Highly sensitive empath burn out

[Keepingscore]

So, this is me and looking for opinions on how to manage this trait, especially at work. I work in the charity sector so whilst being empathic and a degree of sensitivity is good when supporting our users and their families it isn't so good working in a toxic team culture, my team members do not share my sensitivity or empathic approach.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining. I appreciate we can't all work in positive environments but how do I get over this? it is getting me down and I am regularly burnt out.

This has always been an issue for me so indeed the less people I work with in a team or office the better i am. However this is not always possible, at least not in my field of work. I have pretty good boundaries and don't take on more work than is necessary, I look after my needs and generally say No when I don't want to do something.

Is there anybody who is also an empath/highly sensitive who can share some nuggets of wisdom?

Honestly? I don’t know whether empaths actually exist. But I do know that there’s a weird expectation that working for a charity will be “nice” when actually many charities are utterly horrible workplaces.

Are you expecting your colleagues to tiptoe around you? If so then that is quite annoying.

Pretend you are not highly sensitive. Is your workplace still horrible? Might be time to get a new job.

Empaths do exist

Are you expecting your colleagues to tiptoe around you? If so then that is quite annoying

This, also it seems because you see yourself as a 'highly sensitive empath' you see yourself as superior?

I find most who say that they are empaths, are highly self interested and don't actually see how they and their self interest/importance negatively affect others!

Narcissists make up around 1-5% of the UK population and empaths around 2%.

Therefore I'd say you're in a very unusual team, and might have better luck elsewhere?

Why is your office so negative and toxic? Are the people unhappy there? Is it everyday you feel like this?

@WhereIsBebèsChambre I agree.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining. I appreciate we can't all work in positive environments but how do I get over this? it is getting me down and I am regularly burnt out.

It's normal not to like an unpleasant work environment and if there's genuinely toxic behaviour most people have to make a a choice whether to suck it up or leave because you cannot change a whole team or organisational culture.

I think you need to break it down because you seem to group negativity in with narcissistic behaviour. This sort of dramatic outlook is likely to create self-fulfilling mindset that's going to cause a problem in almost any workplace.

eg Terry had a moan about management dropping a deadline on him. Sandra, the self professed empath, decides she's so drained going into work because she has special feely powers and feels Terry's negativity so much more. Being an empath Sandra probably has to create a bit of drama about how she's finding work so draining, and definitely more draining than ordinary people who experience ups and down in the workplace because she so sensitive and empathic.

Visualise a giant egg with a door. Walk into the egg and flop on some giant comfy cushions. Close the door and harden the eggshell no negative energy can get through the shell.

Are you like a negativity sponge? People are saying stuff and you can't not hear it. I'd suggest head phones and white noise or birdsong or something. Grey rock negative comments and try not to get drawn into conversations. Can you WFH sometimes?

People are going to rip you to shreds, but being highly sensitive is a great characteristic, especially if you are a galvanometer or a concert piano.

Empath survival guide. By Judith Orleff

I wonder what the other side of this? i.e. what your team mates would say about you.

Someone who doesn't like to be with others and refuses to do things that they don't like.

Empaths don't exist. Grow up.

I agree. Everyone I’ve met who claims to be an empath loves putting themselves at the centre of other people’s pain, drama or grief, and making it somehow all about them. They are all self centred and love the limelight that their behaviour shines on them. It is not a desirable trait, it is childish attention seeking. I had to deal with one of these people when best friend’s husband died suddenly, and she did nothing to help or alleviate my friend’s suffering. By the time of the funeral, either one of us would have happily chucked her in the sea.

OP, try actually helping people, thinking about them, and not thinking about how you feel. It’s really not hard. You just have to take your head out of your arse and look around.

And people who work for charities are just like everyone else, some nice, some not so nice. Your job is to fulfil your role and get along. You are unlikely to be a stellar employee if you mope around wringing your hands and wailing about how terrible it all is and how bad it makes you feel, rather than getting on and achieving something. That’s how you actually help people.

Ha ha ha good one

@Mamato29192 I find your post interesting.

May I ask, how do you know empaths exist? I have no view one way or another, but I'm interested in your certainty.

My non committal view, if I have one, is that most people only show you what they are comfortable in revealing. to you, at a particular point in time.

So, how would you differentiate between someone who is comfortable revealing their feelings (perhaps showing a lot of empathy) from someone who keeps their feelings pretty much to themselves, as far as you are concerned, but may show very strong feelings to someone else, about the same thing?

serious question

Deathwillbebutapause
In my experience the people who are genuinely highly sensitive tend to channel it well and it becomes one of their strengths. Sensitivity is a very good quality to have.

However, everyone I've met who self describes as an empath or makes a big drama about how they're not like the other people, they can't handle anything other than positive vibes, can't manage at work, can't handle negativity, they're highly sensitive dontyaknow etc is actually far from highly sensitive. Most seem to consider themselves above other ordinary people and can be very good at placing themselves into victim mode, trying to get everyone else to tiptoe around them. I find it quite manipulative.

Most humans have empathy. Nothing special about it.

This. Not everyone does. Empaths do

I imagine any workplace where there are more people to help than is possible with the resources available, and when the things they need help with are not very nice, that it would have an impact on you, self identified empath or not.

I used to think I was an “empath” when I was a teenager, but in my middle age now I realise I just didn’t / don’t have good emotional regulation and can easily be led moods of the people around me. Just being aware of it and reminding myself it’s not my feelings, and it’s not about me, sorts it out.

Do you have ASD or ADHD by any chance?

especially if you are a galvanometer or a concert piano

😂

"empaths" and "highly sensitive people" don't exist.

I work with a “highly sensitive empath”. It’s draining. Basically, it means that she feels that nobody else’s emotions are as heightened and real as hers so she dismisses everyone’s thoughts and clearly thinks that nobody is as important as she is.

Look up sonder, OP.

Change your career. Empaths would not be my choice as suited to Charitable Sector.
They get too emotionally involved.

I'd hire Pragmatists.