To find home births completely selfish

[Baabaaba]

No I know I’m going to sound like a grumpy ogre but having been recently diagnosed with cancer and feeling as crap as I can do I was given the displeasure to listen to my neighbours have a home birth last nigh. She and baby are both home and well now however they did need a blood transfusion and ended up going in an ambulance anyway. Am I being unfair to think why did they keep me and my two children up all night with her screaming which nearly killed her when she would have had a safer delivery in hospital and if of had a better night sleep.

I know this is selfish and I am being unfair but honestly why put your health and baby’s health in danger I’m genuinely want to be told how I’m being unfair

On a positive note - at least you won't have to put up with the noise again for at least another nine months...

I can see both sides. I wanted a home birth for my first baby but my dad was horrified, and warned me of the potential complications and what could happen. If I'd had a home birth, both me and my DD would have most likely been rushed to hospital for the EMCS I had anyway, as she was in distress. She was 11lb 5.5oz and nobody had ever even realised this until she was born (undiagnosed gestational diabetes). I think I'd most certainly never had a natural birth as I was induced with an epidural.

I then obviously needed to give birth via c-sections with my other two DC so any home birth was put of the question then. I have to say, I'm pretty glad I listened to my dad - neither me nor my DD would probably be here otherwise.

Home birth with an uncomplicated pregnancy are most likely to be ok. The risk of problems are still there, but every woman has the right to decide what is best for her ❤️

Sorry about your diagnosis, but you're being unreasonable

How did you know she almost died? Have you been to see her?

OP, these are two separate issues. Your are quite rightly raging at the world and your tolerance is understandably low. Women choosing a home birth and whether this is selfish or not is not related to this.

If I had chosen a home birth myself and or DC probably would have died despite an uneventful pregnancy- but I do understand why lots of women make this choice although it is not without some risk.

I have also been where you are and faced with a li catastrophic life altering event that makes every second hard to negotiate due the lack of control and the grenade to your life I was a grumpy and unreasonable cow looking back but in the middle of it navigating life was pretty impossible. Everyone got on with their day-to-day whilst the sky fell in. No real advice which does not sound trite, but please do what you can do look after yourself and hopefully you have (meaningful) support around you. Life can be shite and it does not discriminate

I think i agree with this

But also think women should have some autonomy in the matter

Home births are much safer than hospital births in almost all cases. There is a much lesser chance of medical intervention being necessary for a variety of reasons.

When a birthing mother does find herself in need of medical assistance, whether she is in hospital already or whether she is at home makes zero difference. In hospital, even in an emergency you have to wait for the appropriate doctor/consultant to become available and you have to wait for staff to prep the surgery room. In a home birth scenario your midwife calls the hospital and all this is done while you are in the ambulance making your way to the hospital. So whether you wait for emergency treatment in your birthing room in hospital or in the ambulance on your way to hospital it makes zero difference.

I assume your neighbour spent one evening giving birth and it isn’t a nightly occupancy so maybe suck up one nights bad sleep. We all have them.

You're being unreasonable, but you're allowed. I can only imagine how shit everything feels right now.

How do you know that they both had blood infusions and that it nearly killed her?

As you said, you are being selfish.

Agree. You should have to pay go private for home births. We don’t have the NHS resources to provide this nice to have option.

Yeah let's start charging for pain relief in labour too, it's perfectly possible to labour without it, why should my tax be used to relieve the pain of women who have chosen to have a baby!!

YABU.
Sounds like lack of sleep has made you irrational. Her birth choices are hers. It was a one-off, one night.
Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse than a home birth even if pregnancy was non complicated but that’s entirely my choice and other people are entitled to choose what’s best for them.

I decided against a home both when I realized the neighbours would hear it all!

The midwives who perform home births are generally not the same midwives doing the hospital births. Neither takes away from the other. The NHS absolutely can cope with both. No women in hospital are being left birthing without a midwife because they’re all out at home births. It just isn’t how it works.

It’s like saying home birthing is taking NHS resources away from cancer patients. It’s a separate service that the NHS accounts for.

Because home births are statistically safer for your subsequent births after the first child 🙄

yabu
Sorry you are unwell but your neighbour has done absolutely nothing wrong by having the baby at home. In her own house.

I had four homebirths and each one has been the most empowering experience of my life. I felt safe each time, I wasn't noisy and with my last two I didn't even need to use pain relief. I had a very quick labour with my second baby so it was just as well I had a home birth planned as I would never have got to hospital and the delivery pack etc had already been left at my house so the midwife who arrived to the head crowning had everything she needed to hand. Best of all I got to cuddle up in my own bed with my new baby once everything had been cleaned up and sorted. I believe it helped with breastfeeding too as I was calm, baby was calm and the midwife had time to just focus on us.

I was low risk. I knew things could potentially go wrong but we didn't have transport to get to hospital, one of the times I'd have needed two buses to get to the nearest maternity unit and taxis were way out of our price range because of the length of journey.

My home birth with dc2 was plain sailing. I chose that cos my previous midwife led unit birth was a shit show. Neighbours had no idea. Birth uneventful (apart from being a birth 😁) once it was done we went to bed and slept for hours.

It is not a given that home births are a bad idea any more than it is a given that hospital births are a good idea!

Sorry you had a crap night's sleep. Hope you can forgive her.

I think it’s fine for a second plus baby, if everything smooth and complication free, and less than 10 minutes from a hospital. Postnatal wards are basically hell so I can see why somebody would want to avoid that. But I’ve heard a lot of horror stories, mainly because of women attempting it when there are major risk factors at play. There was a woman in the bed next to me ranting at staff because she had insisted on a homebirth despite having an infection and the baby was showing signs of having contracted it. She was trying to get the baby discharged saying she would keep an eye on them at home!!

Wow you’re selfish. So much for women empowering others.
Let’s hope their baby is silent and never wakes you. As I am sure your family never make any noise

I was actively encouraged to have a home birth with my second as my first came very quickly and it was very traumatic for us both. The birth of my second was over within 90 minutes and we were sat on the sofa with a cup of tea! It's not for everyone, but I'd say my first (attended by doctors and numerous professionals) cost way more than my simple home birth.

Once upon a time, all births were home births and neighbours expected one another's lives to occasionally affect their own mutually.

I'm sorry you are having a shit time.

It's probably worth pointing out that for someone who is having a low-risk pregnancy and who has already given birth, a home birth is safer for both mother and baby than a hospital birth. But I never see threads calling low-risk second time mums selfish for choosing a hospital birth.

If I had given birth in a hospital, I would almost certainly have ended up with an emergency C-section and and probable PTSD. But instead I had two straightforward home births without even pain relief.

Agreed OP I find it one of the most selfish things a mother to be can do

Multiple home births here, all without incident. Women's bodies are designed to function most efficiently when they are in a secure and familiar space. Hospital environments are more likely to lead to complications, not less.

Really? Why?