Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

Do you suffer from anxiety because this train of thought is going to extreme overdrive.

of course there’s always the chance that you can contract HIV from unprotected sex but to be honest statistically, it’s unlikely.

absolute worst case scenario you tested positive - you get treated. People with HIV have a full life expectancy these days.

I thinks it’s very unlikely you have HIV.

Hi OP, it doesn't sound at all like HIV. Still I would get a test and a blood panel. Good luck x

I stupidly had unprotected sec several time with someone I worked with. I found out a year later he had been HIV positive for years. I was angry but also owned up to it being as much my fault for not insisting on a condom.
I got tested and was negative
I can't tell you how relived I was. It was a miracle
I urge you to stay calm and wait for the rest

lots of nonsense on this thread.

1. genital herpes can be passed even when a condom is used - it affects skin around the genitals and this isn’t covered by a condom.
2. having said that, 80% of us have been exposed to genital herpes and majority of us don’t get symptoms. I feel for you OP with herpes, there is a stigma around it, but it’s so totally normal, lots of people have it.
3. the suppression therapy OP was taking at the time makes it far less likely she could have passed the herpes virus on
4. HIV tests can be immediate if you go to a GUM clinic
5. it is highly unlikely as a heterosexual woman to have caught HIV through PIV sex
6. if you have caught HIV and managed it well you would not be able to pass it on

to OP or anyone on this thread interest in HIV, I highly suggest you read the Partner study. This dispelled all my own worries about HIV. I personally have had sex with someone HIV positive. I felt totally safe using protection and knowing that person was undetectable therefore unable to give me the virus. I would rather date someone HIV positive than someone who was unkind towards others for having the misfortune of catching a STI. We sometimes forget we are mammals who can catch viruses from each other and that catching a virus has no bearing on our value as humans.

the only way to end stigma is through education

good luck with the test and hope you start getting things in perspective OP

Thank you 🙏 I do tend to catastrophise and it's has been worse recently so I think perimenopause is contributing. But I'm also paying privately for a test with results in 30mins, so it feels extra nerve wracking. I keep thinking about how I'm going to cope with DC after school etc. Realised I'm not in a state to drive, so taking a taxi.

If he wasn’t HIV positive it’s very very very unlikely you have contracted it.
I think you’re just spiralling! Deep breath. X

And in addition, @Bigroundpear , the herpes is likely to be exactly the same virus which causes coldsores. How many people who get coldsores alert people of the fact before kissing on the face? Wild stigmatising is what stops many from disclosing their status. Couple of very judgey and ill informed comments on this thread.

I know loads of people who get coldsores on their lips. Horrible things. My husband is one of them. Maybe he caught it years ago having oral sex. Maybe he caught it from an auntie giving him a kiss when he was a child. Who knows? I've never caught it from him though - and I could have done - either orally or genitally. Because the most common strain of herpes covers both bases so to speak.

I’m not a doctor but it’s my understanding that it’s more of a risk if the virus gets into the blood stream which is why drug users or people with cuts are more susceptible. It would be very unlikely in your case.

Ah OP I have health anxiety too and once I get something in my head then I get symptoms. Hopefully that’s the case for you

If you do have HIV it really isn’t the death sentence it used to be, modern medicine has advanced way beyond what was seen in the 80’s and 90’s. I work in drug recovery, there are clients with HIV who have managed to lead very normal and fulfilling lives. Sending love and hoping for the best

i have health anxiety so sympathise. You’re going to be fine. I would literally bet my house on it.

It helps me to go there and think the worst case through. The worst case is you have to take meds every day for the rest of your life. I have to do that every day for my health anxiety! but that’s not going to happen.

good for you for getting tested. Learn from this and move on.

You already take antivirals for your Herpes, I presume. So in the unlikely event you do have HIV, it will be another set of daily medication which similarly will keep your viral load down so that it doesn't progress. Weight loss can be a sign of many illnesses, some of them far more concerning than HIV. I don't want to add to your health anxiety but HIV tests wouldn't be my first port of call.

Great response @mindutopia 🙂

I have HSV2 (on my skin) and this year has been a nightmare for recurring episodes of it. Anything can cause that - changing hormones, stress, Covid. It's far more likely to be one of those. And even if it's HIV, it's totally treatable now, in fact more treatable than the HSV2 is

and genital herpes can be caused by HSV1 or 2. HSV1 is the more common herpes virus that a lot of people have. But if you're having a lot of recurring episodes genitally, it is more likely to be HSV2 which is the nastier one.

when I went to the doctor when mine was recurring a lot, the first thing they did was test for HIV so it's a sensible precaution. But as mentioned, HIV has had a lot more money poured into research and the treatment for it is excellent now.

good luck with your test

HIV is very different these days. I have a friend who's had it since she was a baby and you would have no idea - she has a brilliant happy successful life, she takes one tablet a day and it keeps her viral load undetectable and therefore untransmissable, she's in a relationship and is generally happy. Whatever happens you will be okay - you probably don't have it but if you do try not to panic and listen to the doctors as they know a lot more now. Wishing you luck.x

I'm a sexual health professional and I'm very glad to see the kind, sensible people have jumped into this thread, especially mindutopia, because there was quite a lot of pure nonsense being written.

Just want to agree that HIV is very, very, very unlikely in the situation you've described and even if the highly improbable event you've managed to contract it the treatment is brilliant and you'll be just fine.

You already have an STI but you still haven’t learned to use protection?

I very much hope that you don’t no have HIV, but no matter what the outcome, please please use this as the wake up you need to use protection.

It's unlikely you have HIV @Terrified12 unless you had violent bum sex. You only shagged him a few times. Good idea to get a test but try not to worry. xx

One tablet a day! Wow how far we've come. Brilliant.

only takes once! and you are completely wrong re your first comment.

The life expectancy of somebody with medicated HIV is the same as someone without HIV. If you do have it, which is unlikely, you'll just need to take a single pill everyday, that's all. Don't worry.

First of all, you have no idea if he was HIV positive.

Secondly, if he was HIV positive, there is a good chance he would be taking medication for it, which when used correctly would make him undetectable which means he would be unable to pass the virus to you.

Thirdly, if he was positive and not undetectable, the chances of you catching it are slim, it is harder than people realise to transmit and a very delicate virus.

Have you been worrying about this since January? The stress of it could well have caused the weight loss.

Go in, be strong and get the test, you will be fine.

@ToughTitty HSV2 on the genitals isn't any "nastier" than HSV1 on the face. Both, in their preferred locations, can be aggressive in terms of reoccurrences. But yes, genital HSV1 and facial HSV2 generally mean less reoccurrences.

As an aside, HSV1 now accounts for about 70% of all genital cases recorded by the NHS. OP did what she could and disclosed, but many people are clearly passing on facial infections during oral sex.

Just wanted to send my love. Hope you get a negative result x