My life has just been flipped on its head

[Usia]

Im so bloody mad I don’t even know what to do!

My partner isn’t from the UK, he’s from Malta, but for most of his adult life lived in Norway and Denmark, always tells me he just loved London and that’s why he moved here 6 years ago. He’s 51, we have 2 children (4 and 22 months) and I’m 18 weeks pregnant, he says he always wanted a big family and never had kids as work was so busy - well what a whole load of stupid lies!!!
Tonight he sat me down and told me he had to confess - right ok? HE HAS 5 CHILDREN. Yes that’s right - he has 5 kids back in Denmark, ages 24, 22, 21, 20 and 18. Apparently the 4 eldest are in London this weekend and want to see him for the first time in 6 years!!!!! WHAT.
Im so so mad. I’ve never met his family, claims he is an only child (who knows) and his parents are dead (are they).
He said he’s kept in touch with them, they’ve all moved abroad for uni/work, his youngest can’t come as she goes to uni in America?!!
He has money and I work so we’ve never pooled money there was no need, so he claims he’s been sending them money too.
I’ve sent him to a bloody hotel I never want to see his face again - why would he do this?!!
I don’t even want him near our kids - what’s he going to do not see them for 6 years and traumatise them too??
What do I do now? We can’t recover from this right? He is psychotic? Can I keep my kids from him or do I just hope he jets off elsewhere and leaves us to it??!
AIBU to feel like the world has just imploded on itself and wonder what the actual fuck is wrong with him!?
Why would he lie?!!

@Usia I'm so sorry you're going through this horrific shock and life changing event.

Aside from all the suggestions people have made and the legal / financial stuff, you need to gather a group of supportive people around you now.

Can you contact friends, family members, colleagues, other parents, neighbours that you're on good terms with, and just tell them all the truth and ask for some help / support. You'd be surprised how many people will go the extra mile for you just to provide comfort and support in this awful situation.

Jesus fucking Christ, he is revolting. All those poor children…

As for him putting through the Danish kids through uni, university education is state funded for its citizens in Denmark, and students also get what is called an SU grant monthly as a living allowance that is not repayable. So I'm not sure that shows any responsibility on his part.

Like the film 'about a boy'

Was he wanting you and your dc to meet these grown up kids?

You could do a dna test on your kids like 23 and me to find out any mor secrets

Divorce? That's the only option that comes to my mind. Sorry x

They’re not married.

Get CMS organised ASAP @Usia. Hopefully they can keep tabs on him and his income and get you some financial protection.

What the fuck???

If he has younger children close in age to yours, I would want to know so your kids don't accidentally date their half siblings!

I'm glad you have had some answers at least you know what you are dealing with. Hope you have some support and you can stay strong.

@EasternEcho good informative spot. This gets worse and worse for OP!

He will probably leave the Uk so she has little to no chance of ever getting a penny out of him.

I think we can safely assume that a man who has 12 children across 5 counties and two continents will know how to avoid paying for them.

I know that some of his children claim that he “ put them through uni” but I suspect that means “ gave them some money when they were at university”.

Lots of fathers who won’t financially support their ( under 18) children are happy to give some random cash to their university aged children as a bribe to keep in touch and to make them look generous.

@NOTMYIDEA as @EasternEcho pointed out uni in Denmark is state funded and the student gets a non-repayable maintenance grant, so any such claim on his part is essentially meaningless. And pretty much in line with the rest of his lies.

I wonder how OP is doing this morning.

Just wanted to send you a big hug, or a gin, or both...whatever you need that we can help with @Usia , we're here. I am so sorry you have all of this to deal with, especially as you're pregnant...there are no words to describe him, why he though the "truth" would be useful at this point I can't imagine, possibly he was just frightened you were going to learn it from his older children, as if him telling you was miraculously going to make it alright.

Do whatever you need to do to look after you and your children, that's all that matters at the moment, I can recommend a couple of good solicitors if that would be helpful.

Hugs again.

Sending you a hug, @Usia.
I think in this instance, something like 'AncestryDNA' for one of your DC could be your friend. It's possible unknown relations (or mothers in the same boat as you) may have already performed a test (or might in the future) so connections could be made if you+they choose to down the line. Perhaps this could demystify some missing links.
A short trial of the family tree aspect (remember to cancel if you don't desire an ongoing subscription) could also clarify details about 'D'P's parents+siblings he claimed (to you and the children you met) have passed away. That claim might be true or might just be more convenient for you all to think so.
https://www.dnaweekly.com/best/ancestry/the-best-dna-test-kits-in/?cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=12412897357&cq_term=dna%20test&cq_plac=&cq_net=g&cq_plt=gp

Wishing you ongoing strength, clarity, and a good life for you and your children ... with this jerk well and truly out of the daily picture messing with you!

I've just read your update about the additional children;I'm so sorry.

Your (I'm assuming now ex partner) is an accomplished and very convincing liar like my nieces mum ex husband.He was estranged from his family due to he and his siblings growing up in the care system;a conversation between one of his sisters and nieces mum revealed that there are possibly other kids out there as there's been long periods (years in some cases) where she's lost track of her brother.

I've no doubt that he will leave his current girlfriend at some point and that she won't be his last victim;men like him should be made to have a vasectomy to prevent them from hoodwinking other women into starting a family with them.

Here's wishing you the best of luck for the future.

Absolutely insane man. Get rid of him.

This precisely! unfortunately....

OP did question it. he said he didn't have kids. Said he wanted a big family. Didn't mention he already had one.
He has lied to her.

I'm sure you have better things to do OP, but if you get a chance to update, it would be good to know what's happened. It's such a bizarre tale. Looking on the positive side, perhaps you can write a memoir and turn it into a Netflix series one day. (Hope you don't think I'm being flippant, I'm serious!)

This is really important. You think it is unlikely, but my father almost dated a half sister when he was a teenager. They had both been adopted (he knew he was; she did not....) and grew up in the same area. His adoptive mother had to step in. Apparently it's not as unlikely as you might think.

I'm 47 and childless. (I tried and tried, but couldn't have kids.) My ex-partner is the same (well, 43 and childless - we tried together). Why does that make us questionable?

I could never forgive a partner for doing that. Judging by his track record, he will probably take off and take nothing to do with your children and it will be next to impossible to get any CMS from him if he's in god knows what country next.

I would seriously just cut him off. Dont leave the door open for him. From what you have said, he doesn't have much involvement with the children and is a hot head. I would let him off to do his thing.

However, all children in this situation are innocent. They asked for none of this. It would be nice if possible, to keep in touch with the other siblings so at least your children will have some connection to their other family.