Highly sensitive empath burn out

[Keepingscore]

So, this is me and looking for opinions on how to manage this trait, especially at work. I work in the charity sector so whilst being empathic and a degree of sensitivity is good when supporting our users and their families it isn't so good working in a toxic team culture, my team members do not share my sensitivity or empathic approach.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining. I appreciate we can't all work in positive environments but how do I get over this? it is getting me down and I am regularly burnt out.

This has always been an issue for me so indeed the less people I work with in a team or office the better i am. However this is not always possible, at least not in my field of work. I have pretty good boundaries and don't take on more work than is necessary, I look after my needs and generally say No when I don't want to do something.

Is there anybody who is also an empath/highly sensitive who can share some nuggets of wisdom?

You left out the bit about the OP taking care of herself by not taking on too much work... The colleagues' negativity may be explained by that.

Thanks for this conclusion.

That’s not really about empathy though it’s a it’s lack of boundaries around self and inner instability.

A lot of it sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. People with that sometimes think they're more empathetic than the average person, too. But they probably aren't.

I have adhd and autism

im still an empath

There is some great stuff in @Cappuccino17 post. Although I disagree that most people dont care about others.

Remind yourself what is your problem and what is theirs.
Remind yourself that things around you are not about you and dont have to affect you. Make a coping statement to remind yourself that you can shake off other peoples emotions.
Remind yourself that your energy is for your life.
When you form a negative opinion about what your co workers are doing, ask yourself if there is another way of seeing things. What you tell yourself is likely to be having a massive effect on your mood. CBT can help with this.
When you feel an uncomfortable emotion, remind yourself that emotions are like waves, they pass and you can ride them out. ACT can help with this.
DBT is also really helpful for managing difficult feelings, so you may want to check that out.

You are most welcome.

DSM-5?

Well that’s the issue, 99% it is a diagnostic just not under the word Empath.

I literally have no idea what any of these terms mean, and I can't be asked to google. But - if you are sensitive and your work environment is toxic, then leave and find a better work environment. Worked for me!

@Keepingscore haven’t RTFT so this might have been mentioned but you might find this book helpful Mel Collins

The Handbook for Highly Sensitive People: 130: How to Transform Feeling Overwhelmed and Frazzled to Empowered and Fulfilled (PAPERBACK)

i am highly sensitive and am a teacher so have had to develop strategies for not taking on other people’s emotions too much, though sometimes it can be helpful as I feel I understand where people are coming from but it can be draining.

A few things I have learnt for what it’s worth:

• you can’t control other people’s responses, experiences or take away their pain but you can listen to their stories and help them feel seen.
• Don’t make assumptions. Communicate with people as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama.
• Spend some time alone each day to recharge.
• You can’t change others’ behaviour, just your reaction to it. Most of their behaviour is nothing to do with you, it is their issue. Don’t take anything personally at work. Avoid drama and negativity.
• But at the same time, stay open to learning as you can learn from others. Our colleagues are here to challenge and support us.

Best wishes. Hope it gets better.

The best workers by FAR in charities where there are challenging behaviours from client group are very firm, fair and no nonsense in my experience.. and the workers who are like this are the most respected by the clients themselves.
Washy over sensitive people aren't as effective.

Oh OP. Most of us work in environments that aren’t perfectly suited to us. Most of us put up with those bits cos we have bills to pay. Most of us have empathy. Most of us find colleagues irritating at times. It doesn’t need labelling and special strategies. I do worry about what we’re creating with all this diagnosing and labelling….

On a completely unrelated note, my Dad used to say “suck it up, buttercup”. I don’t know why I suddenly thought of that.

😆 Eggsactly!.

Could it not be that we all see and respond to the world in different ways? Some are more attuned to social cues and expressions and from that get an instant 'feel' for other peoples emotions and moods. It's like being visual or practical or creative. Some people think in words or remember sequences. Some people can remember facts and dates and details, other people are not good with details but understand theories and wider macro effects or meanings. Some people run on intuition and others are more analytical or systematic. A skilled carpenter sees a piece of wood in a very different way to you or I, and a biologist and and artist have a different insight and focus walking through a beautiful garden. You see it with children, some are all go go go, like a burst of colour and energy and excitement, others take a step back, and can get overwhelmed, are often seen as shy and sensitive. If you are blind you 'see' through touch. If three people read a paper, study, or story different parts jump out to them and mean different things. I could go on...

I don't know if 'empaths' exist as a yes/no category, but it seems likely to me that some people are more attuned to or focused on emotions as opposed to the myriad of other things and processes that make up reality as we know it. No one way of seeing and understanding the world is better than another, but I do think we all experience the world in different ways.