Grandparents took my daughter to A&E without letting us know

[2828r]

Am, I being unreasonable? I'll just set out the facts. The kids stayed out at their grandparents last weekend and went to a skate park. My daughter fell down some stairs and hurt her leg.

My wife had just finished a run of night shifts and we were expecting the kids back around 1:30. When they turned up at 2:30 my parents said they had taken my daughter to A&E to have her checked out, but hadn't told us as my wife had just finished nights and they didn't want to worry her.

My daughter was fine, just a little bruised and shaken by the experience. We later found out from her that she had fainted which caused the fall. My parents weren't aware of the fainting incident and just thought she'd had a clumsy moment.

We feel that if a child is taken to A&E, we should know about it straight away as grandparents don't hold parental responsibility and can't consent to treatment if required. Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury.

This is a fundamental disagreement, my parents think they were being considerate with my wife having just finished nights. We feel it's more important to be informed if an incident is serious enough to warrant a trip to A&E

Why didn’t they call you? Your wife was on nights, not you. It’s a crap excuse.

Totally with you. You need to know when something big is happening, otherwise you can’t relax as you will never know that it isn’t (iyswim).

What could you have done, though? If parental consent was needed, then they would have contacted you then. In the meantime, they were thinking about your daughter's immediate needs, as well as trying to be considerate of you.

Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury

... and surely the medical staff at A&E know this?

YABVVU

YANBU and as a result they would not be having unsupervised contact again. They cannot be trusted to reliably look after your children.

Poor gp cannot do right, they took your dc to hospital, they didn't want to worry your wife, perhaps you can direct your anger at the hospital who should have contacted you. I assume the doctors checked for any injuries. Hold old is your daughter, are you taking her to the doctor if she did faint .

I’d be furious, you are not being unreasonable.

They got it wrong, but did it with good intent. Your daughter is OK, so I would move on.

Tell them that ,I'm sure they dud what they thought was ,best
Its not like they ignored the problem ,just have a conversation with them.

I voted YABU. I imagine they felt they were acting in the best interests of your child and you/your wife and would have contacted you if it was a more serious situation rather than a hurt leg.
How old is your daughter? I am assuming pst the toddler stage where they would just want their parent if in pain.

Yes how irresponsible if them to take a child to A&E 🙄

Where were you at the time OP?

I'm sure in those circumstances my parents would have done the same and I would have had no issue with it.

If parental responsibility was required then I'm sure your wife would have had a call.

This is what happens when you have others looking after your DC - if you can't accept their judgement then you just decline the offer of childcare.

I wouldn’t be mad because they did take her, and they were trying to be helpful by not telling you. But I would make it absolutely crystal clear that I expected to be told in future, no matter the circumstances, as soon as it was reasonably possible to do so (ie get to A&E safely, phone me from the waiting room).

Well they thought they were being considerate by not telling you. Now they know that you would like to be told next time they should tell you.

Children do compensate etc which is good they took her to a&e where they would know this and treat accordingly. They should have called to let you know but just say you’d rather they just let you know asap In future.
then you can make the choices etc

I think, given that context, that they were just trying to be considerate. They might have been unsure whether she was actually injured (and they were right) so just thought they'd get her checked out and let you know if there was something to tell. They had no idea about the fainting.

If you don't want them to act in loco parentis stop relying on them for childcare.

YABU. If you don't trust their judgement, pay for childcare

YANBU

Huh? They literally took her to hospital when she hurt herself.

Just say to them breezily 'if there's ever a next time don't worry about disturbing us, we'd rather know, even if on nights!'

And then move on with your lives in harmony. And be glad she's ok and she has very loving and committed grandparents.

I can't imagine being worked up about this!

Spot on.

I'm surprised the hospital didn't make contact with you though.

I'm also wondering why they couldn't call the OP if the mother was just off night shift.

My parents and MiL would have done similar for this kind of incident - get checked out and if nothing worse than bruises tell us at collection time. If the DC was asking for us or anything more was needed medically they would call.

If you don't trust family to do this sensibly then don't leave the DC with them in sole charge. However DGPs typically have more experience of wrangling children, accidents and A&E than we do ourselves at this stage of life.

And neglected to inform their parents.

What else are they hiding because they think it’s best?

This