Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

*hsv not have

@Pudmyboy quite. I know lots of people with cold sores (my DH among them). Do you think they all warn people they have the very same virus that can cause genital herpes before they kiss someone? No. Of course not. Because some estimates put about 80% of the population as having been infected (tho many will be dormant and therefore not have the foggiest).
Honestly, such alarmist, judgy ignorance on this the thread.

Hiv spreads much more easily via anal sex. Hence why it's a disease of gay men. It's uncommon in straight people unless they are in a promiscuous culture

@WillowCraft we need to get away from saying HIV is a gay men's disease. There might be ways that it is more easy contracted like MSM - also menopausal women where the vagina becomes thinner and more prone to microtears due to lack of estrogen, however anyone could potentially contract it.

Over 50% of people living with HIV worldwide are women. In the UK about one third are women

It's the same virus, it is still lethal to babies, if you have a flare up when upi are due, you will not vaginally deliver owing to this. Frankly you are really downplaying this, yes I'd be pissed off if someone gave me cold sores too, of course I bloody would. Plenty of people that get them manage to not go around sharing it, and with sex, protection is a really bloody simple way to do this. Stop sharing STDs.

Some good info there, thank you. I had no idea that more than 50% are women! And good to know re. menopause too.

@screwballs. I believe it is only dangerous to babies if you become infected during pregnancy. If you've had the virus for years then this isn't the case

Thank you OP for updating everyone and I hope you can access the therapy you are seeking.

Yes, if you’re infected already then your baby gets antibodies throughout pregnancy which gives them immunity.

The stories you hear about newborn babies getting kissed and becoming extremely ill, it will be because they’ve been carried by a mother with no antibodies then kissed by different family member with the virus after the birth.

If an expectant mother is known to have HSV she will be offered suppressive medication for the last trimester. A big risk is relatives with cold sores insisting on kissing the new baby, new babies have no immune response to this and other conditions.
If the mother already has HSV prior to delivery she can confer a degree of immunity to the newborn and a C-section is not the first option, see BASHH guidance on managing herpes in pregnancy which has a flow chart on Appendix 1

You're welcome - I was surprised too. Latest UK stats (2022) show that new diagnoses from women are on the rise whereas those from MSM are going down/plateauing, probably due to them taking PrEP to prevent contracting it.
The report states: "HIV testing levels among heterosexual men and women remained lower than those observed in 2019 and women were most likely to not be offered and to decline a test."

@HIVpos thank you - surprising and sad, it's so important for women to get tested.

Just a suggestion - and I realise potentially this is a sensitive topic, but if someone who is HIV positive might do an AMA type thread about their experience and the facts about HIV it could be potentially really helpful and enlightening.

I realise that people might find it uncomfortable, so would totally understand if nobody felt comfortable enough to do it.

Or maybe if a sexual health professional did an AMA on HIV that could be really enlightening.

One thing I have noticed is there is a lot of ignorance about the topic, so anything that helps us to learn could be useful.

Nothing you can do about it now. If its negative, please be careful in the future. If its positive, its not the end of the world.

My best friend has HIV. She contracted it from a guy she was sleeping with. He knew he had it and was sleeping with a LOT of girls around town. He ended up infecting 5 different girls with HIV before he was finally stopped. She is on medication and the levels are now undetectable, but she has medication for life, and has to inform all sexual partners which is not ideal at 30 years of age.

I didnt get HIV but I was very lax with my protection at a few stages in my life. I was lucky I lasted as long as I did without contracting anything. Over a year ago, I had the most horrendous stomach pain, bleeding and felt absolutely awful. I went to the GUM clinic and found out I had chylmydia and gonorrhea at the same time. In a couple of weeks this infection progressed to PID and it was absolutely horrendous. I had to WFH as the discharge/blood had an awful smell and I struggled with pain the entire day (not even painkillers helped).

I was lucky as it was treated early. Some dont even have symptoms. I knew a girl who had undiagnosed STI for many years and ended up infertile as they needed to remove her womb etc due to infection (which is a major operation).

It scared me so much, when I met my new partner, I demanded a condom and also demanded he get tested and show me the full results before I went unprotected again.

Please be safe, sexual health should be taken as seriously as any other type of health.

Thanks - I actually did an AMA a few years ago. In it is the link to my story shared following my diagnosis to raise awareness. I now volunteer in the sector for various charities including THT.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/3305732-Im-HIV-positive-AMA

As It's World AIDS Day in 3 days there will probably be a lot on social media - I'm seeing it already such as this by Sylvia Petretti (CEO of Positively UK) who I saw last weekend in London at Red Run (fundraiser run for charities) https://twitter.com/londonftci/status/1729138286629720424

Regarding knowledge there is currently an advert on Scottish TV showing real stories that the stigma experienced can be worse than the virus itself.
https://hivstigma.scot/film/

@HIVpos that is amazing, thank you for sharing! I had a look at your story thread - such a wealth of info thank you - and am yet to read the other ones but I promise to read them closely. You are so strong to share your story.

I live in hope that one day soon there will be a cure. With the rate of medicine as it is going, I hope it is not too long off.

Wishing you all the very best for the future and thank you for all the work you are doing on behalf of HIV. I would recommend everyone checks the links you provided out💐