Terrified of HIV, please help

[Terrified12]

I had unprotected sex with someone I was dating in January 2-3 times, however he didn't ejaculate inside me. I have since lost some weight and noticed that I am getting more frequent episodes of genital herpes and it just struck me that it could be due to HIV. I have a test booked for this afternoon, but I feel sick, I'm shaking, constantly feel like I'm going to be sick, can't concentrate on work. I'm 45 and a single mum. Somebody please help.

I have a health anxiety and have catastrophised about AIDS/HIV in the past so I totally understand how you feel. Chances are it'll be fine, it's not normally transmitted through ordinary PIV sex. You'll know soon. Stay calm, deep breaths.

Terrified12. I catastrophise too. So what were going to do, is tackle this slightly differently.
What's the worst thing you can think of right now? Positive HIV test?
OK, let's think if it were positive.
You're imagining life changing, early death, people thinking of you like some kind of leper I imagine.
Except none of those things are true. Maybe in the 90s, maybe in the early 00s.
Treatments for HIV have advanced so much within the past even 20 years, treatment means people with HIV aren't having any shorter life spans than a negative person. Many who are dealing with HIV actually say, I'd prefer HIV than diabetes. Taking the required medication means you're sorted.

There's no need to worry about infecting people, because medication now means that most HIV patients become undetectable. Undetectable = untransmittable has been a massive campaign over the past few years to end a lot of stigma.

Everything you fear about HIV is literally in the past.

I used to worry about HIV massively, but then I was educated on how far treatments have come, even people who had AIDS are recovering and living good, healthy, happy lives, with new partners.

Whatever that result says, your life isn't going to change too much.

I had a HIV test done in the mid-2000s & got the results back in 2 hours!
I'd gone to a clinic that a HIV+ friend went to - he was having regular blood tests checking his viral load - but anyone could get tested privately so I did.

Just wanted to offer some reassurance. I know someone who caught HIV about 15 years ago. It's not a death sentence. She lives a very normal and healthy life. All the best though OP, can imagine it's worrying as any diagnosis would be x

@Terrified12 - I think that, at this time of year, it is very easy to become run down - and if you are run down, that would explain why you are getting more bouts of genital herpes. I’d suggest you take a multivitamin and mineral supplement, and maybe a tonic too - and look at your diet, to make sure you are eating as healthily as possible.

Post in here after you know the results. You have a lot of people now praying for wellbeing!!!

HIV is very treatable nowadays. Even if you got it, which is unlikely, it can be treated. I was just talking to a lovely nurse about it a few days ago. She worked in a very impacted community during the 90s. The world has changed since then.

Weight loss and more outbreaks could both be attributed to stress, which is what you're experiencing in spades. Get some help with the anxiety.

And if a man doesn't want to wear a condom and you do, and he 'insists' in any way, shape or form, don't sleep with him. He's not a good man. And unlikely to be any good in the sack since he doesn't listen or consider his partner.

All the best.

I live in London so maybe it’s different, but it’s so easy to order these tests to your door for free and get the results back in a couple weeks…

Weight loss and extreme anxiety do go hand in hand with hyperthyroidism OP. I do understand your reasons though, and am wishing you all the best today. Please let us know how you get on!

I'm sure it's not hiv op. If I googled a lot of cancers/HIV when I'm unwell I would be able to fit the symptoms into a lot of those categories, I've done it before and wound myself up into thinking I've had all sorts. Your symptoms are vague and could literally be attributed to hundreds of other things, HIV not being a likely one. Best of luck today and hopefully you can put this worry to rest.

@Terrified12 How did it go?

NEGATIVE! 😭

To all those chastising me, don't worry, IM NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN!!

Edt: Yay! Don't ban yourself from sex, just use a condom 😅

The medicine available now can make the virus undetectable. It's not a health threat like it once was. I'm just old enough to remember the panic and fear surrounding HIV, but we're worlds away from that now. You're going to be okay! 💐💜

Thank you everyone. You were all like a therapist, best friend, doctor and mother in my pocket. 🤗

Please get help for your health anxiety OP.

I am literally looking how to access therapy through my work now

@Terrified12 We knew it OP. x

When you meet your future husband, shag him as much as you want after your wedding day.

PP's who went on about how treatable HIV is were unnecessary IMHO. That would still have made OP worry she had it, when in all likelihood she could've just had reassurance she was unlikely to have it.

When your catastrophising, its not just the initial fear, your minds going to a horrible death, probably before children are grown.
The mind goes to strange places...and part of therapy, atleast that I've had, the objective was to picture what the thing was I was catastrophising about, but then work through the underlying fears, then it's not half as terrible when the fear reappears.

Sadly with health anxiety, even that negative test may not keep OPs mind convinced she's negative once and for all, but how easily treatable it is, maybe provide longer term comfort to her mind.

@ToughTitty I don't disagree that genital HSV2 infections involve more asymptomatic shedding and recurrences than genital HSV1. Just saying genital HSV2 isn't any "nastier" than oral HSV1 in terms of the above. Two thirds of HSV2 carriers are asymptomatic or have symptoms so minor that they go undiagnosed, whether that involves outbreaks on the actual genitals or elsewhere below the waist (all still considered genital HSV).

There are lots of distraught newly diagnosed people on the internet and I just think we should be careful with the language we use.

I'd be wary of some of the US HSV studies. Some of them are funded by/linked to big pharma companies selling aciclovir.

Anyway, OP, I hope you do manage to get to a GUM clinic, where you can get tested and get peace of mind by talking about your worries with the nurses and doctors there. All the best.

This...Condoms always -for everyone's protection.
Hopefully not HIV, but it's not the death sentence it was.

great news op

Great news op xx

Or never… since the vast majority of people who catch the genital herpes virus don’t actually realise they have it.

‘Full’ STD screening on the NHS also doesn’t include testing for it.

Since OP is aware, taking suppressant medication and aware of when she is/isn’t showing symptoms then she is a very low risk of passing it on even without protection. The people spreading it the most are those who are unaware they carry the virus and miss the signs that they are infectious.

♥️♥️♥️♥️. Spot on!