To desperately want to return to work even though I can't?

[isthisthenorm]

NC for this.

DH and I have been married for 10 years and have 2 (soon to be 3!) children together aged 6 and 3. DH is a very high earner (currently on around £800k after tax). To get this point it has taken a LOT of sacrifices that have nearly cost us our marriage. He spends a ridiculous amount of time at work but we have now got to a point where we can balance it correctly most of the time and he generally doesn't work weekends anymore. However he doesn't generally spend time with the children in the week due to leaving at 6.30 and returning at around 7 so just has time to tuck them in and read a story.

Before having children I was working in my dream job but on around £80k so when we realised I was pregnant I left it. There was no way we could raise children with us both busy nearly every hour of the day and him being obviously the higher earner I quit. I love spending time with the children and although I sometimes miss it I know I am so incredibly lucky to be in the position to do this.

Before I quit I was essentially working my job for ''fun''. My wage went towards the food shop any other small household expenses such as buying a new kettle if it broke. The rest was just for me to spend or save as I liked. During the 4 years I did this I managed to save around £160k. Once I quit I lost this income so DH started giving me an allowance as I was entirely dependant on him. I get around £30k a year but I end up saving most. He covers all other household expenses, holidays and basically anything the children need.

Problem is I feel so trapped just constantly feeding off him. I know I have all this money saved up that I could spend but every time I go to spend it I feel guilty. I desperately want to be back in work because I just miss it so much. I've spoken to him about it but he just doesn't understand as his suggestion was do you want a higher allowance. Baby no.3 is due in around 3 weeks so I obviously can't return for at least another year.

I know this is such a first world problem but does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to feel less guilty. A friend suggested volunteering in a charity shop which I might do when baby is a bit older. Any help would be appreciated!

Get an old unattractive but wonderful nanny when you're ready to study/train/skill up in your chosen field. What the fuck? Why would a nanny need to be old and unattractive?!

The OP clearly says he's on 800k after tax, not a salary of 800k

Jesus christ, you have the money to do whatever you want, the only thing holding you back is yourself. Get a part time job, that way the kids aren't missing that much of you, do charity work part time, anything you want basically..you have the means to do so.
I don't see that you have a partner problem, you have 30k in fun money to be blunt and dont need to worry about bills. Childcare is easily sorted if you want more me time. So what's the problem? smh

@bitchatty
As I’ve said previously just leave the thread, you’re not helping anyone.

Telling me that my husband isn’t savvy and thinking you know better. As a PP said if you really did know better then you’d be earning more than him.

The 800k is AFTER tax as I’ve already said so yes he does pay around 700k in tax.

I DO donate to charity and it’s none of ur business whether I do or don’t.

Please just leave the thread.

Exactly this! Stop feeling guilty- he couldn't have done it without you.

You obviously need to preoccupy yourself instead of being rude to others.

@bitchatty You don’t know much about the banking industry and their bonuses, clearly. I have two friends from school who earn that and sometimes more depending on the bonuses that year.

All that money still not happy !

Money does buy some degree of happiness but there's a limit. Being poor is miserable but there comes a level of wealth where more money doesn't make you any happier.

I don't care if you give to charity or not, it's your life, but seriously, get a nanny, get more help, and when you can get a job. My DH is a high earner (although not that high) and I work, it's a juggle but you manage. Financially I don't need to work, we'd be ok if I didn't but I want to for myself and to be a good role model to my DDs.

But seriously, get a nanny

In your position I would have more kids and live like a influencer mum type of life. Take cute pics of your kids for instagram in matching outfits - decorate your house according to the season, make a vlog about how hard party planning is for one of your kids' birthdays and that sort of thing. Buy a Mercedes G wagon.