibility ( legally as well) to say they have to, I am not having a dig btw , I am raising eyebrows at the irony.

I used to be a dental nurse, and we were always taught that if you got a needlestick injury with an HIV infected needle, there was a 1 in 300 chance you would contract HIV.

It's not a very robust virus, and it's not that easy to catch. Try not to worry too much, and get the test. If you don't want to go to the GP, go to the SH24 website who send STD test kits to you through the post, including finger prick blood test kits for HIV.

If against the odds you were to contract HIV, it is extremely likely that it would not shorten your life as there are very good drugs available to control it now.

No more unprotected sex though. Think about yourself and your kid.

https://sh24.org.uk/sti-test-kits

Actually it does, it's part of the risk assessment for PEPSE.
And please, you and others, please stop stigmatising herpes, it's not a dangerous or life threatening condition unless you are immunocompromised in which case it joins the long list of things that are dangerous in that case.
See herpes virus association UK
https://herpes.org.uk/ for good advice on this

@Pudmyboy well said!

Apologies

Happy to be corrected

OP disclosed, and he still didn't want to use a condom, so that's on him.

Oh, well that's OK then, as long as it's not life threatening (to the majority of people of course, sod the others), you go ahead and share the love.

How utterly irresponsible. No one should be knowingly spreading STDs. If you are having casual sex, bloody well wrap it up.

Great news you're negative :)

💔 oh, Dear! Holding you in light, OP.

I’m a little shocked that he chose to still have sex with you, even after you disclosed the herpes? And to suggest no condom? That’s bizarre, unless he is also sick?

Please know that you can live with that (Hiv) desease… it’s not a death sentence.

Well most people with genital herpes in the UK are doing precisely nothing to prevent spreading it… because they’re not aware they have it.

Since OP is in the small minority of herpes carriers who are aware of their condition, she will be aware of when she is showing symptoms and has also said she was taking medication. The chances of her passing it on to this man are very tiny, even with no protection being used.

Most genital herpes is spread from those who are not aware they are carrying the virus, symptoms aren’t noticeable in most people and a ‘full STD’ screening from the NHS does not test for this. To be honest not many adults can really confidently say they absolutely don’t carry the virus, it’s extremely common and extremely undetected.

It looks like somewhere he manipulated you,by not using condom.

He is at risk too if you had herpes and vice versa.

Condoms are not sold without reason.

Go off sex for 6 months and test three times or more with your GP.

So many people have said on this thread now that herpes is often asymptotic, lots of people carry it without knowing. Condoms don't prevent transmission of herpes and herpes isn't included on the standard panel of STD tests. So a lot of people are putting themselves at risk of catching herpes when they have sex, even when they do wear a condom. Some of the people who are posting judgemental comments on this thread might have herpes without realising.

It's like people are just determined to post judgemental, uninformed comments for the sake of it.

I’m a little shocked that he chose to still have sex with you, even after you disclosed the herpes? And to suggest no condom? That’s bizarre, unless he is also sick?

Not bizarre at all, I have a close friend who was diagnosed with genital herpes in her late teens and she’s had no problems at all with dating and relationships over the years, as well as getting married and having kids. It has never been an issue.

I have oral herpes (cold sores), I’m very unlucky in that I can get frequent outbreaks and have needed to manage it with medication in certain periods of my life.I have always been open with partners about this and the importance of not kissing (or other contact) when I have a sore or can feel tingling/itching coming on. There is still a tiny risk of passing it on but nobody has rejected me because of it.

I am not judging anyone here.

Well, if you are open about it with your partner and take precautions when necessary, there’s no issue.

Sexual life not really affected.. I’m married and it’s just a case of avoiding kissing or contact if I have a cold sore (or the pre warning signs like tingling and itching on the lip)

Also there’s every chance my DH has the virus but just doesn’t have/can’t remember having symptoms ever, I think I read 75% of British adults have caught cold sores but most immune systems keep it in check. But obviously I prefer to stay safe just in case.

The issue I have is more image and self-esteem if I get a cold sore I’m very self-conscious as they’re not sightly. It knocks my confidence.

@OneTC my comment about the results taking months wasn't 'complete tosh'. When I was a dental nurse and we got a needle stick injury it would in fact take months to get our HIV results back. I didn't realise it was different now... was just speaking from my own experience.

It's quite possible I have the virus lying dormant. Been married to DH for 30 years and he gets cold sores. Not often. Probably fewer than 10 times in those past 3 decades. But it's very possible.
So to those who smugly assume they're fine and that those who have heroes are pariahs, well, you're silly and ill educated. And might even have herpes abd be spreading it without realising.
If you know you have herpes and know it you're a much safer bet!

As someone living with HIV, take one pill a day and have an undetectable viral load which means I cannot pass it on to any partners, I can confirm what has been said here. I mean, it’s not nice to get an HIV diagnosis and can be a shock and take time to come to terms with, but it’s not a death sentence and I continued to live my life as I did before

If you had a cold sore once on your mouth would you never kiss anyone again or always tell them you had a cold sore once before kissing them? It's the same virus!
Do you think people who have oral cold sores (ie herpes) should tell everyone they kiss or use a dental dam to kiss??

Bit confused by this post, have: need a blister that is no older 24-48 hours to do the test, yes you can pay privately for a blood test but why? Cannot emphasis enough: outbreaks last up to 5days and then resolve and it is not dangerous
With HIV, a negative blood test at 45 days is a100% reliable result