Highly sensitive empath burn out

[Keepingscore]

So, this is me and looking for opinions on how to manage this trait, especially at work. I work in the charity sector so whilst being empathic and a degree of sensitivity is good when supporting our users and their families it isn't so good working in a toxic team culture, my team members do not share my sensitivity or empathic approach.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining. I appreciate we can't all work in positive environments but how do I get over this? it is getting me down and I am regularly burnt out.

This has always been an issue for me so indeed the less people I work with in a team or office the better i am. However this is not always possible, at least not in my field of work. I have pretty good boundaries and don't take on more work than is necessary, I look after my needs and generally say No when I don't want to do something.

Is there anybody who is also an empath/highly sensitive who can share some nuggets of wisdom?

I’m fairly confident that most people who describe themselves as an “empath” are really just narcissists. They want to be seen as special but are attention seekers.

There are people are are genuinely empathetic but they don’t make every situation about themselves.

🤣👏🏼🤣👏🏼

Are you a qualified psychologist/psychiatrist/mental health expert?

While I'm sceptical about empaths being a thing, there are interesting things you could google about "cognitive" empathy and "affective" empathy that might be helpful. I read up on it years ago when trying to gain more understanding of autistic friends who described experiencing what I imagine is a more "affective" kind of empathy, where you yourself feel emotions others are expressing, as opposed to the more "cognitive" distance of imagining what someone might be feeling, without actually experiencing that emotion yourself.

Not sure I've explained that at all clearly! I think also what the pp above said about childhood abuse is often key. Also, noticing where the emotions are actually your own, perhaps due to past experiences, rather than really much to do with random gossipers or moaners in the workplace.

Quite the opposite actually. I pick up on the nuances of people’s emotions all the time. But I recognise that from a horribly abusive childhood which has made me in constant fear of negative emotions and makes me overly sensitive to ‘people pleasing’. I’m still working on unraveling all that, but at least I’ve take the healthiest route of facing why I’m like this and why it’s something I need to work on. Rather than assume I’m a special flower with magic feeling power 🙂. Or worse, be the sort of awful person who tries to convince others it’s some special ability that needs money spent on silly stones to fix.

You describe yourself as an “empath” don’t you? 🙄🥱

This may well be true - it's unkind to tell anyone who claims to be an empath that 'they're actually a narcissist', as some here have done.

Do you always answer an actual question with a diversory insult?
Are you qualified in any way to have made the initial assertion?

"Highly sensitive empath" aka "thin-skinned"?

Calling the others in the office narcissistic, and dismissing disagreement in the thread as being mean and nasty ... hmm.

I'm not sure true "empaths" exist, but I do think there are people with more empathetic traits that others.

If being an empath is a thing, I find it hard to understand how they would function, the world is so full of distressing news, it would be truly exhausting to not be able to ever switch off from that.

Thin skinned? 🙄

What I want to know is how people know that they feel emotions more than other people. Rather than they make more of a fuss than other people who feel more but don't show it?
If someone can explain how they know this then maybe I'll take it more seriously as a diagnosis.

I mean it's like pain thresholds. Asked for pain out of 10, ds gave appendicitis 2; dd gave a paper cut a 8. I am certain that appendicitis is more painful, but they measure on a different scale.

Agree with this.

There also tends to be a direct correlation with anti-vax types IMO.

Well they’re not a bloody ‘empath’ either and it’s certainly unkind to validate such nonsense. No one can deny that some people can pick up on micro signals of emotions, but there are several ways of explaining this beyond ‘yes you are very special and sensitive and have a gift’.

This was what I was referring to as empaths/hsp having coping strategies, where you have to force yourself to turn off to certain things/people/events, otherwise you'll implode (well not literally but hopefully you get my meaning).

I think that you, like everybody else who is unusual (i.e. 'everybody') need to find somewhere to work that you like, with people you get on with, or where there aren't too many people, if people in general burn you out.

This isn't about 'tips and tricks for empaths'; this is learning that people who describe themselves as empaths are often people who are hyperaware, due to having been forced to stay in situations they weren't comfortable with, usually as children. It's about recognising that now, as an adult, you can walk away, rather than having to endlessly 'put up with' situations that upset you.

The world doesn't need to change for you, nor you for the world. You are responsible for finding where you fit in, though, so, if you're not comfortable, you need to change your circumstances, rather than yourself.

🤣 Hilarious that you now think the term empath is an insult.

Go and read the whole thread rather than trying to pick a fight with me.

@Winederlust has a very sensible take on this.

What? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

im sure the people who come to me for help don’t think I make it all about me… quite the opposite. I get burn out from it.

It's unkind, and a big jump, to go from not believing someone is an empath to suggesting they are a narcissist. They could be neither, or have something else painful going on.

Interesting-but I think everyone has coping strategies to cope with situations and events that they find distressing-from a strict definition stand point, an empath would find it impossible to "switch off" or "tune out" wouldn't they?

Nonoatchristmas
I take my hat off to you for starting to unravel your experiences and find a way forward. I can imagine that's quite a complex package to unpack.

Get a new job. In the meantime, try to rise above it and not take it personally, and don't get involved in the drama.

I manage an office full of women who are never happy and constantly complain and backstab each other. It's like being sat with the Dementors from Harry Potter, sucking my soul out all day long.

Life's too short for that shit!

Horribly abusive ex husband, also a people pleaser

doesnt change that im an empath

just because you don’t ’believe’ doesn’t mean it’s not true

Getting burned out from being in a helping role - especially if it's a relentless one - doesn't mean anyone's an empath, or special, or highly sensitive. It means they're a normal human being who can get ground down by this stuff.