Who should have got up?

[Autieangel]

Dh and I went to bed around 945 last night. I couldn't sleep and at about 1030 I heard a loud bang in the house. Like a crashing noise. We have 4 year old ds in his bedroom and a dog downstairs.

I woke dh who said it was probably nothing. I thought one of us should check in case it was to do with our son.

Dh refused so I checked the house alone and concluded our son had put toys on his bed and must have kicked some off.

I was annoyed that dh left it to me and essentially went back to sleep while I walked round the house alone.

Who's unreasonable here?

There's two adults in the house, only one needs to check. YABU

😂
Ok love.

@Createausername1970
Some dogs wouldn't bark. I'd be stunned if my dog did.

Also an intruder might not leave when a light comes on, they could have psychiatric problems or be on drugs. There was an intruder in an area near me who went on a rampage through a few houses with a machete when he was on drugs. He didn't care that people were in the houses because he was completely out of it.

Logic aside I do think it’s a bit sad we’ve ended up in a place where it’s not assumed a man will face up to security problems or scary situations because we’re now “equal.” I was attracted to my DH because he’s handy with his fists and a bit macho and if he was just like nah you deal with a potential threat, I would totes have the ick

I think maybe you’ve misunderstood. Most folks are saying they don’t see why a man should have to deal with a noise. Not that they assume he they are happy to do it themselves.

althougn to be fair I can’t imagine being attracted to a man as he has a propensity to violence as you are.

I'm a staunch feminist, and I absolutely would expect my DH to wake up and investigate a loud, unexpected noise in the night. Why? Logic. His odds against an intruder are a lot better than mine, as I'm barely 5ft and a size 10.

Luckily my DH would completely agree with me and wouldn't dream of being such a selfish dick as to make me deal with it.

You know what, I'm scared of the dark and a big wuss. I would wake dh and ask him to check, and most of the time he would. Thank you dh!

OP just don't be so passive.

If you want DH to go check something, ask him directly.
"Dh, I heard a noise and I'm worried it's an intruder, will you please go check/come with me?"
I can't imagine anyone saying no to that.

I don't really have much awareness for my own safety in these situations tbf, I'd be straight up and in DSs room or hunting around the house ready to ward off any threats.

There are many and varied reasons why we don’t have equality. Making your bloke get up in the middle of the night is an extra one.

If you genuinely thought there was an intruder in your home the first thing you would do is ring the police whilst waking your partner (male or female) so that they would be aware. If you thought the intruder was in your child's room you would be straight in there (I would). You wouldn't stay in bed and have a conversation with your partner about which gender should or would go and investigate or have an existential crisis about feminism in the 21st Century.

Several women on this thread say they would happily send their male partners off alone into danger. If DH went downstairs to investigate a very suspicious noise (not just a bump from the kid's room) I am pretty sure I would go down with him - probably armed with a cricket bat! If we could hear someone moving around I would want DH to stay with me and we'd call the police - they can take whatever belongings they can carry. I would want to keep us both safe. Doubtful this would happen as the dog would be going bananas - as 99.99% of dogs would.

I normally dealt with the children overnight noises, unless they were vomiting, in which case dh dealt with the vomit and I dealt with the dc. Suited both of us.
If I wanted dh to deal with something overnight he takes a long time to disturb once he's really asleep so I'm thoroughly away (and very annoyed he isn't) before he's awake enough to deal with anything.
Now the dc are older he's great at staying up and going to meet them from evenings out at ridiculous hours of the night, so it's definitely payback.

However when we had a potential intruder, I woke dh. He rolled over sleepily and asked why I wasn't on the phone to the police 🤣 I hadn't actually thought of that, so he was quite useful. He did manage to sit up by the time the police had arrived (and the burglar had legged it).

I'd actually fancy my chances if I met an intruder over dh's. I'd probably fling everything handy at them and be very loud. Dh would be "shall we sit down and discuss it over a cup of tea?" 🤣

If you called the police where I live they might turn up next week. Pointless.

My primary concern would be the safety of my child, not wasting time waking up DH.

Exactly

But would you assume it was an intruder if you heard a noise at night?

I would probably rule out other things before jumping to intruder and check on DS first and only wake DH up if I genuinely thought there was an intruder.

And how do you think confronting a male intruder on your own would improve the safety of your child?

I think it's entirely natural for that to spring to mind if you hear a loud noise in the middle of the night.

It was half 10 and OP hadn't been asleep so presumably was still thinking logically

A decent man would have gone to check @Autieangel

A decent mother would have gone to check her child was OK

And how do you think confronting a male intruder on your own would improve the safety of your child?

Why would it be any safer if a man did it?

@Mothership4two which is what OP did

@74dopo

Eventually.

A decent mother would have just gone to check her child was OK not waste minutes waking and talking to her partner

I expect OP is a decent mum which is why I doubt she really thought it was anything serious/an intruder. I expect her DH is a decent person too and if she had said to him "I think someone has broken in" would have reacted immediately. He was right when he said it was probably nothing.

Honestly this has happened to me so often over the years. DH is usually asleep long before me and I have spent long periods with him away. You just go and look. If I ever genuinely believed there might be someone in the house, then obviously I'd grab kids/phone police/wake DH - I certainly wouldn't be sending him down to sort out an intruder.

I also think this is a non-event.

Burglars do break in when you’re in bed asleep! Happened to us and similar to OP I had to go and investigate because DH is a fanny!! Actually that’s a lie. He armed himself with a big heavy metal bar…..then sent me down first!

He was asleep and you were awake and you think he’s unreasonable?!