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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who should have got up?

284 replies

Autieangel · 23/11/2023 07:14

Dh and I went to bed around 945 last night. I couldn't sleep and at about 1030 I heard a loud bang in the house. Like a crashing noise. We have 4 year old ds in his bedroom and a dog downstairs.

I woke dh who said it was probably nothing. I thought one of us should check in case it was to do with our son.

Dh refused so I checked the house alone and concluded our son had put toys on his bed and must have kicked some off.

I was annoyed that dh left it to me and essentially went back to sleep while I walked round the house alone.

Who's unreasonable here?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/11/2023 07:16

Well personally waking him wouldn’t have crossed my mind and I would have checked myself

bitchatty · 23/11/2023 07:16

woman up op

and he was right anyway

Overthebow · 23/11/2023 07:16

Yabu for waking him and saying one of you should do it, you could have just got up and done it.

DustyLee123 · 23/11/2023 07:17

You are. He was asleep so check yourself.

bitchatty · 23/11/2023 07:19

he should be starting a thread about you waking him up over a dropped toy

KrisAkabusi · 23/11/2023 07:19

I woke dh who said it was probably nothing. I thought one of us should check in case it was to do with our son.

What you mean is, you thought he should get up. Otherwise you wouldn't have woken him. You should have just done it yourself. Why wake someone else up?

CampsieGlamper · 23/11/2023 07:20

It depends. Are you a feminist, New Independent Woman or a traditional, homemaking wife, relying on your husband to defend you?

Moonshine5 · 23/11/2023 07:21

You

Whinge · 23/11/2023 07:21

bitchatty · 23/11/2023 07:19

he should be starting a thread about you waking him up over a dropped toy

Agreed. He would get a lot of support.

OP YABU, and I can't believe you woke him for such ridiculous reason.

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 23/11/2023 07:22

Oh stop it with the I thought one of us should check in case it was to do with our son.

clearly you thought HE should check. And you were wrong.

YourNameGoesHere · 23/11/2023 07:23

bitchatty · 23/11/2023 07:19

he should be starting a thread about you waking him up over a dropped toy

Indeed!

I can't believe you woke him up for something so bloody mundane and unimportant. I'd be bloody furious to be woken up for such a ridiculous reason.

ImustLearn2Cook · 23/11/2023 07:23

Yabu. If I thought the loud crashing noise could have been something that happened to my child I would have got up immediately and checked. Not wasting time waking up my dh, explaining to him what I heard and telling him to go check.

Iamblossom · 23/11/2023 07:24

I would have been worried it was an intruder , woken my husband and he would have gone downstairs to check, with the base ball bat that he keeps under our bed.

Don't see how that doesn't make me a feminist or a modern woman.

KCSIE · 23/11/2023 07:24

I'd have woken my DH up to check, too but because we have a toddler and a baby that I'm up with all night long and I'd probably be sat feeding the baby so he'd have to go. He never gets up for the kids in the night so he should at least get up to check the house.

In your shoes, I wouldn't have bothered to wake him if I was capable enough and awake enough to check myself unless I'd been up all night with the 4yo.

LubaLuca · 23/11/2023 07:26

If your instinct was that it could have been something to do with your son, why the reluctance to get out of bed and check? You don't need a big strong man to check on a child.

Doubleespresso33 · 23/11/2023 07:27

Iamblossom · 23/11/2023 07:24

I would have been worried it was an intruder , woken my husband and he would have gone downstairs to check, with the base ball bat that he keeps under our bed.

Don't see how that doesn't make me a feminist or a modern woman.

This

Original poster
Autieangel · 23/11/2023 07:38

I didn't want to go alone as my dh is twice my size and works out in the gym 4 times a week so is much better equipt to deal with an intruder than me. My preferred choice would have been to go together.

I wouldn't go without waking him incase it was an intruder.

But I did it alone. So if it happens again should I deal with it again or is it dh turn? Or should this be another job that defaults to me.?

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 23/11/2023 07:43

It would be me getting up, dh wouldn’t have heard it, he would have been fast asleep as I’m always up later than him.
Why did you wake dh, you were already awake!

YourNameGoesHere · 23/11/2023 07:43

But I did it alone. So if it happens again should I deal with it again or is it dh turn? Or should this be another job that defaults to me.?

How often do you think this sort of stuff will actually happen Hmm. It wasn't a job that defaulted to you, it wasn't even a job. It was simply you checking on your child because you happened to be awake at the time of hearing the noise. You're massively overthinking it and catastrophising.

KrisAkabusi · 23/11/2023 07:45

Autieangel · 23/11/2023 07:38

I didn't want to go alone as my dh is twice my size and works out in the gym 4 times a week so is much better equipt to deal with an intruder than me. My preferred choice would have been to go together.

I wouldn't go without waking him incase it was an intruder.

But I did it alone. So if it happens again should I deal with it again or is it dh turn? Or should this be another job that defaults to me.?

You're having your arse handed to you, so now you're saying you thought it might be an intruder. But in your OP you very clearly said it was because you thought it was to do with your son. Two very different situations.

TheChosenTwo · 23/11/2023 07:46

Sorry, your response wasn’t there when I started typing!
Anyway, I haven’t changed my thoughts on this. Highly unlikely to be an intruder but I’m not afraid, I’m quite tough and generally don’t feel the need to be protected by a man so I’d have just gone and checked myself.

Original poster
Autieangel · 23/11/2023 07:46

The feminist comments annoy me. Being a feminist is about respecting and supporting women . It's not about doing everything all of the time and it's not about putting yourself in vulnerable situations to prove a point. It's men feeding that in order to be equal women have to to do everything. No in order to be equal men need to respect and treat women equally.

OP posts:
Original poster
Autieangel · 23/11/2023 07:50

@KrisAkabusi I didn't know what it was?? Because it was a loud crash. So it could have been the dog, the child, something falling or an intruder. I assumed child as it seemed most logical but didn't rule out any other possibilities. If I had got up and it was an intruder would dh been at fault for not getting up with me.

OP posts:
myotherkidisacassowary · 23/11/2023 07:54

Autieangel · 23/11/2023 07:50

@KrisAkabusi I didn't know what it was?? Because it was a loud crash. So it could have been the dog, the child, something falling or an intruder. I assumed child as it seemed most logical but didn't rule out any other possibilities. If I had got up and it was an intruder would dh been at fault for not getting up with me.

Just in case it helps you feel more comfortable, it’s vanishingly unlikely to ever be an intruder. Burglars don’t break into houses where there are likely to be people asleep, it makes things much more risky for them. The vast majority of burglaries happen during the day or while people are on holiday.

I think things might have been different if you had expressed to your husband ‘I’m worried there is an intruder and I don’t feel safe checking the house’. He would have been more likely to check himself or reassure you then. As it was he was likely just assuming (correctly) it was the dog or a toy and didn’t think it needed further investigation at all.

Whinge · 23/11/2023 07:54

If I had got up and it was an intruder would dh been at fault for not getting up with me.

At fault for what? Hmm

You really are catastrophising.