Grandparents took my daughter to A&E without letting us know

[2828r]

Am, I being unreasonable? I'll just set out the facts. The kids stayed out at their grandparents last weekend and went to a skate park. My daughter fell down some stairs and hurt her leg.

My wife had just finished a run of night shifts and we were expecting the kids back around 1:30. When they turned up at 2:30 my parents said they had taken my daughter to A&E to have her checked out, but hadn't told us as my wife had just finished nights and they didn't want to worry her.

My daughter was fine, just a little bruised and shaken by the experience. We later found out from her that she had fainted which caused the fall. My parents weren't aware of the fainting incident and just thought she'd had a clumsy moment.

We feel that if a child is taken to A&E, we should know about it straight away as grandparents don't hold parental responsibility and can't consent to treatment if required. Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury.

This is a fundamental disagreement, my parents think they were being considerate with my wife having just finished nights. We feel it's more important to be informed if an incident is serious enough to warrant a trip to A&E

My grandson mentioned above has just turned 18 and about to sit his practical driving test - bearing in mind the recent news from North Wales, I'd advise you not to sweat the small stuff.

I would rather have been informed but sounds like everything is ok so just let them know for future. No need to cause a big scene about it.

To be honest I would be fine with it.
If it was an absolute emergency or life threatening I'm sure they would have been in touch immediately.
If they needed someone with PR they would have been in touch.
They used their judgement and acted in tbe best interests of your child and were being considerate.
They cannot be trusted to reliably look after your children.
I would say the opposite, they have looked after your child by erring on the side of caution.

We feel that if a child is taken to A&E, we should know about it straight away as grandparents don't hold parental responsibility and can't consent to treatment if required.

Doctors don't need consent - they do what's in the patient's best interests.

I think they should have taken her to A&E and en route phoned you to tell you and then you could have decided whether to go or not. I agree with others why you couldn’t have been phoned not your wife? But even if was post a night shift as a parent I would want to be woken up if one of my children was taken to hospital, even for a broken limb.

Exactly! I was the adult with my Nephew in the example I gave. They didn’t need anyone else’s consent

JFC 🤣🤣

In the circumstances you described then no I wouldn’t be upset that they didn’t contact

sounds like they were being over cautious by going to a and e

if it was life threatening or a major injury then that’s completely different to a hurt leg that turned out to be nothing

the problem with calling you it would of caused big dramatic drama and no doubt racing to the hospital upsetting everyone for nothing

I don’t think either party is BU. This isn’t the time to point fingers, but to agree on a protocol moving forward.

They should have called you. Now you all can take this is a learning experience and talk about how to handle these situations in the future. No need to do anything else unless you have other concerns.

This is a hard one… for me it would depend on the nature of the problem.

If it was minor, I’d probably be quite calm and say, “Thanks so much for dealing with this and being cautious, I’m glad they’re alright. But please tell me in future if anything whatsoever happens.”

If it was something serious like a seizure or going unconscious and they didn’t phone me I’d be apoplectic.

This issue is people can categorise the gravity of ailments differently, so always better to keep parents informed.

Perhaps better to pay someone and have an employment contract put into place

This.

Thats the end of it really.

Now go to the doctors about the fainting. End of.

GP’s can’t do right for doing wrong- they looked after your daughter’s immediate needs. Yes they probably should have called you to meet them at A and E, but I would much rather this way round than they did nothing at all!

Just ask them to contact you if it happens again and as @KnowYouAreLoved says move on!

Your parents obviously thought they were doing the best thing for your dc!

I would differentiate the 'minor injuries' A&E visit to other sorts. Minor injury - lego up nose, cuts to limbs requiring butterfly stitches, sprained ankle - sort it out and tell parents afterwards, or while you are there waiting if appropriate.

Major sorts - head injury, breathing problems, cuts involving tendon damage, broken limbs - priority is to get child to hospital but also inform parents ASAP.

Such weird responses from some posters here. They took her to hospital as a precautionary measure, not because anything was dreadfully wrong, and probably didn’t want to worry the OP and his wife unnecessarily. They were right to focus on the child and the situation at hand.

I can see both sides they knew it wasn't life and death but just wanted her checked an didn't want to worry you, but as a parent I would want to know. I would make it clear they tell you straight away if anything like this happens again I certainly wouldn't stop them having the children like some posters have said.

Although our daughter was fine, children present differently to adults and tend to compensate very well then suddenly deteriorate, she could easily have had some other internal injury.
what a pity you weren t there to share this knowledge with the A&E doctors!🙄

Just to clarify for those mentioning childcare, I'm just going to add, I don't need to use my parents for childcare, I never have. I've been a permanent homeworker since they were very small, I'm always contactable on either my mobile or home phone. I didn't ask them for the kids the stay over, they wanted them to.

Exactly. I mean, if you don’t really think anyone is as capable of looking after your child as you are, then maybe you need to quit your job and stay home with her instead of using childcare or grandparents?

It doesn't sound like it was serious ,but honestly even in that situation I would rather they acted first and got my child the medical attention they needed rather than phoning me first
Obviously let me know at the earliest opportunity .

How old is your daughter OP?

This!!

Something very odd there - why would A&E accept your parents in law taking her? They’re not (I assume) her next of kin. I’d be speaking the hospital PALS team and asking them why they didn’t follow procedure and contact her parents. 🤔

If ahe had definitely hurt herself then I would expect to be told. But I don't think they did that much wrong if they thought she was fine but were erring on the side of caution and getting her checked out to make sure she was fine, rather than because they thought she had a break or something. I think any other action other than 'I appreciate you wanted to stop us from worrying but please can you make sure that you inform us straight away if you're ever in the same position again' would be ott