Highly sensitive empath burn out

[Keepingscore]

So, this is me and looking for opinions on how to manage this trait, especially at work. I work in the charity sector so whilst being empathic and a degree of sensitivity is good when supporting our users and their families it isn't so good working in a toxic team culture, my team members do not share my sensitivity or empathic approach.

It affects me to the point where I am not able to work in a room where there is a lot of negativity, gossip and narcissim. I find it draining. I appreciate we can't all work in positive environments but how do I get over this? it is getting me down and I am regularly burnt out.

This has always been an issue for me so indeed the less people I work with in a team or office the better i am. However this is not always possible, at least not in my field of work. I have pretty good boundaries and don't take on more work than is necessary, I look after my needs and generally say No when I don't want to do something.

Is there anybody who is also an empath/highly sensitive who can share some nuggets of wisdom?

Most threads here involve someone feeling negative about something, and someone. People are not routinely being told to stop 'being negative and gossiping' about their husbands, though. Useful suggestions are made, and attempts to understand the poster's point of view.

This is my problem with the whole concept of being an "empath" - its so unscientific. It's literally impossible to measure and compare the extent to which people "feel" things. Sure there are extreme examples where you can see where people's emotions are real outliers: for example someone having a meltdown watching a harrowing news report. But how can you ever establish that that's something that's inherent to them or whether its situational (they were tired or drunk or knew someone who was involved in the conflict) or related to historical trauma.

It's not as if you can do a clinical trial to measure the responses of 100 people to a set of scenarios (a relationship breakdown/a bollocking of work). By definition you can't arrange to measure those things in parallel and you can't control for other impacting factors so how on earth can you know?

For one thing not everyone expresses to the outside world how much they "feel" things: plenty of people have very significant emotional reactions to various stimuli but mask them very effectively or are not constitutionally able to express them.

Leaving aside the question of whether empaths exist, like many other people on this thread I can't help observing that the people who self-describe as empaths seem to actually thrive on their empath status and almost turn it into their brand. They bang on and on about how difficult and draining they find it to deal with other people's negativity and how they channel their emotions etc. But they seem drawn to it like moths to a flame and can't resist an opportunity to advertise their "empathetic" status.

If there is a condition approaching that of an empath I think its probably someone with very poorly regulated emotions who thrives on low level drama and seeks to manipulate other people's difficulties in order to centre themselves in a situation they would otherwise be on the periphery of. And that's largely down to being self-centred, rather than genuinely empathetic. A real empath wouldn't go around telling anyone who will listen that they were an empath.

Isn’t it shocking how many people are neurodivergent and an empath. Almost like it’s the same thing.

Perhaps they are negative - she states that they gossip a lot, and that can make a workplace environment really uncomfortable and is quite draining too.

That's a completely illogical conclusion.

Get some headphones

How so? I thought we had agreed on our ‘difference of opinion’…

Surely the entire definition of empath is that they over feel others emotions to the point they are stealing them. So of course it's narcissistic / selfish to be more upset by something that happens to someone else than they are!
It's a problem, being empathetic is good but actually taking it on as if it really were your own emotion is not healthy.
And yes hsp is autism and empath is very likely autism.

People are often told to stop being negative, there's a, shall we say, 'robust' range of views. Have you spent much time here...?

....and what sort of echo chamber have a few posters on this thread found here?

Sorry @Keepingscore I hope you can find some useful info in among the other less helpful stuff.

Perhaps the people you describe aren’t really empaths.

I do believe there are people who feel things very keenly, but don’t go around advertising the fact. They keep it inside. Hence, the burnout.

They could well be negative, I didn't say they weren't, but she is also being negative. I am unsure of your point?

@Watchkeys the OP has literally posted in the AIBU section. Some people will think she is being unreasonable and some won't. This is the nature of the AIBU section. Presumably the OP wanted to find out if she was being reasonable/unreasonable and people have given their views.

Very true, most empaths don't advertise it. Some are brave enough to be open in conversations like this one. Alas a whole range of derogatory responses ensue. Different views are fine, disrespect isn't.

I object that you have disrespected my view @sollenwir

I understand what you mean. I have these traits too, but I manage them now. I don't take things to heart anymore, I put myself first, I avoid negative energy, ignore or divert it away as it drains me out just like it drains you out.. if someone has a problem I now believe it is theirs and not mine to sort out! Just start putting yourself first because in the world we live in no one cares about anyone but themselves. Peoples attitudes have nothing to do with the person that you are they have a lot going on in their own minds and lives.

Are you quite introverted too? Because this could be a sign of burning out around extroverted individuals who non stop chatter.

@sollenwir your comments are particularly upsetting to me as I am a highly sensitive person

I was replying to your question - it's not negative to state a certain thing is negative if said thing is indeed negative. It's factual and adds context.

What comments in particular have upset you?

I think most comments have been unnecessarily nasty but this is to be expected sadly in AIBU. I swear I read this or very similar op previously, if so I wonder why you would post it again in AIBU unless it's a reverse?

Charity jobs are really really shit. If you want to make a change, stick to volunteering on your own terms or better yet just give financial donations.
Advice? Change jobs, something part time and at home ideally.

Did I mention you specifically?

Well if you look negatively at something it is going to look negative, and if you look positively at it it is going to look positive. Anyway I must go to bed as I need my sleep due to high sensitivity. Good night.

Exactly this! After all, not all heroes wear capes.

That’s not really about empathy though it’s a it’s lack of boundaries around self and inner instability.

Why are you discounting OPs experience just because you don't understand it?