Who should have got up?

[Autieangel]

Dh and I went to bed around 945 last night. I couldn't sleep and at about 1030 I heard a loud bang in the house. Like a crashing noise. We have 4 year old ds in his bedroom and a dog downstairs.

I woke dh who said it was probably nothing. I thought one of us should check in case it was to do with our son.

Dh refused so I checked the house alone and concluded our son had put toys on his bed and must have kicked some off.

I was annoyed that dh left it to me and essentially went back to sleep while I walked round the house alone.

Who's unreasonable here?

I think if you’d heard the front door or a window being bashed/smashed in it’s a bit different to just a loud bang…

OP, if I thought that you genuinely thought it was an intruder, I would say YANBU.
However, you keep amending your story to try and get people to agree with you.
You obviously didn't think it was serious, as you took the time to debate with DH and asked if he thought one of you should check. If you'd have said you thought there was an intruder and you were scared to check alone, he probably would have got up.
Also, why wasn't your first instinct to go and check on your child to make sure they were safe? I wouldn't have waited have waited for the OH to check.
You didn't have to go looking around the house, but you could have gone straight to your child.
So... YABU.

Unless you live in the roughest area in the world or live in the poshest house and expect intruders because it’s the night of the purge…

I would have woke my hubby up. He would have gone down and your dh should have gone down.

I would have expected my husband to get up in this situation, OP. I don't care if that means I'm not a feminist.

I heard a crash , listened for a minute, woke husband. Suggested we should go and look. He said it was probably nothing, I said what if it's ds

im not with you at all. If you thought it was your son why did you wish your husband to go look?

I'd have woken him to check and my DH would have. I've been burgled twice while in bed and DH would fare better if startling a burglar than I and we both know it.

If we’re going by some of the definitions on this thread, I suppose my feminism extends to upstairs noises only.

I could probably force myself to check out the upstairs if I heard a noise, especially if I thought it was the kids. I don’t reckon I’ve ever thought twice about that.

But fuck off am I going downstairs in the dark to investigate a noise, intruder or not. That’s his job.

I always wake my other half up to check on noises. He's a heavy sleeper and has no sense of curiosity.
It's an established fact women are more at risk from men than other men are.
And another that men commit more home intrusion and burglaries.
The least risky option is he goes to check.

I don't know what this faux outrage is over you waking him up.
I'll wake my other half up for cup of water 🤣

The issue here is you felt unsupported and these crusty dusty liars on here are trying to make out like protecting a man's sleep should come on top of anything else
He went straight back to sleep, he would of done that if he had a quick shufty as well and his wife wouldn't have felt like she wasnt cared for.
Sometimes you have to accept the things that make your partner feel safe and loved.

I probably should have said what if it's a burglar

I can't imagine many intruders expecting people to be asleep at 10.30pm. You were awake, obviously it was up to you to check.

What if it was aliens, the police doing a drugs raid, or what about the CIA who think there is a sting operation but they were given bad intel and got the wrong country, what about if it is the neighbour breaking it to steal your butter

That sounds terrifying! I'm a single mother so I'm always the investigator of scary noises at night, but I could imagine wanting a DH to be protective. I'm a feminist and all, but who wouldn't want to be spared that frightened walk through a dark house at night? If he wasn't afraid why wouldn't he help you?

What a strange comment.

A burglar broke into our apartment once when we were asleep at night. I know at least one other person who suffered a nighttime break-in.

A nighttime break-in is not "vanishingly unlikely" as a pp declared.

I'm not sure why you would bring up aliens and neighbours stealing butter?

Lol a job. A noise woke you, get up and look if your that bothered. Done it many a time and it's been on of the kids toys or animals messing about. Why you would wake other half boggles me

Your husband has put his life on the line for you. So what do you do for him?

Its either stay in the kitchen and bake a lot or wait submissively in the bedroom to reward the victorious warrior on his return.

And you would also have to agree to the pay gap remaining, because if your workplace came under attack you would expect the men to defend you.

So you would send your husband off to investigate and leave your baby alone while you stay snuggled in bed? Surely nobody would so that if they really felt there was a risk?

"Its either stay in the kitchen and bake a lot or wait submissively in the bedroom to reward the victorious warrior on his return.
And you would also have to agree to the pay gap remaining, because if your workplace came under attack you would expect the men to defend you."

Ffs This is exactly why we don't have equality 😫

Yabu. Single women solve this sort of thing all the time. Take your phone, a heavy object and scream if you find someone.

@Libra24 are you joking? You wake your husband up to get you a cup of water? Even my 5 year old does that herself. Would you want to be woken up to make him a sandwich?

If somebody woke me up for a cup of water they would find themselves wearing the water!

unless very very young or very very ill get it yourself!

The gist of the post you were replying to @MelsMoneyTree (that was also quoted) from InterFactual seems to imply that posters not agreeing with OP's POV are attacking her/not 'proper' feminists. the so called feminists in this thread are actively attacking another woman. In context that was what I was responding to.

I will read the OP's updates but haven't got time/won't remember all the other posters comments and don't expect other posters to read and digest every single one of my posts.

YABU.

I’d have been quite cross being woken up like that, if you were already awake.

The parental instinct to protect children is not logical @Isthisexpected They react without thinking about the consequences. News reports of mothers risking their lives for their children isn't that uncommon - running into fires, fighting off attacking animals, etc. I'll never forget the footage in the 2004 tsunami of a woman/mother running towards the sea and her two children and all three disappearing into the waves - logially she should have run in the opposite direction. @Talkingtothecat247's reaction would be normal and I would do the same. This is why some posters are struggling with OP's attitude and comments - to me her behaviour doesn't make sense.

It was 10.30 at night and you have a dog downstairs. Highly unlikely to have been an intruder.

And if it was, as soon as you put the landing and hall lights on (assume you can do both from the landing), the intruder would have been back out the way he (or she) came in.

Loud noises at 3 in the morning, maybe I might have woken DH, but 10.30 and the dog not stirred - I would have investigated myself.